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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH got drunk with my daughter(his stepdaughter) and her friend

294 replies

ByTealDreamer · 06/05/2024 20:15

I am trying to figure out if i am overreacting or not. I allowed my daughter and her friend to hace a drink at a sleepover over the weekend (with the friends parents permission of course), and my DH decided he would sit there and get drunk with them alone and discuss some questionable subjects. My daughter and her friend are both under 16, though i wont specify exact ages. am i wrong for think that him discussing topics such as anti-muslim hate(something i by no means agree with), pedophilia, transphobia and other controversial topics, with two young and impressionable teenage girls whilst they had had a drink was out of line and absolutely absurd?!
please give me some opinions cause i cant tell if im seeing it for something it is not.

OP posts:
DaisyHaites · 06/05/2024 20:34

YABU for supplying kids under 16 with alcohol and not supervising them…

But no, my parents were drunk with my friends many times before I left home at 18, but probably not in a one of them two of us situation, more in a party environment.

historygeek · 06/05/2024 20:34

How long has he been in the picture? Long time father figure or mum's new fella?

Was he the sole adult in charge of the sleepover?

On the one hand, he's allowed a drink in his own home and discussing current affairs with some well informed teens.

On the other, a bit sleazy and inappropriate. Is he trying to be the "cool" one?

Tengreenbottles2 · 06/05/2024 20:34

That sounds like several evenings I had as a teenager, with my own parents and with friends' parents. We usually enjoyed it... the parent getting drunk is quite funny. As for the topics... they are current and newsworthy topics, so I don't see the problem in teenagers talking about them with an adult.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 06/05/2024 20:35

BoudiccaOfSuburbia · 06/05/2024 20:34

Where were you?

Where and in what context did this take place? Over dinner?

Edited

Very good question

ZekeZeke · 06/05/2024 20:36

You allowed two under 16 year ilds to drink-this is on you
Why on earth did you think that was okay?
Where were you when your DH was drinking with them?

TuesdayWhistler · 06/05/2024 20:36

How do you know what they spoke about?

Coshei · 06/05/2024 20:37

I don’t think this sounds nefarious to be honest but I was quite used to the occasional drunk adult at times. We usually just made fun of them and that was it. I’m not sure why everyone assumes the worst of intentions these days.

HRTQueen · 06/05/2024 20:38

Yes I know these type of dads

its creepy

or it’s pathetic wanting to be the cool parent

sorry I think more likely my first response

YouJustDoYou · 06/05/2024 20:38

You allowed underage children to drink. You allowed an adult ,man to also get drunk with them, and discuss inappropriate topics. Massive safe guarding issues with you both.

Motheranddaughter · 06/05/2024 20:39

Can hardly believe you would provide alcohol for under 16s
Totally irresponsible

YouJustDoYou · 06/05/2024 20:39

red flags, red flags, red flags, on the both of you.

fieldsofbutterflies · 06/05/2024 20:39

Your DH's behaviour was incredibly inappropriate. There's nothing "okay" about a grown man getting drunk with two sixteen year old girls.

Coshei · 06/05/2024 20:40

For heaven’s sake. Can people just calm down? Nothing bad even happened.

itsgettingweird · 06/05/2024 20:40

Why did 2 under 16's need to drink?

Were they drunk?

The topics don't bother me as they are topical and kids should learn critical thinking - but they don't need alcohol.

Also did he go into your DDs room and do it or were they sat in your communal lounge with him?

Nothing screams worryingly inappropriate to me from info given other than the alcohol.

Doingmybest12 · 06/05/2024 20:40

I thought you were going to say 17 or 18 years. Why on earth would you give alcohol to someone else's child under 16 years, there is no need. At best your husband is stupid to get himself in this situation at worst he was deliberately getting himself into a position where boundaries are blurred.

waterrat · 06/05/2024 20:41

How much of a dad is he to your child? Is he a new man or proper step dad.

It sounds like your instinct is that it was inappropriate and you shld be trusting your instinct

fieldsofbutterflies · 06/05/2024 20:41

Coshei · 06/05/2024 20:40

For heaven’s sake. Can people just calm down? Nothing bad even happened.

A grown man thought it appropriate to get two children drunk - that is the bad thing. How can you not see that that's not okay?

sanogo · 06/05/2024 20:44

Not giving their age because you're embarrassed that you allowed them to drink alcohol

You need to take some of the blame for this too

ageratum1 · 06/05/2024 20:45

Were you there op????
If another adult eas presentnit is a very dfferentb( although still not ok) stuation

Original poster
ByTealDreamer · 06/05/2024 20:45

feel like i should clarify that the reason drink was even supplied is because i had the other girls parents consent, and my daughter had had drinks before with them. for some extra context, it was at about 11 at night from what my daughter said, i was putting my son to bed and trusted DH to make sure they were okay. i was not expecting him to get drunk with them and allow my daughter to drink two bottles of alcohol without saying a thing (the other girl was only allowed to drink what her parents said she could though.) the girls are over 13, under 16.

OP posts:
Maray1967 · 06/05/2024 20:45

If my 14/15 year old DD came home from a sleepover and told me that her mate’s stepdad discussed those topics while drinking, while you weren’t there, I would be very concerned.

Original poster
ByTealDreamer · 06/05/2024 20:47

im not saying there age as i dont know if the other girl would be fine with that, i don't particularly want to take privacy away from my daughter or her friend though i realise some may find it extensive that id do that. the girls parents had gave my daughter drink before (with my permission) and whilst my daughter doesnt drink regularly, i figured it would be fine if it was in a small amount.

OP posts:
Coshei · 06/05/2024 20:47

fieldsofbutterflies · 06/05/2024 20:41

A grown man thought it appropriate to get two children drunk - that is the bad thing. How can you not see that that's not okay?

Show quote history

Read the op again. They were allowed to have a drink. The OP never said that they had gotten drunk. If 15 I’d say it’s reasonable enough to let them have one drink.

Original poster
ByTealDreamer · 06/05/2024 20:48

exactly, if my daughter said her friends stepdad did that id be worried. but i had no idea he would do that because i thought hed have an ounce of common sense to not get drunk with two young girls and then discuss things like that😭😭

OP posts:
Original poster
ByTealDreamer · 06/05/2024 20:49

woke up the next morning saying he had a headache because he drank too much

OP posts: