To think it’s not ‘cruel’ to take DD to the gym at 7.30am

[Eastie77Returns]

I attend an early gym class every Saturday morning. I leave the house around 7am.

I leave DS and DD at home with DP. He takes DS to football practice around 9am and DD tags along but she has become increasingly unhappy about having to go. I therefore gave her 2 other choices: come to the gym with with me or stay at home alone for 10/15 minutes as I’m home from the gym by 9.15-am latest. This morning I asked her what she wanted to do (I gave her the options earlier in the week so she had time to consider). She began complaining loudly saying none of the options were good ones and she just wanted me to stay at home with her. I explained that I was not prepared to miss my class and in the end she decided to come with me. As we were leaving DP began muttering that’s it’s unfair and cruel to drag her to a gym at the crack of dawn when Saturday morning should be her down time.

If it makes any difference, it’s a David Lloyd gym. DD is a member and she enjoyed a breakfast in the restaurant area and read a book while I did my class. She played with another girl in the play area and the two of them have signed up for a taster kids class so she was fine. But I’ve now received a text from my dad saying he’s heard (obviously from DP) from that “poor DD is being dragged to a gym on Saturdays” so she can stay with him on Friday evenings if she prefers. Obviously I would be expected to drop off and pick her up. I said no.

AIBU to think this is a load of fuss about absolutely nothing?

I find gyms intimidating and would not go to one, always managed to be fit and well without that sort of help, but the place the op describes does sound fantastic, and family friendly. I too am impressed that the op's daughter learned padel.

I've said my bit earlier about the current situation and cannot add to that.

Good luck, op.

Blimey he’s such a plonker, he could stay with her then drive to football but opts not to.

Regardless, 15 minutes alone in the house sounds a good inroad into independance. It’s such a short length of time! She might just be a little fearful of the idea but in reality it should be straight forward and help build confidence.

if she wants to attend table tennis sessions with this girl, that could be great fun. These things can be great fun and it’s a reasonable start time, she’s not being made to leave her bed at 5am

Go to your class and enjoy it. It is good for you. Dd can come with you, stay home or dad can drive to football before you should cancel class.

. Are you ok?

As pp have said the op did actually ask for opinions.

The consensus is carry on with your weird once only a week class 7am class and taking your poor kid to sit and wait.

Or rearrange your class. Doesn't matter if some folk are out at 5am every morning or stayed home alone from age 5 and made their own tea this dd isn't happy with being alone so that needs working on. Why is she so underconfident? Forcing a situation where she has to be alone isn't a good idea.

We know you'll go for the first one so why bother asking and getting all snippy with replies?

Why does the husband prefer hours on the bus rather than being at home?

Your dp is pissing me off more and more. I’d hide his car keys so he can’t suddenly drive to pick up eBay things or visit his family. ‘No I don’t know where they are, no you can’t have mine, as the only useful driver I need them. If you were driving our dc somewhere it would be different. You can take dd to x on Thursday night? No? Ok no there are no car keys for you.’ And I’d also consider going on the summer family holiday without him under the new policy of only adults who pull their weight can come. Might be the best family holiday you’ve ever had.

OP, you are so NBU. I can't believe the fuss your DP is making. Just get on with your plan and ignore.

My 6 year old goes to the gym with my DH every Friday evening. He sits plays his switch and eats snacks. He loves it. Its his 'downime' where he can switch off, be away from his little sister etc. There are plenty of other kids there too doing the same thing ranging all ages from school age. It is also the only day of the week where my DS or DD activies are not put first. They get every other day of the week that one day isn't going to kill them and honestly I feel it teaches that that life isnt all about them every day. It is important that every member of the family is included in being important.

What a fuss about nothing. This child has three choices, two of which don't involve being left at home along for 15 minutes - come with you to the gym, go to football with your DS and DP or stay at home until you get back. She can pick whichever one suits her.

Regardless of that, she is a child and a pre-teen and I understand that moaning comes as easily to some of them as breathing, but why your DP and DF are indulging this nonsense (while making it your problem to solve 😡) is beyond me.

Don't a lot of DLs have creches or kids clubs? If she's not old enough to be left by herself (either at home or at DL), maybe suggest the kids club.

Yeah, I wouldn't be cancelling my one gym class for the sake of 15 minutes.
Theres more than enough options, she comes/she goes to GDs/she stays home/she goes to football.. More than enough options, YANBU, DH is being awkward.

The OP would be cancelling her class so that dh can take the bus. It is dh who is causing dd to be left at home alone.

Dd could go to football, or stay home if she doesn't want to get up early. Dh could drive so she isnt left at home rather than op cancelling class.

Is your daughter up before 9:15? Would she even notice you're gone?

When your husband complains about it being cruel, I really hope.you point out that it's actually HIS fault as he could drive your son to football and then she wouldn't have to go? It's actually him being cruel!

I’m sure even 20,000 years ago she’d have been fairly safe in her own cave for 10 minutes during daylight. It’s very different to her being afraid to walk home in the dark, for example.

The OP isn’t ignoring it, anyway. She’s not making her stay at home despite her dislike of being alone (I imagine it is dislike rather than fear)- she’s just saying if you won’t be on your own then you need to come with me. It’s not ideal- I don’t agree with some posters making out like leaving the house at 7am isn’t early because it is early, even if she’s having breakfast at the gym- but it’s the only suitable option if she won’t be on her own for 10-15 minutes. The OP absolutely shouldn’t have to give up her class.

This.
We have been DL members when the children were younger and I would have no qualms about leaving an 11 year old in the lounge area .
We used to take the children there just to use the lounge and play areas when not using the other gym facilities as it's so family friendly and a really lovely calm environment.
And the food was great !

#teameastie

Why do you think OP's class is weird?
And I believe it's just you saying that, no "consensus".

Chill

The alternative to the 11 year old being home alone for 15 minutes is that her dad stays with her until the OP gets back and then drives their son to football in the car like a normal person instead of taking a scenic bus ride for the hell of it.

The OP clearly doesn't get much time to herself the rest of the week, between her job and driving her children around to all their hobbies because her so-called partner refuses to.

I can't believe how many women are saying she shouldn't do the one thing a week that is just for her because her 11 year old doesn't want to be alone for 15 minutes and her partner doesn't want to drive.

I'm pretty sure a regular consistent bed time at a decent hour with some sad teen free time is actually more conducive to good sleep and therefore health than a Saturday am lie in is.

I think there are people here who did not take the time to have a hobby (or do something for their own mental health) because they prioritised every other family member. It's easily done.
And so they don't like the idea that someone else is actually trying to do that for themselves.
It's a truly depressing state of affairs.

I haven’t had a chance to chance to reply as reading through 100+ unread posts but what’s the MN etiquette re. asking for your own thread to go into Classics? Some of the crazy responses on here just have to be saved for posterity😂

Amongst some corkers…DD will suffer mental health problems, trauma, stunted physical development and will be estranged from me later in life all because she gets up early on a Saturday.

Social Services should be alerted if DD is left alone for 15 minutes before she is ready and DD may quite rightly be taken into care. I just can’t😭

Loving the handmaidens who think DP is some kind of saint for taking his own son to football (but refusing to do a simple thing that will enable DD to stay at home) and my dad is a hero for suggesting DD spends Friday nights at his. Never mind that arrangement will involve a 4 hour round trip across 2 days…just so DD doesn’t spend 15 minutes in the house alone. Makes total sense.

The poster who summised DP dumps all the driving on me because he is ‘concerned about the environment’…bless your pure heart ❤️

I will respond later. Just have to give DD her daily serving of thin gruel before subjecting her to yet more trauma and taking her to the tennis lesson with the friend she made yesterday morning during her horrific early morning start.

I think it would be cruel to expect you to give up a class that helps you with an existing medical condition.

I think even more people do have a hobby but shit on others who also dare to do something for themselves because they like to feel superior. Hypocrisy at its finest.

@Eastie77Returns

Holy Christ, some of these comments are laughable!

The Mummy Martyrs are out in force. Waving their flags for Hero Dad as he makes the long public transport journey for the sake of DS.

Hero Dad can drive but won't .The Mummy Martyrs have overlooked that because you know Hero Dad is a Hero! Someone to reverred and celebrated!

What about Villainous OP, what is her dastardly crime?
To want 45 minutes out of the 168 hours in the week to go to a gym class! What the actual F!?!?!?!

"No!" cry the Mummy Martyrs "how dare you want time for yourself!" "think of the children!"

But why is this such a dastardly crime?

There is 2nd child. A DD!

DD doesn't want to go with Hero Dad and DS but she also doesn't want to be left alone for 15 minutes awaiting the return of Villainous OP.

The only answer is for Villainous OP to drag DD kicking and screaming in the cold light of dawn to the Mecca for all Selfish People, the Gym!

Now, we have to give credit here, this is not just any gym. This is a David Lloyd gym. It offers warmth and comfort. There's food and beverages. Other abandoned DD's and DS's!!

The Mummy Martyrs are incensed! They are organising a march. Burning effigies of the Villainous OP outing her selfish antics to the Sun online and the Daily Mail!

They are shouting about how they would never do such a thing! Their DC's are their life! They will give all 168 hours of the week to their DC so they can decide what their Mummy Martyr can do with it! Because that's what a splendid Mummy Martyr does.

So how does this wretched tale end?

Hero Dad continues to be a Hero ensuring DS's career as a football superstar is secure

DD made a friend, another abandoned DD. They've made plans to meet the following week to join a club where they excel at their new found talent thanks to David Lloyd.

Villainous OP lives her life for 45 minutes on a Saturday morning like she deserves to.

And the true heroes of MN, the Mummy Martyrs? They move onto the next post, their outrage and exclamation marks clear on every post. They will not stop!

It doesn't come as a shock to me that women who choose to make their own health and wellbeing subservient to their families' every whim are demonstrating truly bonkers views on this thread.

What a lot of overblown reaction on both sides.

Wins the thread 🤣🤣🤣🤣

The march and burning effigies😂