To think it’s not ‘cruel’ to take DD to the gym at 7.30am

[Eastie77Returns]

I attend an early gym class every Saturday morning. I leave the house around 7am.

I leave DS and DD at home with DP. He takes DS to football practice around 9am and DD tags along but she has become increasingly unhappy about having to go. I therefore gave her 2 other choices: come to the gym with with me or stay at home alone for 10/15 minutes as I’m home from the gym by 9.15-am latest. This morning I asked her what she wanted to do (I gave her the options earlier in the week so she had time to consider). She began complaining loudly saying none of the options were good ones and she just wanted me to stay at home with her. I explained that I was not prepared to miss my class and in the end she decided to come with me. As we were leaving DP began muttering that’s it’s unfair and cruel to drag her to a gym at the crack of dawn when Saturday morning should be her down time.

If it makes any difference, it’s a David Lloyd gym. DD is a member and she enjoyed a breakfast in the restaurant area and read a book while I did my class. She played with another girl in the play area and the two of them have signed up for a taster kids class so she was fine. But I’ve now received a text from my dad saying he’s heard (obviously from DP) from that “poor DD is being dragged to a gym on Saturdays” so she can stay with him on Friday evenings if she prefers. Obviously I would be expected to drop off and pick her up. I said no.

AIBU to think this is a load of fuss about absolutely nothing?

Yay I finally won at something! 🤣🤣🤣

i came here to ask how we get a thread nominated for classics? when i talk to my DH about MN i call it Batshit Net and have summarised this thread for him - he concurs.

all those wittering on about how OP should drop or go to a different class: my gym offers a particular class every day at different times, on Saturday it is at lunchtime and i can't go because I am often at football when it's on. So i go to the 8am Sunday one. Which i don't particularly love because of the early start (a life of boarding school and then the army means i really like to choose when i get up)

I mean seriously. What an excitable essay.

Organised parents who don't drag their kids out at 7am on a weekend so tthey can do a fitness sesh once a week aren't 'martyrs'. Fixed that for you.

@Eastie77Returns this thread is gold!!

I really have to applaud your DH on his commitment to the cause, of doing as little for his family as possible. The man deserves an Oscar!! Poor pet is all 'dizzy' when someone else needs something but jumps to action when he's going somewhere that benefits him. Next time he wants to pick up an ebay purchase or whatever I'd act very concerned and give him the bus timetable. Wouldn't want him passing out beind the wheel 😇

@Janiie

if they miss out on doing something that they want to do then they are martyrs yes

Loads of hobbies and interests thanks even when kids were younger.

I've no idea why some of you are waving your pom poms at the op going to an exercise class which can be done anytime. Even at David Lloyd gyms I presume they offer more than 1 a week?

@Janiie
@ChedderGorgeous

this! It helps op ! This particular class helps her health! And you think she should give it up so her daughter doesn’t have to sit in a nice cafe with other kids for an hour! Are you ok?

No, they are parents. You choose to be a parent, that means you are choosing not to be able to do everything you want to do for that period of your life.

To nominate for Classics, report the first post and say why in the box provided.

@Janiie

op has other stuff going on in the week though. Like you know work, the kids activities etc. if she could make another class she would but she has been clear that this is the only one that works. So what now? She gives it up do you think?

My opinion didn't need fixing, I'm quite happy with it.

Also, I'm not sure if you read the OP's post and subsequent replies, she doesn't actually set the timetable for the gym. The gym does that.

The OP also takes her DD to her own various activities during the week, when possibly other gym classes are available.

Just because someone is a parent, does not mean they relinquish all rights to do things for themselves.

The child is 11. She is perfectly able to stay at home for 15 mins until OP gets home but she doesn't want to.

Or her partner could actually drive the car and leave when OP gets home which would be the solution. But he doesn't want to.

So because 2 people don't want to do something, the OP should do give up her right to a 45 minute exercise class at a time that she can fit it in and that helps her manage a long term health condition?

@sheoaouhra

op doesn’t just want to do the class she needs it! For her physical health! She can’t just put it off until her daughter decides it’s ok. Or do you think when you become a parent your physical and mental health is irrelevant?

I think you fit your care needs in around your children. I promise you, no one NEEDS to go to a DL gym, which is way beyond the reach of most families, and yet people seem to manage without!

My gym has several yoga classes a week...not one of them suit me because of work and the school runs.

One of them did suit me because I was sending the kids to afterschool club so that I could go to the gym and thus yoga. Sadly they hated it and my 6 year old was really upset at going so we knocked it on the head. No more yoga for me.

However, he's 6 and the afterschool club was an unnecessary expense. If like the OPs child he was 11 and he was kicking off because he didn't like the options given then tough. At some point they have to learn they can't have their own way.

In the OPs case especially her daughter needs to start learning to be home alone if she's starting high school this year. It's no good getting to like 13+ and suddenly pushing them in the deep end when you need to leave them at home all day. By 11 short periods of time help build confidence so that they are fully capable of being home alone all day when the time comes. Sometimes you need to be cruel to be kind in the long run!

@sheoaouhra

no. Sometimes the kids can fit around their parents care needs. We’re talking an hour a week here. Don’t you think it does kids good to see that others have needs too and that other people matter not just themselves?

yes, up to a point, but not in this case, when there is a massive cost to the child for something so insignificant. This is her precious Saturday morning. Imagine someone said to you right, every single Saturday morning you have to get up and be out by 7.30, or else be very frightened. There would have to be a very good reason for it. a relative want s to do a gym class they could do at home would not be acceptable

@sheoaouhra

it’s not a massive cost to the daughter

and you cannot do a gym class at home - the clue is in the title - it’s a class! I honestly think you think - fuck OP’s health, her daughter cannot be less than 100% happy 24/7 7 days a week so soz Op just gonna have to let yourself go!

it is not "less than 100% happy 24/7" is it. It is lose your precious weekend morning, or be made frightened. I think it is very unreasonable of a mother to put her daughter in that situation. There are plenty of times when children have to compromise - I dont think this is one of them. Yes, I think it is cruel, and I agree with the father.

I think that those people who've read the OPs updates are aware that the DD wasn't traumatised by having breakfast, making a friend and arranging to go to a further class at the gym.

And yes, nobody needs to be a member at David Lloyd - but my local one, within a 10 minute walk, has a heated outdoor pool, an inside pool, a large spa, a well equipped gym, 12 indoor tennis courts and 6 outdoor ones, padel, an excellent safe clubroom/restaurant and I can afford it so I go there. Nowhere else in the vicinity has as good facilities

How is she "losing her precious weekend morning?"

She had a moan, made a friend, started a new hobby and ended up having a really good time. She was also back home by half nine so had the entire rest of the day to do what she wanted

@sheoaouhra

you haven’t answered what I said about OP’s physical health. Do you really think OP’s health is so inconsequential? Is that what we should do as women when we have kids do you think? Let’s ourselves and our bodies go?

This!! @sheoaouhra the daughter sounds like she had a pretty good Saturday morning wouldn’t you agree?

The Op can care for her health in other ways which does not involve forcing her daughter up and out by 7.30 every Saturday morning

@sheoaouhra

but this class works for her!

what other ways would you suggest?