To think it’s not ‘cruel’ to take DD to the gym at 7.30am

[Eastie77Returns]

I attend an early gym class every Saturday morning. I leave the house around 7am.

I leave DS and DD at home with DP. He takes DS to football practice around 9am and DD tags along but she has become increasingly unhappy about having to go. I therefore gave her 2 other choices: come to the gym with with me or stay at home alone for 10/15 minutes as I’m home from the gym by 9.15-am latest. This morning I asked her what she wanted to do (I gave her the options earlier in the week so she had time to consider). She began complaining loudly saying none of the options were good ones and she just wanted me to stay at home with her. I explained that I was not prepared to miss my class and in the end she decided to come with me. As we were leaving DP began muttering that’s it’s unfair and cruel to drag her to a gym at the crack of dawn when Saturday morning should be her down time.

If it makes any difference, it’s a David Lloyd gym. DD is a member and she enjoyed a breakfast in the restaurant area and read a book while I did my class. She played with another girl in the play area and the two of them have signed up for a taster kids class so she was fine. But I’ve now received a text from my dad saying he’s heard (obviously from DP) from that “poor DD is being dragged to a gym on Saturdays” so she can stay with him on Friday evenings if she prefers. Obviously I would be expected to drop off and pick her up. I said no.

AIBU to think this is a load of fuss about absolutely nothing?

sheoaouhra · Yesterday 11:01

No, they are parents. You choose to be a parent, that means you are choosing not to be able to do everything you want to do for that period of your life.

So the dad can drive the DS to footy then, right?

Means he can leave later, DS gets more chill time at home (I know this is really important to you), DD won’t have to be alone so can stop worrying about predators (but I’m not sure OP ever said this was the fear, I think it’s something you made up), and gets a lie in (the only gold star parenting apparently) and as a massive extra bonus DD gets more time with her dad and brother who chose to be out all Saturday, every Saturday at footy so spend no time with DD (and yet you only seem bothered that it’s OP that has an hour away from DD.)

Win/win surely?

Dad doesn't drive the car, uses a bus to accompany son to football practice, which doesn't take all day.

From the OP

He has a full license and is on my insurance but won’t drive. The reason he has to leave the house at 9am sharp is because he takes DS to football via a long bus journey when he could drive him there in about 20 mins.

So let’s say the bus journey takes an hour x 2 and a game is 90 mins, that’s 3.5 hours if kick off is at 10am, there’s no hanging about after, and no 1/2 time.

His choice to accompany DS to football
His choice to take a bus, not drive
His choice to be away from home and DD for longer than necessary
His choice to leave DD home alone for 15 minutes
His choice to make DS get up earlier than needs be
His choice to keep DS away from home for longer

All his choice

But according to poster I quoted You choose to be a parent, that means you are choosing not to be able to do everything you want to do for that period of your life.

So he gets his choices and OP doesn’t?

Fuck guys :( We're on page 40 of the thread there's going to be no more room. But this thread has been a journey. Please OP, start a Thread 2!

Thanks and this is very similar to what I did with DD. She’s also a fan of ordering herself treats:) While I was in my class she read, played on my phone and befriended a girl who is also at The Gym at the same time (this poor child obvs also has a negligent, selfish mother who takes her there at that time😂) and the two of them have signed up to play Padel each week.

We used the time after my class to sit and chat. If she wants to come again we will do a Family Blaze class or swim afterwards. It’s actually a nice time to spend 1-1 time with DD.

Alas a few people on the thread lost their minds because this happened on a Saturday morning and no child should ever be up and about early on the weekend. Ever. Let alone left playing unsupervised 2 minutes from my gym class. Because I’m a mum now which means I must spend every waking moment with my children. If DD fails in life I will look back and pinpoint the 45 mins I spent away from her attending this class as the moment it all went wrong for her <hangs head in shame>.

Oh and @sheoaouhra (the gift who just keeps giving) helpfully pointed out that I mustn’t leave DD at home for 15 minutes either because thousands of years ago she would have been eaten alive by a passing predator…

She’s just at ‘that’ age I guess where everything starts to get a bit unnecessarily complicated and troublesome. You didn’t do anything wrong and you’re not being selfish in the slightest. She just wants things to go her way.

Survival of the fittest. We all want to coddle our children but, honestly, if she can't protect herself at the grand old age of 11 from a sabre tooth tiger randomly popping into your kitchen to say hi, then there's really no hope for the girl.

😂😂😂

Yeah I find it’s a tricky in between age. She wants her independence but also still needs me around at times. She was previously happy to go to half term activity camps with her younger brother but has now declared they are too babyish and wants to do her own thing with her friends. So suddenly the logistics are more challenging!

'Because I’m a mum now which means I must spend every waking moment with my children.'

Not one person has said this. Thread nearly full and that's all you've taken away from it .

Hear hear!!!

Christ, no wonder women are burning themselves into the ground and struggling with mum guilt, mental load and all the rest. I can’t see why OP is being flamed for giving her child the option to stay in bed, or if not, take her to a very pleasant, safe environment while she gets on with something for herself for all of 45 minutes!

The child sounds pretty privileged tbh and OP sounds like she values the small bit of time she gets to herself. Why have women got to be seen to martyr themselves constantly, it’s exhausting. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

OP, your DP needs to address his driving issues before he starts moaning about you being ‘cruel’. Your daughter sounds well cared for - take the 45 minutes for yourself and ignore the nonsense.

OP, your DP needs to address his driving issues before he starts moaning about you being ‘cruel’. Your daughter sounds well cared for - take the 45 minutes for yourself and ignore the nonsense.

This. I couldn't put up with a manchild who refuses to try and deal with a fear that is irrational and impacts the smooth running of family life. (NB: I realise there are families that manage without a car, but this isn't the issue here.)

👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻

Where do you get the idea that it is either grotty or little? A DL with a cafe sounds plenty big enough to me, it's more than my non-grotty gym has.

Glad you’re not giving up your Saturday morning class. This has probably already been said, don’t have time to RTFT but if your husband drove then there wouldn’t be that 15 minute gap where your daughter would be on her own, surely he’d be home sooner. What a nonsense.

no, I am explaining that children have normal, natural, innate fears - the people being obtuse are the people who think its ok to walk all over them and disregard them, in the name of toughening them up!

i think what you are doing is fine. I wouldn't be surprised if at some point over the next year she decides that a longer lie-in on a Saturday is what she wants and handles that. It really is a short crossover period at around that age when they want things but realise themselves they're not yet ready.

I also think that at some point, hopefully soon, that your DS will realise that his dad is an idiot for not driving them the 20 minutes. Time will tell. Although, as with you and DD in the café and gym, maybe they both see that as good bonding time?

Families change. We had regular family discussions (usually over dinner) about how things were going what wasn't working for us etc. Our job as parents is to teach our children how to be resilient, how to plan their day, etc etc. OP is doing just fine. Other posters, possibly not so much.

I agree, sheoaouhra. I am in my seventies and can still remember my terrors, many of which could not be explained, and nobody understood. I was told not to be silly.

As for the husband choosing not to drive, I already explained how I lost my nerve for driving at 35, after which my husband did all the ferrying around, uncomplainingly. I had difficulty explaining that too, especially as I had never had an accident whilst driving. However, I just could not go behind the wheel any more, it had got to the stage where I was shaking with fear and that was not safe.

A man would be less likely to admit to that level of driving fear/phobia, but he could have it.

I looked up David Lloyd gyms and they have group classes at different times, including over weekends. In the op's position I would change to a different class, not because I am being self-sacrificial but because it makes sense. Presumably her son's football practice cannot be re-scheduled and his dad is putting himself out to accompany the boy to and fro, it can't be that much fun for him, but parents do that sort of thing for their children. The gym change doesn't have to be forever, in a year's time her daughter may feel better about being alone in their home.

There is no problem The young son has no say as such. Dp facilitates his attendance at football. Op says that dd attends 3 activities of her own and she is given 3 choices on a Saturday. Not one person has said that the ,"female" must leave her class. Even gd stepped in

Your DP sounds like a PITA and should grow up! How do you put up with his self righteousness? And your dad butts out!
Don't give up your class. Why is it always females that are expected to be accommodating of everyones else's needs.
Your child is 11 and is shaping up to be like her dad. We all have to do stuff we don't like and it's time your DD learned that. You do stuff for her and she reciprocates in kind. Thats family life.

Too many precious little emperors being raised today!

Huh? A whole bunch of people have said that the OP - who is female - should not be prioritising her only activity.

As for the husband choosing not to drive, I already explained how I lost my nerve for driving at 35, after which my husband did all the ferrying around, uncomplainingly.

Awesome. But pointless on this thread re this husband as he manages to drive just fine when it suits / benefits him.

Presumably her son's football practice cannot be re-scheduled and his dad is putting himself out to accompany the boy to and fro, it can't be that much fun for him, but parents do that sort of thing for their children.

This is also not true of this husband. Just read OPs posts, it’s very useful.

Edit: spelling

And Fin!

Well done @Eastie77Returns keep enjoying your Saturday mornings 😊