To think it’s not ‘cruel’ to take DD to the gym at 7.30am

[Eastie77Returns]

I attend an early gym class every Saturday morning. I leave the house around 7am.

I leave DS and DD at home with DP. He takes DS to football practice around 9am and DD tags along but she has become increasingly unhappy about having to go. I therefore gave her 2 other choices: come to the gym with with me or stay at home alone for 10/15 minutes as I’m home from the gym by 9.15-am latest. This morning I asked her what she wanted to do (I gave her the options earlier in the week so she had time to consider). She began complaining loudly saying none of the options were good ones and she just wanted me to stay at home with her. I explained that I was not prepared to miss my class and in the end she decided to come with me. As we were leaving DP began muttering that’s it’s unfair and cruel to drag her to a gym at the crack of dawn when Saturday morning should be her down time.

If it makes any difference, it’s a David Lloyd gym. DD is a member and she enjoyed a breakfast in the restaurant area and read a book while I did my class. She played with another girl in the play area and the two of them have signed up for a taster kids class so she was fine. But I’ve now received a text from my dad saying he’s heard (obviously from DP) from that “poor DD is being dragged to a gym on Saturdays” so she can stay with him on Friday evenings if she prefers. Obviously I would be expected to drop off and pick her up. I said no.

AIBU to think this is a load of fuss about absolutely nothing?

I would be furious if your DH bitched to your dad about it and he should keep his nose out. Kids only ever getting to do exactly what they want and having the power to get adults to change their plans is one of the reasons there are so many little brats around these days.

@Eastie77Returns I think you have a DH problem.

I hope your dd gets over this anxiety soon. I don't think you're wrong. Maybe if she's really tired she'll decide to stay in bed?

Good grief, there really are some seriously batshit replies on this thread.

The dd has three choices: go to the gym early, go to football later on, or spend a few minutes on her own in the house. She doesn't want to do either of the last two, so she's doing the first one. She is not being traumatised by it.

There is no reason at all why the OP should give up literally the only time in the entire week she has for herself, just because the men in her life have decided the dd shouldn't have to get up early on a Saturday morning. They have come up with sweet FA in the way of alternatives that involves them actually have to lift a finger instead, so they can ruddy well lump it.

I'm with the OP on this one.

Op, please don't let anyone guilt you for spending one morning a week on your health and fitness when you are already accommodating your life to everyone else schedule.

You are talking nonsense. The child needs to learn that it is safe for her to be on her own for a short while. This modern obsession with children being watched every minute of the day is very bad for them. And if Dad disagrees then he can sort it out. Op has found the ideal time to have 45 minutes to herself in the week. That she is prioritising her needs for that short time is good for her, good for the family, and a good example to her daughter not to become a non-person once she herself has kids.

Hear Hear.

The child has been given three options. Three. Quelle horreur.

Help me out here Tbry... I've got myself all muddled up reading your comment, and just for a minute I thought you were saying the best solution to this family's dilemma is one where DW feels constantly under pressure to curtail her chosen activity because it's ruining things for half of her family, while DH and DS constantly feel guilty because of their chosen activity knowing that it's ruining things for DW.

Like you're saying the only "reasonable" thing is for DS to be that one kid who's always 15 mins late for training, interrupting things for the other 26 boys who did get there on time - which would do wonders for his social standing, self confidence, and motivation. Not to mention his training, chances of actually being fielded in a league match (7ᵗʰ reserve backup emergency sub for the C team for home games doesn't count), or even being allowed at the club.

Or that DH should be grateful for the opportunity to be that one parent who as far as everyone else can see "can't be bothered to get out of bed on time even for his own kid", who spends the whole training session stood alone at the opposite end of the touchline to all the other parents because no one will speak to him.

For just a second I got to thinking that your definition of 50/50 was "boys should do as they're told all of the time so as women can do as they please all of the time", or that you'd spit feathers if someone were to suggest OP leave class halfway through every week just so as not to inconvenience DH & DS... Like I say, I've got myself entirely disconflabberiseated with this, but maybe you can help me out?

If DD's tired from being up to go out at 7AM on a Saturday, she'd be just as tired if she got up early to do something SHE wanted to do that couldn't be scheduled for later in the day. Options might be going to bed earlier the night before or taking a nap after she got home from the outing.

But in any case, it sounds like this wasn't your problem until this week; you'd been going to the 7AM class and DP had been caring for both children while you were out. Presumably if DD did not want to go on the bus with her dad and brother to watch the football practice, she could have asked her dad for other options. Now there's upset because YOU gave her two additional options (stay home including 15 minutes alone, come along to the gym including being ready to go at 7) without taking anything away (she can still choose to go to football). I'd hesitate to take on any added guilt and time - like the time to write this thread and read and respond to the replies, just for a start - just because you've tried to make things a bit easier for her than they have been.

This part of your post surprised me, though: I’ve now received a text from my dad saying he’s heard (obviously from DP) from that “poor DD is being dragged to a gym on Saturdays”... I would have guessed that DD had mentioned it to her grandfather, either as a complaint or just in normal conversation, and think nothing of it provided your dad doesn't keep bringing it up after you've said no thanks. But if you really think your partner is intentionally and proactively causing upset with your dad, despite knowing the whole back story, that's something you probably need to address directly and with some urgency with your partner. No matter how you two feel about each other (and I gather the relationship isn't happy), he shouldn't be pitting you against your dad or your daughter; the two of you should be working as a team to make sure the household runs smoothly and each family member has - as much as possible - what s/he needs to thrive.

I'm just appalled at everyone who thinks 7am is early and getting up at 7am is detrimental for a child. Like WTF? There's a whole lot of people who are regularly up before then. I wasn't well the other week and slept till 10.30am (unheard of for me). I'd lost half a day, what a waste - at 2pm I was doing things I usually did at 9am.

OP I think it is perfectly fine for your DD to go to gym with you. She has 3 options available and it's important to learn to put others first sometimes. Her activities are prioritised when she does them - I'm sure you'd prefer to do something else rather than hang around and watch - and it's only fair that everyone in the family gets an activity of their own. Yes, even Mum.

You're teaching your daughter not to be a martyr and put her needs last when she eventually has her own family. That's positive role modelling IMO.

Completely agree. You're giving her a terrific example of women prioritizing their health, and rightly so. My kids are about the same age and often come to the gym with me. If they don't have a class they can play pick-up basketball or have a smoothie in the cafe. Either way, I'm working out.

OP, your only mistake was asking mumsnet. All of your daughter’s options are fine. One doesn’t get to spend every minute of their childhood doing exactly what they want to do.

And the husband who won’t drive because…reasons 🙄

Like I say, I've got myself entirely disconflabberiseated with this, but maybe you can help me out?

Read the thread, just the OPs post will help you. Well, it will at least stop you posting the absolute dribble you’ve just posted.

Hope that’s helped you out

All the chatter in this post is irrelevant. You are a good mum trying to do something healthy for yourself and you deserve it. Your DD has been offered a perfectly reasonable choice and your DP does not deserve a say in this. Stick to your guns and please enjoy what little time you get for yourself guilt free.

OP, you clearly think it's fine to take her with you to the gym and keep arguing with people with a different view, so not sure why you asked.

😁

Yeah an 11 yo being left alone at home for 15 mins is absolutely fine and if she doesn't want that then she needs to not whinge about having to come to the gym with you. Because those are her options.
If you DH doesn't like it then he should sort something else out because it's not your job as you know those options are fine.
Don't be bullied into sacrificing your class. There's no real need. Just a bunch of people who seem to think they are far more important than anything you want to do.
I don't think it's,OK to pander to kids or to your husband for the sake of 15 mins. Like you said you aren't doing your daughter any favours if you do that. Making everyone's lives slightly easier at your own personal expense. You'd just be showing her that mothers exercise class doesn't really matter to the extent it should just be missed ti stay at home so kid can have 15 mins more in bed and dad doesn't have to take responsibility for anything.

#TeamEastie

Nice to see a mum with a bit of personality, I'm child free amd you sound much healthier than the "my kidz are mY wurld!!!" /puppysparklefilter crew

Your DH is a selfish, pathetic loser. Hold your ground OP. I dragged my kids to gyms all the time. My life mattered as well. And they are thriving, thanks for asking. Lack of resilience in kids is a thing for a reason - mainly caused by parents who never want to say say and feed insecurity by uber levels of helicopter parenting. Ask a teacher

So the Mum has to stop going to gym and forget about herself and sit at home because th girl does not want to be alone for 15 minutes? Do parents not ave a right to do stuff too?

I go to DL and my eldest is 12. In this situation her options would be go with her dad/brother or stay at home 15 mins. I wouldn’t leave her in cafe on her own personally.

Maybe she gets her top choice on any other day as far as you know.

People are really daft on this thread.

I’m sorry, I don’t think you mentioned which gym it is you go to….?

She needs her down time, she needs her rest, and it isn't an irrational fear, it is a normal, natural, innate fear that she will grow out of if it isn't increased and minimised and ignored

How can you call a young child's fear of being alone "irrational". For 99.999% of human history she risked becoming a snack to a passing predator if left alone

I am a teacher

It was with a growing sense of excitement and anticipation that I read about your experience at the gym. How fantastic that your daughter was able to discover padel as well as take swimming classes.
It sounds as if your gym is so much more than a gym, acting instead as a clubhouse, spa and space for people to come together and make new friends. I imagine it offers a full range of fresh and healthy food and drinks for gym-goers to indulge in too? As well as state of the art machines and the very best personal trainers? ♥
@Eastie77Returns I applaud you 👏 Parents like you make Britain truly Great.

Keep on gymming.