Who pays first date

[Honeybu]

Ok I just been for a first date coffee.

been chatting with the guy online and he asks to meet up for a coffee so I agree and went on the date. He then proceeded to make his order ( latte and sandwich) cost £8 at the counter and paid for his bill without asking what I wanted. I then ordered mine and paid (latte and sandwich) cost £8 and paid . I got sandwich as wouldn’t want to sit and watch him eat feel awkward.

I felt he should’ve paid given that he asks me out. If I ask a friend or any new male/female friend I’m getting to know I would pay as I ask them to come for drink.

offcourse once we progress I would be paying and contributing.

Please what is your opinion on first date who should pay?

This post is not about judgement on me but your opinion and experience to share. Thanks

Well I'm almost 60 and this would have put me off him, to be honest.

It feels tight. If he was at the counter first it feels like manners to say to the other person, 'What are you having?'. I'd have paid for us both if I'd been first in the queue, although it sounds like he was the one who asked you out and in that case it's usually assumed he would pay.

He wouldn't get a second date with me. Failure to offer me a coffee having asked me out counts as poor manners in my book and I'd not bother with another meeting.

I'd expect to pay 50/50 on a first date or separate orders as your date did.

I'm going on a first date tomorrow night. I'm going to offer to pay my half for dinner, but if he insists on covering it then I'm going to say that I'll get the drinks if we go to a bar or something afterwards. It just seems fairest that way. He asked me out, but that doesn't make a difference to me. If I was going for lunch or something with a friend who'd invited me I'd still pay my share.

I always prefered to pay my own way on early dates.
I never wanted anyone to feel I owed them anything.

Once it's an established relationship then turn taking and treating each other is fine but early days imo each pay for yourself and keep it simple.

I'd order my own (or go halves in a get the bill after situation).

Yeah this would have put me off. He can’t shout you a coffee? Nah

I like the first few dates to be 50/50 or paying independently.
Gives you the option to walk away at anytime.

I know others think differently and expect the man to be hand in pocket all the time. It just feels so 1950's to me, I like my independence and freedom.

If we like each other, we will work out a system that we are both happy with.

50/50 ,its not the 1950,s anymore where men psy for the date,s.

Ooo tough one! I would appreciate them offering to pay, if they invited me on a date - however if they're not in the financial position to pay for both of us, I'd not want to put them into an uncomfortable position by making them do so. I think the nice thing is to offer to split and allow them to accept or decline that offer. Him ordering first and not offering could make me think he's either tight or not able to pay for both!

Also dating could get very expensive if men are always expected to pay on the first date, they'll end up costing a fortune 😂 for what it's worth I do think my now husband paid for 70% of our first date, but I was a student at the time and he was employed - I also had to sneakily pay for things as he was a bit more old fashioned and wanted to pay for it all.

50/50 first date, never expect to be paid for by a stranger.

Hmmmm. The modern Miss in me (or is that Ms) would say pay for your own coffee.

The old-fashioned Rose side of me would want to be treated.

So either is fine, but I would prefer it if he pays first time. It's gentlemanly. But out of date.

But people multi-date these days. Do you expect men to pay for 4 coffees or whatever a week (assuming they're that lucky)?

The whole dating landscape has changed since OLD has emerged as the primary way of meeting people. A coffee date us extremely casual, this wouldn't bother me at all, but I would have 20 years ago. In fact, I wouldn't have considered a coffee shop a date, back then!

A hard no from me. A man who couldn’t risk less than a tenner on me is not the man for me.

Definitely 50/50, adults should pay their own way, and until you know there are more dates you can’t really take turns to pay. I wouldn’t go on a second date with someone who felt they didn’t need to pay their way in life, it just feels a bit juvenille.

But I assume you also want equality ?

I haven’t dated in a while, but wouldn’t be impressed by someone who didn’t even offer me a coffee.

Absolutely go halves or pay for your own order.

Why should a stranger pay for your food? And why would you want them to??

Why should a complete stranger spend anything on you? For the privilege of your company? Doesn't it strike you that's rather transactional?

Indeed.

Which is why I said I would be happy with either.

I’d want to split the bill or pay my own for a first date.

I would expect to pay 50:50 or pay for our own. I wouldn't expect to have to pay If I asked someone to join me for drinks/ lunch either.

No one in my social circle does that.

Tight not to buy you a coffee if it's his idea.

IME “equality” means women pay 50/50 and fund their own maternity leave, meanwhile Steve leaves his pants on the floor every morning because he’s not as bothered about cleaning up.

Equity, not equality.

The person asking the other to join them should be in a position to pay, and should, I think offer to do so.
However, the person being asked should offer to pay their share and be willing and happy to do so.

Nah, get him in the bin. Even if I was in the queue with a friend I would say what are you having. That's just rude what he did. Like someone else said, if he can't even shout you a coffee on a first date he asked you on, then it's only going downhill from there.