Who pays first date

[Honeybu]

Ok I just been for a first date coffee.

been chatting with the guy online and he asks to meet up for a coffee so I agree and went on the date. He then proceeded to make his order ( latte and sandwich) cost £8 at the counter and paid for his bill without asking what I wanted. I then ordered mine and paid (latte and sandwich) cost £8 and paid . I got sandwich as wouldn’t want to sit and watch him eat feel awkward.

I felt he should’ve paid given that he asks me out. If I ask a friend or any new male/female friend I’m getting to know I would pay as I ask them to come for drink.

offcourse once we progress I would be paying and contributing.

Please what is your opinion on first date who should pay?

This post is not about judgement on me but your opinion and experience to share. Thanks

The opportunity to demonstrate he's not a complete tight arse.

I'd expect to pay for my own food and drink in this scenario.

I also think that arranging to meet in person after chatting online isn't the same as traditional date.

This is quite context dependent. I think I'd buy a round of drinks but then you'd expect to have two rounds, whereas with coffee you probably wouldn't, especially if he's having lunch as well, so I wouldn't mind. The only time I didn't split was when a guy who thought a lot of himself chose the place and ordered a bottle of wine for us without asking me for input - if I don't get to choose it, I don't feel obliged to pay for it 🤣 But as others have said, dating means a lot of potential expense so it's only fair to share that equally on first dates at least!

It was a coffee.

If some one is so concerned about not wasting the money on a coffee because he had several other coffee dates lined up - he wouldn’t be for me.

I think this is what the problem is with some people. They see a conveyer belt of available people and don’t actual want to put any effort in and it shows.

Has he asked for a second date OP?

Who cares who asked who out though? Would you have not gone out with him if you’d known he wasn’t going to pay? Would you have made sure you paid the whole bill if you’d been the one who suggested the date?

It would put me right off because I would always offer to pay for both, not just on a date but even with friends. Especially as it was only £8.

In that scenario where you're queuing in a coffee shop I would 100% expect to place and pay for my own order.

This…

A coffee ☹️

So you go on a first date with a man, and you'd pay for his coffee and sandwich?

With this guy we both earn well so money not a problem. For me is just rudeness and tight not even shout coffee or any acknowledgment. Is a concern how he would behave with money in future, would he ask to split the bill for a bag if potatoes and tooth paste 😏 who want to live like that.
He ask for second date I’m still contemplating if I should go as overall not a bad date.

If invited, it would be polite of them to offer to pay, but I would insist on paying my share. If he's at the counter it should be natural to get yours while there, same as me if I was. Can always pay back after, just nice to do it. Xx

I haven’t dated in 20 years so this thread is a lesson in how dating has changed.

I would find it rude if my date placed their own order and left me to get mine. But I can see that’s old-fashioned thinking 😂

As it was a good date otherwise, I would give him a second chance.

@Honeybu if you don't like they way the first date went, don't go on a second.

Next time make sure that the man is prepared to pay. You have your boundaries, stick to them.

If you met online via a dating platform you go Dutch until you are a few dates in and start 'treating' each other.

If someone asks you out they pay but it is good form to offer to split the bill.

If you are one of the 1950s mumsnet dwellers you go to the bathroom to powder your nose just after the bill arrives and hope the magic Visa Mastercard fairies deal with it before you return.

Said like a true bloke. Very, very few women think “ah yes I’ll go on this date and spend at least an hour with a bloke I have no interest in for a free latte and a sandwich” 😂

If I was dating seriously I'd be lining up multiple dates, and I'd expect the men to be doing so too. Do you expect him to pay for 2 x drinks on all of those? A tenner for two coffees seems minimal but add that up over a couple of weeks... I wouldn't do that for men I'd met once so I don't expect them to do it for me.

I would also want to firmly weed out any men with "traditional" protector/provider mindsets. Not for me. Set expectations of equality out at the start.

In my experience "generosity" on a first date is fake shit. They don't really know you and you don't really know them. They're just trying to play a role they think all women like. True generosity comes with getting to know someone and actually putting some thought into what they enjoy and how they like to be treated.

I brought my friend a coffee today, what did I buy?

I haven't dated in 20 years,either i always,went 50/50 but it was more i would get a round ,they would get a,round etc.

Definitely 50/50 or separate bills for a first date.

Nope, he’s probably not very interested. Men generally want to impress and offer to pay. I wouldn’t have given a second date to anyone that didn’t offer.

This would put me off, it wasn’t a full blown meal it was £8! If he can’t afford to spend £8 on you it’s a bit worrying!

Honestly-it's not something I'm overly fussed about-but I think it's a bit cheap to not offer to pay since he was the one who invited you out.

Also all the comments about equality-I wasn't aware that a man paying £8 meant that a woman was handing over all her rights in exchange for it. What nonsense.

I wouldn't bother with a second date if I felt that strongly about him not paying after asking me out.

I haven't been on the dating scene for over a decade but would expect a man who asked me out to pay for the first date and then in turns for subsequent dates.

Can't even spend the price of a tea on me? Au revoir

Someone I know and love dearly went on a few dates with a bloke who did exactly this.
And he was tight.

Unattractively tight.
The few dates confirmed it.