Who pays first date

[Honeybu]

Ok I just been for a first date coffee.

been chatting with the guy online and he asks to meet up for a coffee so I agree and went on the date. He then proceeded to make his order ( latte and sandwich) cost £8 at the counter and paid for his bill without asking what I wanted. I then ordered mine and paid (latte and sandwich) cost £8 and paid . I got sandwich as wouldn’t want to sit and watch him eat feel awkward.

I felt he should’ve paid given that he asks me out. If I ask a friend or any new male/female friend I’m getting to know I would pay as I ask them to come for drink.

offcourse once we progress I would be paying and contributing.

Please what is your opinion on first date who should pay?

This post is not about judgement on me but your opinion and experience to share. Thanks

I’d find this off putting to be fair if he asked you then can’t even offer to buy you a coffee if not see him again
ad you say as things progress be good to share costs and take turns to pay the bill

DH did this. At the time I thought "ooh bit rude!" but I judged him on the date overall and the fact that when we got to the bat, he automatically ordered me a large not small wine lol. Twelve years, three kids, he's definitely.pre careful with money and I think of you're doing lots of first dates, there's an element of it being very expensive if you're always having to ask because the woman wants to be ASKED and the woman wants to be PAID FOR

Even if I was in the queue with a friend I would say what are you having.

Yes, a friend. Not some random you've never met before and may realise you never want to meet again 10 mins into a conversation.

He paid for his.
you paid for yours.

Tbh the “whoever’s idea it was for the date” is a very old fashioned view. I would hate to feel beholden to someone cos they essentially paid for me to be out with them.

don’t really know what the issue is

I’d stand a colleague lunch, it’s a nice thing to do. A man without the means or attitude to do the same is not the one for me.

I'm with most people on here. Pay for your own. It seems silly to expect the man to pay!
You're having coffee together, that's all.

I’d stand a colleague lunch, it’s a nice thing to do.

Good for you and incidentally, so would I- who said anything about a colleague though? This is someone the OP has been speaking to online. In other words, a complete stranger.

Before everyone starts shrieking about women only wanting equality when it suits them, let's be honest - there is no equality for women at the moment.

So the man can pay for the first coffee. If he doesn't, there won't be a second date as far as I'm concerned. And if he's going on hundreds of dates and I didn't stand out to him enough for him to bother to act like he cares then that weeds out the wrong one for me, too.

I prefer going 50/50. I don't like feeling indebted to someone, especially someone I don't know well. Having dinner bought for me by someone that hasn't actually got feelings for me feels weird. It feels like I'm being paid.

None of that example makes sense or demonstrates equality or equity for women at all!

I hate this idea that a man pays the bill for a women’s company - it goes against everything women have fought for in terms of equality. That said, I’d still be mindful of tightness. Tight fuckers are mean spirited and no fun to be shackled with.

Quite. He's so desperate not to pay, he's scared to even buy the OP's coffee in case she doesn't manage to pay him back 8 measly quid. Tight AF.

They wouldn't be able to multi date and thereby mess women around if they had to stump for a lowly coffee. Really is the bar that low now that someone who asks you out isn't even expected to get you a coffee or offer to ? Most people will pay for their own anyway but to not even to offer.. I despair.

I suspect I'm older than many MN users

My generation probably would expect the man to pay on first date, unless it's clear there won't be a second, in which case we would be keen to split the bill

But, really, I do think 50 50 / paying your own way is better. If we say we want equality, we should mean it

He didn't "ask you out" though. You connected on a dating site and someone had to move things along from chatting to meeting in person.

I was thinking about this recently and I thinking for an Internet first date just each pay for themselves.

I think wouldn't have bothered me to sit with him eating, I know this is bothers some people but if I couldn't afford it, I wouldn't have paid.

Perhaps it's good manners however to ask you first if you eating or establish they first before ordering his sandwich? So he didn't risk you feeling uncomfortable.

I reckon by Internet date 3 ish I would expect him to to pay.

However if it wasn't an Internet date and you had met someone and spoken and they asked you for a date I would expect them to pay.

He did! He asked her to go for coffee.

He asked her out on a date. Stop it.

Honestly the bar has been set so low.

He wouldn’t be getting a date if he couldn’t even shout a coffee

So then people would just settle? Men because they can't afford to pay any for any more dates and women because they'd got to a stage where they felt indebted to the man?

Sounds like a great idea 🙄

I despair too. Paying your own way is not a low bar!

He should have paid. He's cheeky and tight! If he can't afford a coffee and sandwich for a date he invited a women on, he should not be dating. If he could afford it but chose not to, then he's tight.

"I'm upset I didn't get a free day out"

If he's paying, what is he buying?

50/50 for the first few dates.

I think it makes a difference if it’s an OLD or someone you know from work/hobby etc.
OLD is a split the bill job because you don’t know if you’ll ever see them again. Old fashioned way, there’s a good chance you’ve already established some kind of a friendship and are nudging it along.

I love everyone calling him tight when OP was the one who expected to be paid for.

It might be the sort of men I've been out with, but 90% of men have refused to let me pay on dates. Mr Pony insisted on paying for everything for our first few dates, and only when it became clear that there were going to be regular dates, much more often, did he relax a bit and allow me to pay. The boyfriend before him was exactly the same.