Who pays first date

[Honeybu]

Ok I just been for a first date coffee.

been chatting with the guy online and he asks to meet up for a coffee so I agree and went on the date. He then proceeded to make his order ( latte and sandwich) cost £8 at the counter and paid for his bill without asking what I wanted. I then ordered mine and paid (latte and sandwich) cost £8 and paid . I got sandwich as wouldn’t want to sit and watch him eat feel awkward.

I felt he should’ve paid given that he asks me out. If I ask a friend or any new male/female friend I’m getting to know I would pay as I ask them to come for drink.

offcourse once we progress I would be paying and contributing.

Please what is your opinion on first date who should pay?

This post is not about judgement on me but your opinion and experience to share. Thanks

When I was dating most of men insisted paying but I am aware that was part of their culture. My DH is of that culture I mostly dated and he didn't let me pay on any of our dates. And he still doesn't expect me to pay.

Argh im clearly from the 50s but i would expect the man to pay but i also wouldn't date more than one man at once (last went on a date over a decade ago).

Im quite old fashioned, i know it's wrong but it's what i think 🤣🤣🤣 i think my friends (male and female) are the same. Maybe we all live in a time portal haha

Fwiw i always offer to pay for a friend if we go for coffee/costa sandwiches, it's not really worth splitting.

Incredible that he's contemplating a second date with someone too tight to even shout him a coffee.
He's set the bar very low for himself

I know. She won't even pay for the date, can you imagine a long term relationship with someone so tight?

Do women not want to impress?

Do you think men can only impress with their wallets and women can only impress with their looks?

The person who invites should pay.

Sorry, but this way of thinking is incredibly old fashioned and sexist.

I'd never expect someone to pay or order for me on a first date and think it's unfair to judge someone harshly if they don't fund you.

Dating is about finding out what joy, what value, what stability, what kindness a man can offer to add to your life. If that doesn't start on the first date or even stretch to a coffee, then that's a big no thank you!

We've been sold a lie about equality

What if it's a mutual decision?

So why can't a woman show joy by paying for herself? She could maybe show kindness by paying for the man?

I think 50 50 is fine but it's a bit awkward to order your own after they've ordered yours without offering. I mean I would perhaps do that at work but elsewhere would always offer to the person I was with even with the expectation that they would decline.

Personally I would find it off-putting that he behaved as he did but would probably give him another date to make sure, if all.else was good.

How interested are you supposed to be in someone you've chatted to online? They could be anyone! It's literally a first meeting - no spotting each other in a bar or mutual friends, just some photos and some messages!

If someone asked me out for a date I would definitely expect them to pay, although I may make a half hearted offer to pay my share.

Do please expand on the "lie" that "equality" has sold us. Am I right in guessing you think feminism is to blame?

Dating is indeed about finding out what joy, value and kindness a man offers, which is why I pay most attention to his ethics, his communication, his world view and his respect for me - including my wish not to be paid for.

I just think the behaviour is rude, it's not about the money it's about social convention, making someone feel comfortable etc. I wouldn't expect a man to spend more overall but he should have offered in this scenario. Was he young and nervous? That might excuse it. If he was generally confident it would be a turn off.

They met for coffee. It was their first meeting.
Why should he pay?

Yeah he sounds really tight . He was at the counter he could of just bought you a coffee, even friends do that for eachother! Especially since he asked you out

Would that be all social conventions?

I just think the behaviour is rude, it's not about the money it's about social convention, making someone feel comfortable etc.

And if we always used the excuse of social conventions, women would be chained to the sink and all kinds of other unpalatable things.

I wouldn't say no if a guy offered but I also wouldn't be bothered if he didn't in the early stages

I'm old fashioned but I expect the man to pay.

even friends do that for eachother!

They are not even friends! They have never even met before!

Would you exhange a few pleasantries with someone in the queue behind you and ask them what they want and pay for them?

Meal I would expect to split but given that if ordering a coffee I’ll ask anyone I’ve ever even said a brief hello to (slight exaggeration but not much!) if they want one, I would absolutely be put off by someone wanting to order coffees separately.

Why?

I'd go 50/50 or each pay for our own orders.