To be worrying about these children in my local park?

[TheDevilWearsPrimark]

They seem to be there every time I go, never with a parent or guardian, usually playing by the pond. I mostly see them at weekends or late afternoon, but they have been there on school days too.

They are really lovely children, very well spoken and like to play with my DC. I just can't help but worry about them. They are brothers and sisters, a 12 year old girl, and boys aged 9, 5 and 4. They have told me they live around the corner and are allowed to play in the park.

I have chatted to them lots as they like to help the DC with feeding the ducks, but they have often eaten the bread themselves. They are always very muddy and dressed in worn out, too small clothes. I've bought them all ice creams from the cafe before and shared picnics and they seem ravenous.

Am I just being suspicious, or is it possible they are being neglected? I hate to judge and consider myself very liberal but I think children of this age shouldn't be allowed free rein in a city park (we are in London)

Message withdrawn

I may be overthinking it but I am just imagining perhaps their mother is in a house overlooking , where she can keep an eye on them, and just sends them out in old clothes to get messy. Plus most children are always hungry, especially when running around.

Maybe mother is watching as you say. The clothes thet wear are irrelevant as long as they are suitably dressed for the weather. If they are well spoken and polite they are obviously looked after.

Have to disagree with you cornsilk - just because a child is well spoken and polite does not mean that they are looked after.

TDWP - YANBU as I would worry about this too. I think that you need to speak to social services about your concerns if you really are that worried about the children.

What I mean is they're not running wild.

If their mother is truly watching out of a window, wouldn't she have run out shouting when you started to buy them icecreams?

Have you asked the children why they are always by themselves in the park and where their parents are?

hamster I would never call social services about anyone unless I had firm conclusive evidence. The implications can be horrible.

I just wonder if I could do anything for them (and their mother), but I don't want to probe them, plus they have probably been taught what to say/ not to say to 'strangers'

the clothes thing is irrelevant - they don't sound very well off but such is life

do you live nearby? Is it possible to send a note home with the eldest explaining that your dc have enjoyed playing with them in the park and if possible would they like to come to your house for tea (with mother present)? This might a) be nice for them b) be nice for your dc and c) enable you to assess if everything is ok at home

Perhaps they are really a Wood Nymph and 3 Young Satyrs

i would go with your instinct. its too late if something does happen to the children.
if everthing is o.k then nothing lost.

my DS(10) and his friends often meet in the park to play and believe me if you saw the way they are dressed you would think they had been abandoned.....i've caught my DS going out with trainers that have holes in them ( then you can't tell me off for using them as brakes), jumpers that look like they've just come out of the wash basket (and most probably have) and hair that doesn't look like it's seen a comb in months omg i sound so slovenly he's always starving and would eat anything if it wasn't nailed down!! i promise i feed him well but at that age it's like filling a botomless pit. btw i would let him watch over younger ones cos i know he's responsible but if you're worried try and keep an eye on them and leyt them know that if there's any trouble they can talk to you.

i've had worries about a neighbours child and called on the pretext of asking permission to take him to the pool with DS. turned out that i was worrying for nothing but it made me feel better

Onlyaphase, yes I have but they just say 'we are allowed to play here, mum says it's okay'.

i agree with franny. i would try and get in touch with the parents.

F&Z that's a really good idea. I will do that!

Have you asked where their mum is?

Incidentally, my dcs would look just like this in the park and would be ravenous for ice creams at any time of night and day! But I wouldn't let my 4-year-old go over there with just the older ones and not me.

F+Z's suggestion sounds very sensible to me.i would not call ss about children playing in a park unsupervised,unless they were too young.

my dc play out in their scruffy old clothes,which end up even dirtier when theyve been out for a couple of hours.

the only thing id be concerned about is that they accepted an ice-cream from a stranger.my dc would always check with me before doing owt like that.

TDWP I'm a social worker - I understand what exactly the implications can be and have also seen what happens when people have concerns and do not share them!

I'll be honest and say it sounds ok to me, btw, just different from what happens in most families
this is the kind of thing that would have happened as the norm 30 years ago and no-one would have thought anything of it
it is so rare to see children out without strict supervision these days that it is hard for us to assess whether they are genuinely at risk or whether this is our knee jerk reaction to something we aren't familiar with

but it certainly is possible they are a family in difficulties and if you are truly willing to help out then I think you could be in a position to do them a good turn here

BUT:

"I think children of this age shouldn't be allowed free rein in a city park (we are in London)"
I think you may have to put these opinions to one side as the parents may have different, equally valid views
having decided to give your children more freedom than is the norm is not proof of neglect

I find the notion that they are well spoken therefore well looked after quite
If they were cockney I bet all of you would be saying call social services now!!!!

I'd not jump to conclusions if I were you. They are 90% likely not being neglected, are closely watched, have a strict curfew, and a wonderfully liberal mother, who has brought them up very responsibly so that they are acutely aware of risks and strangers around them.... sure, keep an eye out, but until you see something worrying- I mean proper worrying, not just projection of possible problems arising- let the family get on with it.

And I wouldn't buy someone else's children icecreams. If they were my children I'd be a bit pee'd off- especially if they then did not eat their tea!!
Nice gesture, but you don't know how strict their mother might be about sweets/ treats etc...

YANBU to be concerned about the kids but DO NOT phone social services until you have evidence they are being neglected. Differing parenting styles ie allowing a 12yr old to look after her younger siblings is no reason to involve social service fgs.

this sort of thing is the norm where i live.i often see 9-12 year olds in the park with children younger than 4.but i suppose its different up north.

Kerrymum, yes we live in a bit of a 'nappy valley'. The pond is totally fenced off, and has fenced jetty's for feeding the ducks.

Perhaps their mother feels they are safe as it is a very family park, and clearly no harm has come as I have been seeing them since last summer.

I am definitly doing what F&Z suggested.