To be worrying about these children in my local park?

[TheDevilWearsPrimark]

They seem to be there every time I go, never with a parent or guardian, usually playing by the pond. I mostly see them at weekends or late afternoon, but they have been there on school days too.

They are really lovely children, very well spoken and like to play with my DC. I just can't help but worry about them. They are brothers and sisters, a 12 year old girl, and boys aged 9, 5 and 4. They have told me they live around the corner and are allowed to play in the park.

I have chatted to them lots as they like to help the DC with feeding the ducks, but they have often eaten the bread themselves. They are always very muddy and dressed in worn out, too small clothes. I've bought them all ice creams from the cafe before and shared picnics and they seem ravenous.

Am I just being suspicious, or is it possible they are being neglected? I hate to judge and consider myself very liberal but I think children of this age shouldn't be allowed free rein in a city park (we are in London)

I would be worried - especially if they're often near the pond, as you mentioned. Doesn't take long or much depth for a child to drown. They ought to be supervised. Could you ask to meet their parent(s)/guardian(s) and have a chat in the first instance?

wow i'm def free range. there has to be a happy medium. my mum is up there with rr i think she went mad that my brother didn't call when his plane landed even though she knew he got on fine and there was no accident.....he's nearly 30.... she didn't let me cross a road till i was 13 and she nearly had a fit!! even though we lived in one of the safest countries in the world she had our school journeys timed and we had to check in every 30 mins if we went out, even if it was just to the library which was across the road and she could see us

interesting thread
I would agree with F&Z's points. in particular, just because you as a parent would not allow the children to have this amount of freedom does not mean you are right and the other parent is wrong.
this sounds quite a lot like my childhood tbh.
is it possible that they are home-educated?

This sort of thing would definitely have been the norm when/whereI grew up (and still is, to a degree there still) but isn't where I live now - am assuming that is the case too where TDWP lives. If they allow you to buy them ice creams, share picnics, etc I think it should be fine to ask a few more probing questions - I think you said they are in the park on schooldays too? Ask them if they go to school or are HE'd?

Or failing Franny's polite approach you could just give them a note to take home saying you are worried the youngsters are there alot and unsupervised.

"but why take the risk. we are all aware of the risks out there, children are so precious, i just cannot see why any parent would expose them intentionally to these risks."

because the risks are TINY and no greater than what they were 30 years ago when most children of 7 were allowed to walk to school by themselves

and because the ADVANTAGES of this kind of free range play are enormous - for their social skills, their health, their self-confidence, their physical and emotional development, their problem solving skills, I could go on and on

we are obsessively protecting our children from a miniscule risk and in the process are denying them the chance to develop in so many ways

yes, what Franny said.
of course we all take risks all the time
you have to weigh up risks and benefits
to have a no-risk parentung approach would be bonkers an very very dull

Message withdrawn

I agree woth Franny, the risks are small and stats (on child abductions) have not changed over the years, either going up or down. The fear of crime has shot up though.

personally though, I'd probably be out with them having a laugh too.

"an 8yo should not walk 10 mins to school alone."
you see I really disagree with that
I find it sad the NSPCC feels the need to give such advice - an 8 year old who feels happy being out on their own for 10 mins is not neglect

Message withdrawn

There are some children near me who go down to the park by themselves. they are about 8. 3 girls from neighbouring houses.
I am always slightly suprised by it as it seems so unusual these days.

I agree with the note idea from Fand Z . I am another one of her fans! F and Z rocks!!

TDWP, you seem a very nice person.

I think the situation as described is a bit worrying, chiefly because of the age o fthe smaller children and it being in London. Personally I think the NSPCC advice is far too cautious though. I am happy to let my 8 year old play with friends on the village football pitch and my 6 year old to wander up to neighbour's houses on her own. It's a tiny village which isn't on the way to anywhere (so virtually no traffic) and all the houses face the road.

To say that an 8 year old should never be out alone or without a much older child is sad to my mind.

TDWP I would urge you to do something i.e the letter - or if you can even walk them home one day. They sound vulnerable - esp the 4yo. A 12 yr old is far too young to have that kind of responsibility and to NEVER see the Mother is a bit . I think you should trust your instincts on this. maybe not to SS, but please walk them home one day. I fear it is a matter of time before someone takes advantage of their obviously trusting natures.

Btw it sounds like Wandsworth Common - I grew up there...

i would be concerned but do think you should try and contact the mum somehow..
recently i noticed that there were 2 kids aged about 5 and 7 in our local park on their own, and then some bloke appeared who they seemed to know and he was OUT of it on drugs (tried to flash himself to my sister, was falling over and screaming...nice) - they told me that HE had bought them to the park and his name. I called the police straight away because there was no way he should have been in charge of them. They said that i had done absolutely the right thing - as it turned out the dad appeared a about 5 mins later (no idea why he thought it was ok to leave his kids with the other bloke but i was leaving the park by then). Anyway, i know this is diferent to your situation but i did worry the police would be annoyed and was surprised that they were so helpful.
I am sure SS right away is not a good idea but if you meet the mum and continue to feel worried then do call them.

It would concern me that the 12 year old is in charge of the 4 year old, not just now and then, but apparently very regularly.

Apart from that, agree it could easily be a free range approach and the children could be home educated.

I too like F&Z's idea of a note so you get to meet the mother.

My only other suggestion is to make an impromptu visit sometime on some pretext.

If, for instance, one of the childen gets hurt or it's getting dark or stormy or there's a rough looking crowd in the park gently insist on walking the children back to their home. As they say their home is very nearby, this isn't such a big deal. Then, when you knock on the door, hopefully you will meet the mother and can suss things out a little.

The children may refuse to walk with you - they may have been told to stay in the park and not to go with strangers. It's just a thought.