To be worrying about these children in my local park?

[TheDevilWearsPrimark]

They seem to be there every time I go, never with a parent or guardian, usually playing by the pond. I mostly see them at weekends or late afternoon, but they have been there on school days too.

They are really lovely children, very well spoken and like to play with my DC. I just can't help but worry about them. They are brothers and sisters, a 12 year old girl, and boys aged 9, 5 and 4. They have told me they live around the corner and are allowed to play in the park.

I have chatted to them lots as they like to help the DC with feeding the ducks, but they have often eaten the bread themselves. They are always very muddy and dressed in worn out, too small clothes. I've bought them all ice creams from the cafe before and shared picnics and they seem ravenous.

Am I just being suspicious, or is it possible they are being neglected? I hate to judge and consider myself very liberal but I think children of this age shouldn't be allowed free rein in a city park (we are in London)

What a mean is what I said

It doesn't make you feel safer about letting your kids out if it is 1 in 20000 that go missing when yours is that 1.

I don't think I really understand your argument there ... I mean, yeah, risk and statistics can be a bitch. My kid might be the unlucky one who gets abducted. They might be the unlucky one who gets hit by a meteorite. I'm not sure I see much difference between the two, though.

But Banana, do you let your children do other things that involve some element of risk? Eg, travel in a car? Train? Cross roads?

and it isn't anything LIKE 1 in 20,000 children who go missing

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I very much suspect the two women arrested are linked to the family.

I know it is 1 in 20,000. I didn't know what the statistic was so chose a random number.

Of course I drive my kids in the car - it is a calculated risk, but I wouldn't let them cross a road alone without me there to supervise, nor walk to school.

My kids, my way of doing things.

Same as for every one.

BTW Women arrested are related to the step father.

I know it isn't 1 in.....

well, letting your child play out alone at an age you think suitable, is also a calculated risk
I doubt anyone would chastise you for choosing to put your child at risk for letting them travel in a car?

The thing is, if they are in my car being driven by me I have an element of control.

If I let them play out alone I have none.

Mine are small and still need 100% supervision when outside of the house.

I let my 11 year old son walk to school, go to the park with his friends, as long is he is back by a certain time. I believe that kids of that age need to explore and exercise their independance. BUT I don't think I would allow or encourage him to look after my nearly four year DS old because I think it's such a big responsibility. It's the chance that something serious could go wrong and I would not want him to have to shoulder that. It's not OK for a 12 year old to parent their siblings the whole time.

As to what the OP should do... well the letter idea is great. If you get no response and are still worried, I would contact the school and flag up your concerns. If there isn't anything to worry about then you have just come across as a concerned member of the community....but, it might just be the missing part of the jigsaw in a picture of wider concerns.

I think you have an element of control over certain aspects, and none over others

I think this is true in both situations

'if they are in my car being driven by me I have an element of control'. To some extent, yes. But 2 people I knew were killed in car crashes for which other drivers were entirely responsible, and 3 people I know were disabled in similar circumstances. The sense of control that cars give us can be illusory.

And IMO it's a dangerous illusion - one that, by increasing the amount of traffic on the road, poses far more of a threat to children in public places than 'stranger danger' does.

It was just an example.

I feel really got at here.

I stated how I felt, as did some others, why I am I being constantly questioned?

You're not being got at, you posted your opinion and I have a different one, so I'm asking you some questions to try to find out why you feel that way, and also to see if you might see my point of view if we discuss it a bit
other people feel the same way and are chipping in with questions

I don't really see what has made you feel uncomfortable but there isn't any need to go on discussing it if you don't want to

I think the car example is very interesting as it highlights how we DO have this illusion that if we are exercising some control in a situation, that makes the situation safer, regardless of the risks.

Cars are deeply unsafe things. Your kid is much much more likely to be killed by, say, a car careering into the pavement or another car going into the back of you on the exit road from the motorway, than to be abducted.

I have to admit actually, having been in a 5 car pile up not too long ago (which was not my fault, I promise) , and having known several people be killed or seriously, irrecoverably injured in car crashes, I do limit the time my kids spend in cars. And at the same time, I give them more freedom than most, I suspect. I certainly can see my kids going to the park alone at a fairly young age-in fact the ONLY thing that would give me pause for thought is the fact they have to cross a couple of roads.

Thank you. I feel really low and a cr*p parent today and took it personally. Sorry.

I am probably over protective of my kids and I feel I have reason to be but if I explained it people would think I was even more crazy than they know I am.

oh that was an unfortunate x post...

NotaBanana, MN is the WRONG place to be sometimes when you are feeling crap
these kind of debate threads are far too 'robust'

sorry you are having a bad day - want to talk about it?

you are totally entitled to your opinions about risk. I don't agree but that's ok

Made me laugh at you don't agree.

I would, but I am sure everyone is sick of hearing about how I am.

Thanks.

Aw I am sorry
it sounds tough
you are in the right place if you need support anyway - not the right time to get stuck into an argument though!

Quite.

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