To be worrying about these children in my local park?

[TheDevilWearsPrimark]

They seem to be there every time I go, never with a parent or guardian, usually playing by the pond. I mostly see them at weekends or late afternoon, but they have been there on school days too.

They are really lovely children, very well spoken and like to play with my DC. I just can't help but worry about them. They are brothers and sisters, a 12 year old girl, and boys aged 9, 5 and 4. They have told me they live around the corner and are allowed to play in the park.

I have chatted to them lots as they like to help the DC with feeding the ducks, but they have often eaten the bread themselves. They are always very muddy and dressed in worn out, too small clothes. I've bought them all ice creams from the cafe before and shared picnics and they seem ravenous.

Am I just being suspicious, or is it possible they are being neglected? I hate to judge and consider myself very liberal but I think children of this age shouldn't be allowed free rein in a city park (we are in London)

let me make that 99% likely....

As I said I would never report someone to social services. Even if I witnessed something I thought was certainly neglect I would try the HV team first.

it does sound safe and it sounds like an idyllic way to spend their childhood tbh
think of all the children's books based around mucking about outdoors without any adults to interfere - and there is no more danger from strangers than there used to be - only heightened awareness of this danger

do you live near Waterlow or Stationers Park, TheDevil?

What do you think big bad social services would do - come and steal the children away? And if you report it to HV team and they have concerns then thay just have to share them with ss anyway.
It is up to to you of course, it is just that people's perceptions of ss nark me.

bergentulip, the first time I bought them one was after they followed us to the cafe and were playing with the DC as I bought ice cream. They counted out their money and only had enough for one and a carton of juice. I would have felt awful watchng them share a cone, so treated them all.

I have no idea what their mother would think, I'd just like to know who and where she is.

hamsterlover, no of ocurse they wouldn't take them away but they would intrude on the families lives and question every action they make, which I don't think anyone should have enforced on them after a stranger had a hunch.

suzy, no I don't but they look lovely!

You sound lovely, DWP - just the sort of mum I hope my dcs run into the park!

Sure, of course, in that context, if they had money and the freedom to buy one themselves anyway. I probably just read the original post wrong, and saw it as 'poor little neglected waifs, let me buy you sweeties'.... in the situation you describe, of course I would have chipped in another £1 or so )

oooh- blimey, did not mean to grin!! just smile.... how odd! !!!

Bergentulip, I have done the same a few times.

It is just a bit odd that they are always in the park, and always love the attention I give them.

My old Nanny took the DC to the park and told me 'crazy gypsy ' children were trying to play with the DC. I had to laugh when I realised she meant them, she was Bulgarian so possibly a bit anti gypsy.

(namechange as this was my St Patricks day name and my profile has been stuck to it and won't move, grr)

I think it is strange that you have never seen the mother- even if they are often alone you would expect to run into her with them at least once

You're instincts could well be right, which would be a shame. I like to think there are parents out there who are still willing to let their children have a bit of freedom.

But then, I live in Holland, and things are very different here (did live in SW London though, so feel I can compare). There are 100s of children roaming the streets, til all hours. In fact, often, when miserable me is trying to get my 3yr old to go to sleep at 7pm, it can be hard to convince him it's a good idea when I can hear other children of the same age outside having a whale of a time (it is 'whale' right? Anyway, you know what I mean....[!])

I like the sending-a-note-back-with-them-for-an-invite-round-yours idea. That seems the right approach to check things out and lay your worries to rest.

F&Z , how do you do it? You are always the voice of reason and have fantastic ideas about how to approach things.

I am grateful, but a tad jealous.

It's a difficult thing really. I can only tell you what i did in similar circumstances recently.

I noticed over a couple of days/week whilst taking my ds to the park a boy (about 10) hanging about playing. He was filthy and not wearing shoes. I started to engage with him but he was very reticent and when i asked where his mum was he got very cagey and jumped on his bike and cycled off. Over the next couple of days i saw him a couple of times, always dirty and minus shoes.

I was quite concerned (it was not summer) but didn't want to interfere for being seen as nosy, etc. Finally i saw him in the park with blood running down his foot, he had cut it, talked to him about it and he said his mum would fix it. Later that day i saw him again still barefoot and no plaster. I phoned the local police and they were great. They sent a car out and managed to track him to his home, where his mother and baby brother were living in squalid conditions. Turned out the husband had left and she was struggling to cope.

Anyway, social services got involved and were supporting the mother. I did agonise over doing anything, i didn't want to cause problems, but the policeman made me feel better when he said that it was better to say and be wrong, than to keep quiet and it all to go wrong.

hope that this helps, and that these children are just free spirits enjoying the fresh air.

I don't live in London so I don't really understand that aspect of it but where I live it is quite normal for siblings this age to play out together. No pond in our park though. It is also quite normal for people not to have enough money to buy 4 ice creams and to jump at the chance of getting an ice cream from another parent.

Hmm, it's funny how much this sort of thing has become Not Normal.

Outside DS2's nursery, there is a small pointless park and football pitch. On Monday, there were two boys who were probably 7, 8 at most. No adults with them. They seemed ok, I don't know how long they were out for, I didn't really speak to them. But even though I know I played out at that age, it's just not "normal" here and now ...

DWP you are very kind but I often shoot my mouth off and get in bother
you obviously catch me on my good days

just had 2 hour nap after which I defy anyone to be totally unreasonable

TDVP are you talking about the big duck pond on clapham common?

and agree F&Z how are you always the voice of reason? i wish i could be

kama, should they be worried about accepting ice cream from a mother with two under 5's that they regularly see in the park?

ha ha I am copy and pasting these comments and shall refer to them next time I get jumped on from great height

Devil strictly speaking yes I think perhaps they should have
most parents will have given rules such as 'no food from strangers'
they have obviously decided you are not a stranger
and I can't fault their logic there
but they haven't strictly followed the rules have they?