To never leave the house ever again

[Dodosareextinct]

Had the worst experience shopping today...took my 1 and 2 year olds food shopping. Both fell asleep in the car, which is great as they're usually happy when they wake up. Anyway, 2yo started screaming as soon as I put her in the pram. She continued screaming, despite my best efforts to correct and redirect, talk in a soothing voice, ask if she wanted to help with shopping, asking if she wanted a cuddle, to sit in trolley instead of pram, if she wanted pram snacks, to watch something on my phone etc, everything I could think of to calm her down. Everything I said was met with screams and hitting out at me. So I decided to continue with shopping as we need food. Everyone was staring me and stopped what they were doing and a lady came up to me and said "your poor child, why aren't you picking her up" and looked at me like I was something she'd stood in.
I literally burst into tears, left my shopping mid-aisle and went back to the car. Put kids back in and drove home.
This keeps happening with older toddler and I understand it's her age but it's every single time we leave the house. So much so that I never want to leave the house ever again!

It happens to all of us, I had two under two as well, and it feels relentless.

I promise you, this stage will pass. And you will look back and laugh.

And ignore the passers by - they'll have forgotten it in an instant, and so should you.

If it happens again just say to the other adult " If you're such an expert on children you fucking take over!"

You will wind them up about it when they are grown up, and trust me, it happens way quicker than you can ever imagine!

If it any help, when dd2 was 2, she once lost the plot and raged for over an hour in a busy shopping street - hysterical screaming and flailing and sobbing. Absolutely nothing I did made a difference. She is now 14 and completely delightful. It's a stage. It does pass.

Who are these random fuckers who stick their oar into every situation? It’s true what they say, opinions are like arseholes, everyone has one and they all stink.

You’re not being unreasonable.

Happens to us all and it will pass
That was really tactless of the lady to say that just ignore

Absolutely this! EVERYONE of us has been there & she should have known better.. stupid interfering cow!

I literally just want to hibernate until they're older! I had to stop going to playgroups/toddler classes/soft play because older one just runs around hitting and pushing the other kids over. No matter how many conversations we have about gentle hands and being kind I spent every second redirecting her as she lost all interest in any activity at the group. Its also difficult to follow both now the youngest is on the move too!

Tbh I stopped taking my 3 year old food shopping a long time ago as he doesn’t let me do any actual shopping.

Can you do online food shops instead?

I also basically didn’t go out to eat for a couple of years, and even now, I take my 3 year old to places where the food is instant without a wait.

Regarding the behaviour with the unprovoked pushing etc, that may need something firmer than a ‘kind hands’ talk. I’d recommend reaching out to your HV who can also get a nursery nurse to call you with some advice.

Mine are teens now but when they were that little I felt like I was on the verge of tears nearly every time I had to take them into a shopping/public building situation. It seemed like one of them (I have 3) was always kicking off. I’d probably have done the same as you if someone had said that to me - people are so daft. I would also have done what you were doing before that - just try to get round and out asap and ignore the screaming.

Your post takes me back to that time. It’s so bloody exhausting, stressful and some people seem to love sticking the boot in as an added extra to the whole experience.

For every twat making unhelpful and judgy remarks, there’s a lot of us who understand that awful feeling and are silently sympathetic. It feels so relentless at the time too. Like it’s never going to end. Try your absolute best to focus on the task in hand and ignore any looks and snarky comments. You’ve tried all the usual tactics for minimising shopping tantrums, so just be firm, explain the shopping needs to be done or there wont be anything to eat at meal times. Then plow on, ignoring the protests. Keep going.

What’s she like at nursery? Have the nursery staff said anything about her behaviour. It is a stage at that age to have tantrums and it can seem horrible out in public with people staring. But I’d be a bit concerned about the constant screaming and not being able to go anywhere because she hits and pushes everyone.

We try get food deliveries when possible. Or just one of us nips to the shop. I HATE taking the kids (1+4) shopping! That woman is a cow! Big hugs xx

It’s easy for me in hindsight, but ido remember these days. Mine are adults now. But my eldest suffered from extreme jealousy of her younger sibling and her behaviour was similar. With hindsight I wish I had given her some time on her own with mummy and left the baby with dad/ Granma if around, friend. I think it may have helped. This may be totally impractical for you. My youngest had a terrible time with bullying from her sibling which resonates to this day. But as I say hindsight is a wonderful thing.

good luck you sound as if you are doing an amazing job. It’s not easy. And ignore the interfering hags!

I gave up taking mine food shopping when I had youngest, he would cry most of the time. I switched to online shopping at that point or you could do what my friend did and go shopping after Dad is home. She called it her me time.

Me eldest did the lying on the floor full on tantrum in the middle of the supermarket once. I embrace her about it now she's 16.

My youngest used to plaintively shout 'HELP! HELP!' at passersby when I took him shopping.

No-one can reason with a 2 yo having a tantrum. Jeez, the cild is barely able to hear or comprehend anything external during this time as they are so focused on their needs, let alone comprehend the logic of not screaming in public.
Offering treats, correct and redirect (it's 2, fgs!), pram snacks..are all rewards for bad behaviour. Storingctrouble, not dealing with bad behaviour

Yep this!

Follow it up with you sanctimonious arsewipe!

Anytime I’ve seen a kid having a meltdown I just feel for their parents. I wouldn’t be judging you or your little tyrant. Mine’s 4 and still has the occasional hissy fit in public, painful. It’s not just you, happens to everyone. That woman was being an utter dick.

Plenty of times I’ve come home absolutely distraught at the shitshow that was my day and bawled to Dh I’m a shit mum. I only realised after another mum came to toddler group with a cut on her head because her kid had launched a toy at her head during a tantrum that it wasn’t just me. Then a bunch of us sat there and shared stories of “the time I had to carry my darling child out of x kicking and screaming” made me feel a lot better.

Where possible I just did an on-line shop.

Mine just add, stop hurting me ow please stop! If you tried to touch him at alll mid tantrum.

Joyful days

There's few parents around who haven't walked the aisles of a supermarket with a screaming child OP. However, I do wonder whether the problem came from her being woken up and then put in a pushchair/trolley in a busy and bright place. I'm not sure I'd love my nap ending in Tesco's to be honest! I think I would have sat in the car and just waited until they woke up before going in.
I would also be more concerned about the hitting etc etc. I would agree with PP about asking nursery about behavioural concerns they might have.

My Dd was awful. Full on tantrums in supermarkets. I used to ignore her and when other adults interfered trying to be ' helpful' I would say 'she's just upset she can't get her own way' please leave her, smile and carry on. It is horrible though op. I feel your pain. It will pass though 🍷

Mine are 17, 13, 8 and 6 so it wasn't that long ago I was going through that with the youngest two. It's exhausting. You have my sympathy OP. It will get easier.

I remember when DD was about that age. I tried to take her food shopping. She didn’t want to sit in the trolley, she didn’t want to walk. She wanted me to carry her but I couldn’t do that and push the trolley. She was very strong from a young age and I physically couldn’t get her in the trolley. So she lay on the floor until she had calmed down. Fortunately people were nice! Now if I see someone in a similar position I’ll say ‘Mine was just like that! It does get easier’. However, I do recommend getting your food shopping done online. I’ve tried going back to Lidl/Aldi and it’s no cheaper. The cost of online is worth it for peace of mind. You can do your list on the sofa and get it delivered either when they are napping or in bed in the evening.
On the plus side, I bet nosey lady was embarrassed she made you cry and I bet she’ll think twice about criticising a stranger again!