To never leave the house ever again

[Dodosareextinct]

Had the worst experience shopping today...took my 1 and 2 year olds food shopping. Both fell asleep in the car, which is great as they're usually happy when they wake up. Anyway, 2yo started screaming as soon as I put her in the pram. She continued screaming, despite my best efforts to correct and redirect, talk in a soothing voice, ask if she wanted to help with shopping, asking if she wanted a cuddle, to sit in trolley instead of pram, if she wanted pram snacks, to watch something on my phone etc, everything I could think of to calm her down. Everything I said was met with screams and hitting out at me. So I decided to continue with shopping as we need food. Everyone was staring me and stopped what they were doing and a lady came up to me and said "your poor child, why aren't you picking her up" and looked at me like I was something she'd stood in.
I literally burst into tears, left my shopping mid-aisle and went back to the car. Put kids back in and drove home.
This keeps happening with older toddler and I understand it's her age but it's every single time we leave the house. So much so that I never want to leave the house ever again!

@alrightluv they are 9 and 12 now so it was a while ago! Thankfully no more jam smashing since then!

@AutumnLeaves333 oh they're much easier ages (usually) 🙂

I'll never forget (and this is going back 19 years) being in Tesco with my son, who was having the most tremendous meltdown, kicking and screaming on the floor for ages. The amount of disapproving looks I got for not managing the situation was awful, but nothing I tried would work. In the end, I simply laid down quietly next to him (very odd, I know). He was that startled, he came out of it almost instantly and came over for a cuddle. A lovely lady came up to me a couple of minutes later to say how well I'd coped - which meant the absolute world to me, particularly as a young mother. I still remember her kind words vividly, and wish I'd seen her again to say how much her kindness meant to me. Shopping with toddlers can be a nightmare, and I'd say most parents that see you struggling out and about will feel nothing but sympathy. Ignore all of the others!

Online shopping is your friend OP

Op huge huge hugs!

@CountryMumof4 brilliant.

Hi OP,

I wonder if it would be good to take your DD to a paediatrician or a child psychologist?

I'm just wondering if there might be something really simple wrong like a grumbling ear infection that is making her properly crabby?

I had a really hard time with my DS and every middle aged woman on the face of the earth had an opinion about it.

In the end it turned out to be wheat intolerance, and an intolerance to the vitamins that are added to breakfast cereal.

I was nearly blind with tiredness, and ready to throw all well-meaning strangers through a window by the time I figured it out.

I'm still picking up the bits now, ten years later, as the toddler years are a key developmental stage and we missed such a lot with DS being basically really unwell for 4 years as a baby and toddler.

Keep your eyes peeling and you will work it out, but it might be good to ask an expert or two for a second opinion.

Ah, the toddler stage. My eldest is 18 and I still remember him screaming so much the whole of Sainsburys went silent, and how red my cheeks were with embarrassment. He has ASD so we have quite a bit of yelling and screaming in public over the years.

I have helped other mums in this situations, if I have time because parenting is tough and noone deliberately makes their child scream and tantrum in public. I’ve got several kids toys from my own kids childhoods in my bag that I take on planes for example to pass to frazzled parents. Little toy cars and those mini figures like Paw Patrol. I will ask the parent first if they think their child would like it, I don’t randomly thrust old toys at kids 🤣 but only ever once been told no thanks.

talk in a soothing voice, ask if she wanted to help with shopping, asking if she wanted a cuddle, to sit in trolley instead of pram, if she wanted pram snacks, to watch something on my phone etc,

No, no and no. You are basically begging with her and handing her all the power. Far too much choice (and a phone at this age is not on). No wonder she was overwhelmed. A good firm ENOUGH/NO is what children like this need to hear and you just get on with the task in hand, no communication. She will get the message or burn out from hollering eventually.

As for the other woman, ignore her. You don’t know her, her opinion doesn’t matter.

I can’t even believe how rude that woman was! I only know too well the stares and comments with my toddler (and I just have one kid to deal with!). Last week DD and I went to a bakery. Just before we got there a woman rushed in front of us to make sure she got in front. She looked around at my pram and DD in irritation when we lined up behind her. The woman was rolling her eyes at me and the pram.

So I clipped the pram into her foot after a minute in the pretence I was distracted by the display lol. I said, “Whoopsy.” I saw her turn to glare but it didn’t bother me. I laughed about it with DD on our walk with our lovely apple scroll.

I won’t allow anyone to make me feel like rubbish when out with DD.

OP - You sound like a really great mum and don’t let these rude people stop you from going out in public.

Oh what a thoughtless lady saying that.
Mine is a bit like this so sometimes I kept her have a screen in the shop and then I get judged for that instead of her crying 🤦🤣 but at least the experience is quieter.
This too will pass, I promise xx

@Neveralonewithaclone oooh this made me giggle, I bet you got some funny looks I hope he’s grown out of this now 😂

One of my children got into a habit of daily tantrums. My husband misguidedly tried to reason and jolly him out of it. It got worse and worse. I told my husband I was lowering the boom on both of them as his way was obviously not working. As soon as the toddler kicked off he was ignored and we, ideally, left the room. It's quite a lot of work when you're having to lie on the floor and keep screaming, yelling and flailing - and you don't have an audience. The tantrums almost entirely faded away because he was just ignored. This is much harder to do when you're out of course but I wouldn't be trying to reason or negotiate with a crying two year old. I would try to find out what was wrong but stop if there was "nothing" wrong. Your daughter has worked out that she can turn you into a babbling idiot offering all sorts of treats to shut her up. That woman had no right to talk to you like that though. She probably didn't raise children or it was so long ago that time has cast a rosy glow over the toddler stage.

Some children are just easier. My second child very easy going child never cried as a baby unless he was hungry or hurt. He gave a squawk when he was born then started looking round. His elder brother was born screaming non-stop. They lifted him over the screen for me to see and I couldn't really see his face because it was all scrunched up as he screamed as loud as he could.

There was one supermarket chain that I always tried to avoid because although it was much cheaper, it took much longer to navigate round and get through the checkout and pack the groceries. I just decided that I was going to pay slightly more not to have the stress of shopping there with whining children.

Your post made me sad. I can still remember a shopping trip like that when my two were small. I was near to crying or just running away or something. Except in my case instead of a woman being critical of me a woman came over and told me what a good job I was doing and empathised with how hard it is with two small children. It instantly made me feel better and feel like I could manage the rest of the way around tesco without abandoning them! Mine are big teenagers now and that ladies kindness still stays with me and has made me pass it on now whenever I see someone struggling.

It does get better, it's nothing you are doing wrong, it's just little ones being little ones, the vast majority of people understand that

Sorry I know its not funny, but it really made me laugh, I’d forgotten my oldest used to do this too!
She would say ‘hep meeeeee’ SO loudly. Little turd, 😂

Same experience when mine were toddlers, they both fight in the trolley, all the stares and disapproval looks from others. I still remember how awful I felt. I stopped taking them to supermarkets, I either shopped alone when DH looked after them or online. That was 15 years ago now.

Online shopping was my life saver in those days and leaving one child behind at home with dh. Just switch to online deliveries if you can but I appreciate that it's not always possible to do this and leave a kid at home.

My little boy is 3 and I loathe taking him food shopping. It’s worse now he doesn’t fit in the trolley seat properly. He has always hated the supermarket, we’ve both cried many tears in there. Bumped in to my lovely neighbour the other week mid meltdown and she just scooped him up and had a little word. Lo and behold he listened for at least 15 minutes after that and held my hand 🤣.

It’s awful. Wouldn’t even attempt it with two. Only consolation is that EVERY other parent in there is having an equally miserable time. We did a full food shop on Sunday and had to go buy chicken yesterday because I spent half my time chasing the little monkey around the shop 🙃

I had some hideous experiences with my two when they were small, but luckily I didn’t get any judgemental
comments (that I heard anyway!). It happens and like you say, you had to buy food. Please t try not to take it to heart. The majority of people would have been sympathetic and not judgemental. I always feel for parents in these situations, remembering how tired and burnt out I was at that stage, just trying to get the essentials done. It will pass.

An old man told my son to shut up in Asda a few weeks ago. The rage I felt was unrivalled. I very loudly said “Oh dear, that man is having big feelings too because he doesn’t like loud noises and he isn’t using his words very well. Come on darling, you’re still learning. Seems there’s no hope for some people” . Glared at him the whole time. My mum was in tears laughing at me because I’m usually fairly placid. I wanted to punch him in the throat, but couldn’t after telling my kid to have kind hands and not hit me because Asda changed the shape of their snacking cheese 🤣

If I could give one word to define motherhood it would be: resilience.

Others may not know what you are going through but you have to be strong, if not for yourself but for your kids. As bad as this situation sounds it will only make you stronger as a mom so it's a learning curve, don't fret it.

My son was always a handful when we went food shopping. One time, when he was about 2/3, he kept running off and being a complete nuisance in a packed Asda. So I grabbed the hood of his jacket mid run but he carried on running on the spot. I lost my grip so he went flying and face planted the aisle - boy did he scream Asda’s down! Everyone seemed to just stop and stare. I still shudder now but equally I find it hilarious.

Big hugs OP - stick to online shops for the time being!

DS was the same when he was 2. Massive meltdowns in shops. Lying on the floor yelling etc. I thought it was quite funny.
Surely people know that 2 year olds do this by now? My nephew is starting this at the moment.

This- I’d say similar - ‘Well I have tried that, obviously, and all the other things - but please go ahead as you add such an expert and while you’re at it - here’s my list of shopping to get at the same time and and I’ll just go over there and have a cup of tea and time you and mark you and the children out of ten and make judgy snide comments to other people’ or similar but I grew a backbone after a number of years.

But you are absolutely within your rights to order online. If you having a bad day - this will pass but they will be in nursery or school within a few years - but that’s not much comfort right now I know.

Big hug 🤗 we’ve all been there and shame on those that makes comments to a mum on her own with two screaming young kids.

You sound like you were doing a great job, we can't smooth out every single thing for our children. You were kind and you offered some things to help her. Bet that old bag would be the first one to judge you if you gave her a packet of sweets or a tablet to keep her quiet.