To never leave the house ever again

[Dodosareextinct]

Had the worst experience shopping today...took my 1 and 2 year olds food shopping. Both fell asleep in the car, which is great as they're usually happy when they wake up. Anyway, 2yo started screaming as soon as I put her in the pram. She continued screaming, despite my best efforts to correct and redirect, talk in a soothing voice, ask if she wanted to help with shopping, asking if she wanted a cuddle, to sit in trolley instead of pram, if she wanted pram snacks, to watch something on my phone etc, everything I could think of to calm her down. Everything I said was met with screams and hitting out at me. So I decided to continue with shopping as we need food. Everyone was staring me and stopped what they were doing and a lady came up to me and said "your poor child, why aren't you picking her up" and looked at me like I was something she'd stood in.
I literally burst into tears, left my shopping mid-aisle and went back to the car. Put kids back in and drove home.
This keeps happening with older toddler and I understand it's her age but it's every single time we leave the house. So much so that I never want to leave the house ever again!

Bless you, I remember having occasions like this when mine were young, they are now 17 and 14. Cannot believe how judgemental people can be, but think once you're out of that zone you do forget, I would never say anything to another Mum in a million years though, other than smiling sympathetically and maybe offering help. I recommend Iceland for online shopping, they don't charge for delivery if you spend over £40, although they do whack £1.50 on for carrier bags.

I suggest online shopping! My DD was a nightmare as a toddler, she is still a high maintenance child. Online shopping makes it all simpler and less stressful for all. And yes it is a phase and will get better. Deep breath and continue. My DD also hated all toddler classes, I stopped as she didn’t enjoy it and it was a colossal waste of time and money if she wasn’t even engaging or enjoying it.

I tend to look at parents with screaming kids with pity knowing full well this could be me next shopping trip. Tell the old witch to flog offand do one.

other things are potentially as mentioned online shopping, shopping without children (or the misbehaving one).

with regards to punishment i just had a bad bank holiday where “no” was her favourite word, she lost the tv, music and almost lost access to her play room, its difficult but you need to find what works for you.

Was she Mary Poppins? I'd love to have bumped into Mary Poppins when one of mine was having a tantrum, he did it for all 4 of them so the other 3 didn't bother.

@HampdenRadius

Who are these random fuckers who stick their oar into every situation? It’s true what they say, opinions are like arseholes, everyone has one and they all stink.

This. I do wish random people who know nothing about your situation, or you, would reel their necks in. It's fucking hard enough parenting little children anyway, let alone having to contend with unhelpful interjections and accusatory statements whilst you're attempting to food shop.

I had an AWFUL experience with one of my sons once trying to get him out of playgroup and back to the car. He was about 3 at the time. He lost his shit because he wanted to take a pushalong car home and when he realised we had to leave it there he just went apocalyptic - screeched, threw himself on the floor, thrashed his arms around, arched his back. Everyone was looking. It was dreadful. I couldn't get him in the buggy - he kicked and hit and bit me. I couldn't even get the straps around him. I had to put him on my shoulders and try and get him to the car that way. En route he was hollering and tearing my hair, and shouting "help me! Help MEEEEEE!!!" People were stopping in the street to stare. It must have looked as though I was abducting a child. I honestly can't remember how I got him in the car. He grabbed my glasses and threw them on the floor. I got home and burst into tears - ironically he was happy at that point and quite chilled out. But I looked like i'd been dragged through a hedge backwards.

I've had some tough times with 2 and 3 year olds - we all have. You are not alone!!!

I'm so sorry you had a bad day.
I had a similar experience when my oldest were 2 and 3- I made the mistake of popping into a shop with them without a pram, when I was a few weeks pregnant and not feeling good- they were running about, not listening and an old woman followed me about tutting then said to her friend those children need a good slap. I managed to get through the till almost crying then sat in my car crying outside until some lovely person came over to see if I was ok. There's absolutely no need for people to be horrible like that!

I don't really take my 3 shopping myself now, it's too much hard work but it's normal for kids to get upset and bored shopping, don't worry about it- they're only babies.

I think you were being a bit baity, weren't you? OP asked her daughter if she wanted to "help" with the shopping. She didn't make her do the shopping. It's just one of those things that you do to try to distract your kid. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I don't think someone who's come home from shopping in tears because of a judgy stranger needs judgy comments. I'm sorry if I misread what you were saying.

My kids are not even close to this difficult in a shop and I still mostly refuse to drag them both around. I might do it with one, but I just do click and collect most of the time. Don't do it. Shops are hard for kids and that makes it hard for us!

This is why I love online shopping.
My dd is 18 not but severely autistic so shopping is near impossible, she was actually ok when younger (her sister was awful), as she got older it got harder as more people would stare and comment. If you can avoid taking the kids shopping then I would, I know it’s not easy as we all run out of things before the big shop comes but you can get most things in a smaller shop and can be in and out pretty quickly.

Do a little search of this poster: it’s incredible. Her toddlers are doing apprenticeships, being home schooled, she gave birth to twins at home who bizarrely still stayed several days in hospital and rents a four bed house for less than £400 a month. It’s remarkable. One might even say made up.

kids at this age are RELENTLESS and its exhausting, when on a 9 hr plane journey we were grounded on the runway prior to take off and a woman next to us said 'I'm not listening to this for 9 hours' all whilst tutting and huffing and puffing (as if we were enjoying oursleves) I was about to have a mental breakdown, my partner said to her she's so great at parenting why doesn't she take over.. she soon shut up (and asked to be moved - cabin crew refused - she had been rude to them too off the bat) - some people are just plain rude. Although it feels never ending at this point, It doesn't last forever, you've got this mama x

I have to admit though my normally fairly nice three year old used to be FOUL when woken up from a nap and still is if he falls asleep in the day (he doesn’t habitually nap now but if we’re on a car journey he may nod off.)

I don’t know what it is but he’s horrible 😂

DD did something similar in a supermarket aged between 2 and 3. Terrible twos, basically. I left her screaming on the floor and walked behind a shelf unit where I could see her but she could not see me. She stopped screaming within minutes and I went and picked her up. No-one told me off for being cruel, or acting in a dangerous manner by being out of sight (she was not out of my sight btw, this was the 80s and child abduction was big news, so everyone was ultra careful). Other people's opinion of your parenting are theirs. Ignore them if they have nothing useful to say, or grin and reply 'terrible twos, eh?' and just keep on doing whatever you are doing. Please don't lock yourself in the house over this, nor beat yourself over the head. It passes. You can embarrass your DCs about it when they are older (I remind DD frequently - she replies: 'was that when you said you'd send me back to the Co-op and get a new DD?').

I know how your feeling, my 20 month old is testing the waters big time with the tantrums and lashing out and in that moment you want the ground to swallow you up! It was definitely not you or your child but the woman who decided to pipe up, my daughter gets worse if you keep trying to interact with her or give her things so I leave her be till she calms herself. Some people might not agree with it but it works for us. Excuse my language but fuck whatever these judgemental arseholes think, it is not their child and if they are such experts then feel free to lend a helping hand lol !

I don't think op is on board with the online shopping idea

I had this at a story session at the library recently. Other parents telling me to deal with my child as she was screaming. I did attempt to but when she gets like that and approaching her makes her scream and kick then it's safer for me and the baby to move away. So I made sure she was safe and left her to get it out of her system away from everyone else. A few minutes later she came over to us, asked for a cuddle and we read a story together like nothing had happened. But I had to endure at least 4 parents/grandparents criticising my parenting.

No advice, but just solidarity. My two year old is… challenging at times too. People should keep their opinions to themselves. 💜

I would have similar when mine were all young (I had 3 under 3.5), my oldest was a NIGHTMARE screamer so I would often just order online groceries and I was all but a recluse the first few years, only went to the shops if I had to but I must say where I live there are some really lovely understanding people who I was only met with with kindness when they saw me about to cry at the stress of it all, got some wonderful older ladies offering some help holding the trolley etc, I'm very lucky to live in such a chilled out area of the UK (having previously lived in counties where you were met with disdain if your child so dared as even make a noise in their hallowed almighty presence)

Dear Dodosareextinct, please don't worry. Completely and utterly understand how you feel, have been there and only just coming out of the phase...and it is indeed, just a phase, promise. You can and will do it. Some days are hard but you'll manage, remember to reward yourself every day! Also do whatever you need to make your day easier...maybe try a home delivery or could someone watch them both while you pop out for an hour to do it. This is what I had to do a lot. Been there with the whole 'kind hands' things too - sometimes it doesn't matter how many times you tell them, it still happens. I cant tell you how much I relate to your post. It's a phase, promise. They won't be doing it when they're 15.
As for the horrendously rude woman who had the audacity to come up to you and make a stupid remark....shame on her! Appalling, had I been in the supermarket and overheard this I would have put her in her place for you! Some people are so lacking in emotional and social intelligence it's astounding, she was indeed one of those! Ignore...tomorrow is a new day! You can do it! Sending a hug!

We've all been there. The older woman has probably forgotten what it's like having young kids. Assholes making rude comments is unfortunately quite common you have to have a thick skin about it and not let them ruin your day xx

I'd have asked her why doesn't she mind her own business!
Never let anyone make you feel bad over things your children do.
I would take them shopping when you don't need it tho and when they're not tired. Worth a try

Yep, after an unsuccessful supermarket shop (abandoned trolley half full), I started getting groceries delivered and still do!

That's so mad!! There was a thread on FB recently about creches in supermarkets! Our local one was Superquinn & I was never left in it & I used to feel so deprived 😆Looking back I think they were a fantastic idea

The woman was wrong commenting but using that level of MN language in front of your children isn't a good idea, irrespective of how much better it makes you feel.

People are wary about offering help for fear of responses along these lines and being told to mind their own business, insert your choice of adjectives.

Bless you OP it's utterly relentless and exhausting at times. That woman was judgmental and unkind. She saw a snapshot of your life and decided to demonise and embarrass you on the basis of it. Shopping is stressful at times. Toddlers are definately stressful and two toddlers plus shopping is an activity only carried out by the very best of us - I had my two six years apart and still sometimes struggled. I look at mums with young screaming children and just want to give them a hug.

If it helps to raise a smile - when DD was 3 maybe 4 she was really playing up in a supermarket. I was desperately trying to keep my temper but finally she pressed me too far and I lost it - she was just behind me, I grabbed her by the hand and snarled through gritted teeth "that's it we're going home right now" A lady said "excuse me" and when I turned round it wasn't DD's hand I'd grabbed but the hand of a very respectable lady in probably her mid to late 30s. DD was laughing on the other side of the aisle. Thankfully lady was lovely and thought it was funny but I could't go back to the supermarket for months