To never leave the house ever again

[Dodosareextinct]

Had the worst experience shopping today...took my 1 and 2 year olds food shopping. Both fell asleep in the car, which is great as they're usually happy when they wake up. Anyway, 2yo started screaming as soon as I put her in the pram. She continued screaming, despite my best efforts to correct and redirect, talk in a soothing voice, ask if she wanted to help with shopping, asking if she wanted a cuddle, to sit in trolley instead of pram, if she wanted pram snacks, to watch something on my phone etc, everything I could think of to calm her down. Everything I said was met with screams and hitting out at me. So I decided to continue with shopping as we need food. Everyone was staring me and stopped what they were doing and a lady came up to me and said "your poor child, why aren't you picking her up" and looked at me like I was something she'd stood in.
I literally burst into tears, left my shopping mid-aisle and went back to the car. Put kids back in and drove home.
This keeps happening with older toddler and I understand it's her age but it's every single time we leave the house. So much so that I never want to leave the house ever again!

The idea that 3 under 3’s walk round nicely knowing what not to touch is obviously made up in itself

OP we’ve all been to that place, hang on in there whatever people say parenting is much easier when they’re older.

It can be very very stressful. I totally sympathise.
DD favourite was full on tantrum in store entrances, laying on floor kicking and screaming. The amount of times I put my back out trying to extract her from these situations. Always a snide comment or two from members of the public. The most prevalent one being a loud tut. Nothing makes my blood boil like a tut. DS isn't quite out of this phase yet, it's getting gradually better. He's the hardest out of all my children. Whisking him out of the supermarket mid tantrum looks like an abduction. He also does a ruler impression, arms straight above his head, so I can't grab him. Awkward little fucker. This too shall pass.

I would have done the same 11 years ago.
People can be very judgemental and it's hard when you're already having a tough time of it.

Now however, I with a 13 year old who still has the developmental age of a two year old, I no longer let it get to me.
I would just give one of my hard stares to anyone who doesn't take the time to understand, and carry on as best I can.

“Oh my god I never thought of that, do you think it’d help?” I think would have been my response. Guarantee she was 50+. That generation in my experience tend towards the harsher end of judgemental. They raised kids in the 80s and early 90s when compassionate parenting was abnormal.

She wasn't asking for help so I doubt she cares.

I remember those times. I especially remember when DH and I were shopping in Tescos with our three - aged about 18 months, 3, and 5. Two youngest were having a tantrum at the same time and DH picked each up, both screaming and wriggling, one under each arm and marched out, watched by several shoppers. Leaving me with 5-year-old. That's going back about 30 years - I'm an oldie. All well rounded adults now.

I'm 51 with an 11 year old.

I can assure you I don't go around judging harassed mums in supermarkets.

And neither do my older friends (who have grandkids' tantrums to enjoy).

This is an arse thing not an age thing.

Been there

Stick with delivery

Oh this is so normal just do what you are doing BUT ignore everyone else. Most have been there and are simply thinking. ' i remember this' or 'glad thats not me.' This 'phase' will pass!

Honestly ours have been like this! 🤣it does get easier I promise. Mines 3 and she’s so much better now

Perhaps I am just old fashioned. When my children were pre-school, I would tell them how much money there was to pay for shopping, and if there was any money left over, and they behaved themselves and didn't moan for sweets, they could choose a book for themselves. Every Friday shopping ended with their choosing a book in the book store. They went to school at four, able to read.

It passes, feels like this stage goes on forever but it doesn’t. When my eldest was 2 my husband basically had to carry him out of Asda like a rolled up carpet. We had just paid for our shopping and we stupidly picked the till furthest away from the door!! We did the walk of shame, got tutted at by a lady who told us we were cruel for manhandling our child and no wonder he was screaming. I’d lost the plot by this point as my son’s mood had been a thing since he woke up. I told her to poke off with a bit of tone to which she recoiled at in horror. After bending him into his car seat, swerving his swipes and enduring his screams all the way home, we just wanted to throw him in the bin. Thankfully we decided to throw him in his bed and not the bin and he had a long nap. Woke up like a different child! He also peed in the crisp aisle a few months later whilst we were potty training. The second one was a breeze compared to his brother, hang in there! All this stuff makes for a great story in future years but keep taking them places and giving them experiences and learn expectations. They didn’t come with a rule book so we can only do our best and you sounded like you were giving it your all.

Why would that be ‘old fashioned’? Do you think modern parents don’t choose and read books with their children? But I know when my DS has a mood like that there isn’t anything you can do apart from wait for it to pass.

Can you have your groceries delivered? It seems a really hard thing to do yourself with 2 little ones.

I think most parents have been there. My DC are all grown up now (no online shopping back then) but we still talk about the time my DS (4) wanted something and I wouldn't let him have it. So in retaliation, he managed, somehow, to swing the shopping trolley full of food and his baby sibling (13 months) and tipped the whole thing over. I was ready to kill him. The shop assistants were amazing. I remember the comment, 'Let's take you over here before mummy rips your head off!' We all laugh about it now. It does get better and most parents do understand.

Oh I remember this happening to me! I had to get me and my then 2 year old home from soft play. He literally screamed the place down, everyone was looking at us. I tried to talk to him but was in his full throttle screaming, so I may have been better just talking to the wall. It made not a jot of difference. I had to pick him up and hold him across me to avoid the crazily kicking legs and little fists…. as he continued screaming his little head off. I just felt totally defeated, mortified, fearing judgement and felt tears welling up in my eyes. If someone had been mean to me in the moment, I would have just lost it with them.
So you’re not alone and well done for holding it together. It’ll get better x

I was ready to walk out of Lidl when my two were fighting over which part of the trolley to hold.
I told them I was going then a lady came up to us and very gently reminded them they had to behave for mummy
We did the rest of the shopping in silence! Bliss😀

They are 16 and nearly 18 now, I still remind them of it!

I once pretended to be the babysitter, when my daughter threw a tantrum in the supermarket 😂 it didn't stop my daughter having a tantrum, but it stopped people staring,as I exclaimed I'd never babysit her again!

They do grow out of it seriously OP. Now daughter is 23 yrs old and finds screaming children annoying but would never say anything to parents

Oi I'm 56 and that's tosh. Most people I know around my age are fantastic parents. You see horrible parenting nowadays. And awful grandparents. It's a people thing not a decade thing.
My mum was soft as muck. As was hers.

Ds2, as I said in a previous post, would have tested anyone's patience. But it passed. Just hard whilst it's happening.

Guarantee she was 50+. That generation in my experience tend towards the harsher end of judgemental. They raised kids in the 80s and early 90s when compassionate parenting was abnormal

Someone who is 50 was 14 in 1990 🤣🤷🏻‍♀️

It was my friend’s 50th last week and her first child was born in 2009.

Perhaps I am just old fashioned. When my children were pre-school, I would tell them how much money there was to pay for shopping, and if there was any money left over, and they behaved themselves and didn't moan for sweets, they could choose a book for themselves. Every Friday shopping ended with their choosing a book in the book store. They went to school at four, able to read.

You aren’t old fashioned, you just have a convenient memory 👍🏻

She won't be 2 forever. Trust your parenting instincts.

You might try involving your 2 year old in the shop, instead of distracting her. Get her to say the names of vegetables, pick things off a shelf, etc. and praise her cleverness. Reward her by taking her to where you buy her favourite pram snacks at the end of the shop.

I'm assuming at age 2 you're putting her in a pram with the youngest, because that's the easiest way to transport both of them together?

Could you instead try putting the car seat for 1 year old in a shopping trolly and get the 2 year old to sit in the child seat part of trolly?

If all else fails, get dad to do the shopping or babysit until this stage passes.

I feel your pain, I stick to having my shopping delivered now and I don’t know why I didnt do it years ago, makes my life so much easier. Please try not to let other people get to you though.

I really feel for you, it's so exhausting at that age, especially if you have a younger one too. My oldest is in his forties but I vividly remember him taking stuff off the shelves in the supermarket and when told off he lay down on the floor and screamed and screamed, kicking out and flailing his arms around. No point me saying anything as he couldn't hear so I picked him up and held him under one arm so he couldn't kick me and went to the checkout. A lady behind me was very sympathetic which nearly made me cry, I was so upset. I walked to the car with him still under my arm, he'd struggled so much he was virtually upside down when I got there, but he'd stopped screaming and then calmed down. In future I just had to pick him up and stick him under one arm and he would calm down much more quickly. He obviously knew I wasn't going to back down or bribe or cajole, or put him down until he was quiet. Obviously it doesn't work for everyone, I didn't try it as a way of quietening him, I just needed to get out of there!