To never leave the house ever again

[Dodosareextinct]

Had the worst experience shopping today...took my 1 and 2 year olds food shopping. Both fell asleep in the car, which is great as they're usually happy when they wake up. Anyway, 2yo started screaming as soon as I put her in the pram. She continued screaming, despite my best efforts to correct and redirect, talk in a soothing voice, ask if she wanted to help with shopping, asking if she wanted a cuddle, to sit in trolley instead of pram, if she wanted pram snacks, to watch something on my phone etc, everything I could think of to calm her down. Everything I said was met with screams and hitting out at me. So I decided to continue with shopping as we need food. Everyone was staring me and stopped what they were doing and a lady came up to me and said "your poor child, why aren't you picking her up" and looked at me like I was something she'd stood in.
I literally burst into tears, left my shopping mid-aisle and went back to the car. Put kids back in and drove home.
This keeps happening with older toddler and I understand it's her age but it's every single time we leave the house. So much so that I never want to leave the house ever again!

I work in a supermarket and last week we had the loudest toddler ever having a meltdown. She wanted a lolly ! Her mum was very firm and held her nerve . All the mums in the queue had nothing but empathy for her having been there themselves. Don’t worry OP . It’s a stage that will pass .

From what you’ve described it sounds more like a meltdown than a tantrum. One of mine used to just get overwhelmed and turn into a little ball of rage but couldn’t bring herself out of it. She needed silence, a quiet space and sometimes to be held tightly/others to just be left alone. Talking was the absolute worst thing as it was just more stimulation. I wouldn’t have entered the supermarket at the point she started screaming- you were setting yourself up to fail really as once they’re in that sort of state you can’t then easily get them out of it.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Online shopping is your friend here. I don’t think I ever took both of mine for a big shop together. I’d still avoid it now they’re older tbh.

I refuse to take both of mine out on my own (2 and 0) together unless it’s for a toddler focused activity. Otherwise it’s horrendous.

I generally do food shopping alone, there was one time I there an a mum was in a similar situation to you, I offered to help her and I did her shopping whilst she went to the play area outside and came back 30 mins later so all she had to do was pay. Sometimes we need our village even if the village is a stranger.

ignore the awful judgey woman, you know you were doing your best

Ah OP I wish you’d been in my supermarket, when I see a mum like you I always try to give a sympathetic look and an understanding word. I remember it well, it’s really tough. I gave up and went for online shopping.

Things will get better, just cling onto that - nothing lasts forever

I had 2 sons with a 17 month age gap ( now 30 and 31) I now do childcare every Monday for my 2 grandsons with a 22 month gap. They are currently just turned 2 and 4 months. When it's good it's absolutely wonderful. When it's bad it's the most utterly knackering thing I've ever done in my life and I only do one day 7-5 then they go home ( and I fall asleep in front of Pointless). It is easy ,as a 58 year old, to forget how hard the baby/ toddler years are and how absolutely relentless it feels. Keep going. You will get through it. It's worth it in the end but sometimes you absolutely wonder why the hell you ever thought it was a good idea. Other people should just think " Does that woman really need a comment from me . No I don't think she does " and then just carry on with their lives. Try to ignore the ones who just can't.

Reminds me of a time I saw a lady with a little one in a pram in a pharmacy having the full screaming abdabs. I felt for her, she was clearly trying everything and just had to crack on and leave as quick as possible as best she could.

Some interfering bint did similar, shoehorned herself in giving it "poor baby! She just needs a cuddle why are you ignoring her!", leaned over to coo at toddler because obviously she's such a child expert she'll clearly be able to solve the meltdown, toddler promptly projectile vomited straight at her like a fire hydrant. Karmic justice at it's finest.

If only there was always a reserve of pressurised toddler puke to keep these interfering idiots at bay.

Hang in there OP, it doesn't last forever and you're doing great!

I used to drive miles out of my way to take my tantrum prone son to a supermarket with a crech as used to hate taking him to supermarkets so much. Not much help to you as they seem to have largely disappeared. More just to say - I understand. Taking young children to supermarkets can be hell and judgemental looks really don’t help.
I promise you it will pass.

Also I still remember over 20 years ago my son was having a noisy meltdown in a supermarket and I was ignoring him.

An elderly woman came over to me and I thought “ here we go, incoming busybody” but she was so kind. She reassured me I was doing the right thing and said “we’ve all been there”. Some people are so nice, others not so much 🤷🏼‍♀️

Ageism much?

Online delivery will save your sanity. Or go shopping while they are at nursery.

Its exhausting.
Is it just happening when shopping or using the car? Is it any occasion when you need to get somewhere (on time) or run an errand? Or is it really any occasion when you get out of the house, including ie a walk, playground, park? Or is it when you need them to stop doing whatever they are doing and leave or change activity?

Oh, don't be obtuse

You're more restrained than me. My DD did similar when she was about 18 months and in the end I decided to carry on shopping. A couple told me I should be paying attention to my child who was so distressed and not ignoring her.
I was seven months pregnant, tired and hormonal so I said very quietly that if they thought they could do a better job at 7 months pregnant and on 4 hours sleep they were very welcome to try.
They looked embarrassed and fucked off. People are so rude sometimes. I'm on my third child now (and we're going shopping soon!) and have learned to ignore these people. Must have very sad lives if they have to comment on yours.
As others have said it does pass my eldest has just left the house for her first day of work. She's nothing like that tantruming 18 month old (that's her 3 year old brothers job now) and you will either laugh about it one day or totally forgot about it.

@CarterBeatsTheDevil How am I being obtuse?! I'm asking a question ffs. If OP is involving the kids in shopping when they don't want to, then I'm not surprised they're screaming

echoing others,

• two word instructions like “no hitting” or “no pushing” work best for 2 year olds.
• if they are kicking up a fuss in the car park, don’t carry on just go home. When ours were little one of us would stay home while the other did the weekly shop. Top ups were on the way home from work. It wasn’t worth it to us to get our own way as it would stress all of us out.
• i know she is only 2, but if meltdowns and pushing/hitting persists to age 4-5, then ask for an autism asssessment
• home deliveries are a boon. If you can afford them, go for it.

Online food shopping for a bit I think! (I used to send DH. By himself).

There is a wonderful book we had around this age. It really cheered me up. It's called 'My Big Shouting Day'.

Unlike the horrible person in the supermarket, the author really gets it!

She might be starting to outgrow redirecting - this is really a younger baby/toddler strategy. At 2-3 they start to get a stronger sense of their own wants and will start to persevere with what they want/ignore the redirection, and you need firmer consequences to head off misbehaviour - time outs etc.

Were they due a nap at that time? Had they had a decent length nap? Sometimes you get better/calmer behaviour from children this age if you stick to a nap schedule (eg at home in bed). If mine catnapped 20 mins on the way somewhere then woke, they would have been angry and tantrummy for as long as their body wanted to be asleep- often another hour or more.

I can remember coming home with my then 2 year old feeling wrung out and almost demented, vowing never to go to town ever again. It feels relentless when we are going through it but it does pass. Ignore the people who feel it is their place to offer unasked advice, a sympathetic word or just an understanding smile is all I have ever offered to someone wrestling with a raging toddler.

I would be concerned tbh as to why this reaction. I take our 3 toddlers under 3 out shopping etc and have no problems like this and I don't use a pram they all walk with me and know not to touch things unless I ask for something off a shelf. They know there's a time to play around and a time to behave

Online food shops! My 2 yr old loves a supermarket visit for about 5 mins then gets very disruptive, no way I’d try to do a whole shop. It’s not you, it’s just a phase. Does she go to nursery?

Well lucky you that your children are so well behaved! I’ve only got one and no way she’d do this . Don’t be another sanctimonious prick

I’ve been there, I think most parents have! I’ve also had the strangers (always women!) giving their opinion which they should know better than to give! I once had a woman come up and say ‘it won’t last forever’ which was a truly kind thing to say and I’ll never forget it. It’s true though, you’re doing your best, ignore the twats x

@StarsBeneathMyFeet is right. I think all of us who haven't got this problem should go out of our way to be helpful. I saw a little one like this in the supermarket last week, he did a sit down protest in the middle of a busy aisle and mum walked off, maybe thinking he'd follow or maybe to just get a bit of distance. I squeezed past him and said, "Hello are you having a nice rest." He folded his arms and glowered at me and I laughed, looked down the aisle at his mum and smiled and she smiled back. Got level with her and said, "He's beautiful." She agreed but said he was difficult and I said not to worry that's how they are at that age. We separated still smiling and I hope a friendly word made her feel just a little bit better.

If we all just smiled and said something friendly I think it would help mums like the OP so much.

Aren't you lucky, although I'm sure they will test you at some point so maybe the OP is better off getting it out of the way now.

Oh yes I loved the supermarket creche and so did my kids. Ours was Safeway and they once saved me when I was absolutely at the end of my tether, I went to book them in and said, "Don't say you're full, just don't say it." When I went back 90 minutes later after a wander round the shop and a coffee and cake in the cafe they looked a bit worried about handing them back to me but I did convince them the red mist had gone.