To never leave the house ever again

[Dodosareextinct]

Had the worst experience shopping today...took my 1 and 2 year olds food shopping. Both fell asleep in the car, which is great as they're usually happy when they wake up. Anyway, 2yo started screaming as soon as I put her in the pram. She continued screaming, despite my best efforts to correct and redirect, talk in a soothing voice, ask if she wanted to help with shopping, asking if she wanted a cuddle, to sit in trolley instead of pram, if she wanted pram snacks, to watch something on my phone etc, everything I could think of to calm her down. Everything I said was met with screams and hitting out at me. So I decided to continue with shopping as we need food. Everyone was staring me and stopped what they were doing and a lady came up to me and said "your poor child, why aren't you picking her up" and looked at me like I was something she'd stood in.
I literally burst into tears, left my shopping mid-aisle and went back to the car. Put kids back in and drove home.
This keeps happening with older toddler and I understand it's her age but it's every single time we leave the house. So much so that I never want to leave the house ever again!

Toddler age is horrible, my youngest is 6 and SEND and frequently still does this. The last interfering dick nearly got punched after getting in her face and telling her the staff were going to make her leave uf she didn't stop screaming. She was in full meltdown and it made her worse.
Unfortunately some toddlers do hit and push, only advice I have is don't bother explaining kind hands or why it's unkind as a 2 year old simply isn't able to listen or comprehend it, just simple 1 or 2 word phases like 'stop' said firmly. I work with SEND kids (my darlings at work are mostly like big toddlers) and used to be a nursery nurse and that is the best way to get through. Apologies if thsts what you are doing already, often toddlers are just shits at times. Xxx

Maybe you need to be a bit firmer.

Just suck up the delivery charge and get the supermarket shopping delivered, or if you have a DP get them to do it on the way home from work, or go after the kids are in bed whilst he stays at home with them, and save yourself this pain. Doing a weekly grocery shop with 2 under 2 in tow, big no thank you, and it'll only get worse over the next couple of years when you add demands for items and potty training into the mix.

I'm another one who just stopped going to the super market. Tesco do an online delivery subscription for something like £6.99 a month for unlimited deliveries. If we ran out of bread or milk I'd wait for dp to get home and one of us would pop out then.

With play groups etc, I used to take them straight home if they did anything like that. It seemed to do the trick, we only had to leave early once or twice. Its true what everyone says, it gets easier.

I hear you OP. They judgement i get when out with my disabled son and toddler is noticeable. I get my food shop delivered and it's a life saver.

What I will say is when I see another mother struggling I feel nothing but compassion and I worry if she spots me looking she is feeling judged. I think lots of times people are not judging like we fear. Although obviously this cowbag was judging as she spoke to you but i bet you had more sympathetic looks and thoughts that you missed because you were dealing with such a challenging task xx

I wish there were food deliveries when my DC were young, it would have been less stressful and cheaper, as I seemed to spend half the time in the toy aisle.

I bet it was an older lady as well? Notice it’s always older people, particularly women, who make these comments. Why is that?

Nice bit of ageism there. I’m 63 and would never make a nasty comment to an anyone wrangling a tantruming child. None of my friends, who are in the main, older than me would either. Most of us probably wouldn’t notice anyhow, as we wouldn’t hear anyone else’s kid, above the racket of our tantruming grandchildren.

“If you’re so effing perfect, why aren’t you offering to help? Arsehole!” Is the correct response in this case…

I always feel huge sympathy for anyone struggling with toddlers and always want to offer to help whether its pushing the trolley or distracting the child but am terrified of getting a mouthful of abuse or making matters worse if I offer!!

Yes been there too. When my DD was 3 she had a full on meltdown in Waitrose. I couldn't get her back in the buggy and she was screaming so loudly. Next thing I know a man comes up to me (couldn't see who it was as I was bending over). I thought no I don't need your help then looked up and it was my DH! He had gone into the supermarket and heard this awful sound - thinking what a nightmare child then turned the corner and saw us!!!

He then whisked our child home and left me to it.

When I look back there weren't that many outbursts and before you know it they're at nursery then school and you can shop in peace!

Ive been through this i remember them days very well.
Pleased its all over now.
I dont judge anyone when i see it happen i always think ouch been there and shes doing the best she can.
Take no notice of what others think some have forgotten what its like.

Can’t be doing with busy bodies! Fortunately for me I don’t give a shit what people think.
I must get it from my mum. She was out with DSis and DN. DN is ASD (we didn’t know at the time)and had an almighty meltdown in a shop when she was about 3. Lying on the floor, arms and legs going and screaming. A woman said to DM that child needs a slap!! DM replied would you like a slap?
Obviously we now know it was total sensory overload for DN. she’s 16 now and still won’t go in a supermarket

Perhaps because 'gentle' parenting wasn't a thing in their day
And they were not afraid to tell their child off, rather than trying to reason with them

That’s fair enough and they can have an opinion but they should keep it to themselves

At the weekend, leave the kids with their dad and do a leisurely two hour food shop, with a coffee break.

Shopping gets done, kids get some one-on-one time with dad, everyone wins 😊

I feel for you, OP. My DB was such a little shit in shops that for over a year, my DM could only shop on a Saturday when DF was home to look after him.

There was no internet or late night shopping in the 60s, she didn't drive and had to lug it all back on the bus.

Don't take any notice of the disapproving tutters, they've obviously no idea how vexing and irrational toddlers can be.

I remember abandoning my (nearly) full trolley in the supermarket PLENTY of times.

I remember chasing kids round supermarkets and diving in and under clothes rails whilst shopping and both of us ending up on the floor!

I remember wanting to just never take the kids out again!

We've all been there, don't worry. It will pass!

That woman was ridiculous.

We’ve all been there. I once had to rugby tackle my toddler and carry him out of Tesco under my arm like I was carrying a roll of carpet whilst he screamed his lungs out!!!
I was crying with rage and embarrassment as well.

As for the ‘kind hands’ bollocks… I gave up and ended up being a lot more assertive with my kids. It made me cringe seeing other mums trying it as well.
A short, sharp ‘No!’ worked a treat.

My kids are ace now and happily help with shopping etc.

it will be ok. Hang in there x

I remember a friend who was a health visitor in sobs of humiliation after a particular supermarket visit. It happens to everyone. And toddlers can be nightmarish if they wake up prematurely. The best thing is to forget it. There is no need for embarrassment.

I had 2 under 2 as well. Once tried to go Christmas shopping with them both in the double buggy - I laugh now but it really wasn’t funny at the time, especially as they both pooed and needed a nappy change before we even made it into the shop!

On another occasion DD2 had a proper, rolling around on the floor tantrum near the till and got her welly stuck under someone else’s trolley.

Then there was the time we did all the shopping, got out, everyone in the car and DD1 told me her teddy was sitting on a shelf in the shop and could we go back and get him before we went home? Couldn’t remember which shelf she’d left him on so we had to search the supermarket, which the DDs actually found really fun.

All this was many years ago but I still always try to say something nice if I see a parent with a screaming child.

Oh God - such flashbacks...! DD was pretty chill but DS just hated the supermarket! I think it might have been the lighting but he'd be happy and sweet, walk into the supermarket and he'd be beside himself!

That said though, I remember for no reason at all, walking back from the library with DD and she started wailing and flailing as soon as we walked out the door. Absolutely nothing worked. That half mile walk home is etched into my memory forever...

Learn from your experiences. If she does this everytime and you think it is just a phase or an age thing then be organised and get your shopping delivered. If you needed essentials and have shops within walking distance, go there instead.

Re the classes just avoid till the kids are a little bit older or go with a friend or partner if you have one so each child can be supervised. I found free play classes easier when I had 2 under 2 as I could leave as and when I needed to without disturbing anyone else unlike in an organised activity or music class. They won't suffer if they aren't going to classes at this age.

You asked if your toddler wanted help with shopping? Huh

We've all been there. She should have said 'you poor mum, what can I do to help?'. Tesco orders for a while? Make life as easy for yourself as you can.