To never leave the house ever again

[Dodosareextinct]

Had the worst experience shopping today...took my 1 and 2 year olds food shopping. Both fell asleep in the car, which is great as they're usually happy when they wake up. Anyway, 2yo started screaming as soon as I put her in the pram. She continued screaming, despite my best efforts to correct and redirect, talk in a soothing voice, ask if she wanted to help with shopping, asking if she wanted a cuddle, to sit in trolley instead of pram, if she wanted pram snacks, to watch something on my phone etc, everything I could think of to calm her down. Everything I said was met with screams and hitting out at me. So I decided to continue with shopping as we need food. Everyone was staring me and stopped what they were doing and a lady came up to me and said "your poor child, why aren't you picking her up" and looked at me like I was something she'd stood in.
I literally burst into tears, left my shopping mid-aisle and went back to the car. Put kids back in and drove home.
This keeps happening with older toddler and I understand it's her age but it's every single time we leave the house. So much so that I never want to leave the house ever again!

Another vote for online shopping! I wish it had been a thing when mine were little.

However I'd probably do my main shop online but pop into the shop when they are in a good mood when I'm not rushing or under pressure. I'd then give the toddler a picture list and get them to treasure hunt the items on it for the basket. Quick visit and a reward at the end if they've stayed happy and engaged. Hopefully that might help break the tantrum cycle when they realise they can help, have attention and get a treat.

Mine didn't really have tantrums but my eldest would resist being put in a trolley seat and then find it funny to run up the Isle and hide. My daughter would sulk if I wouldn't get the the toy/sweet she wanted and refuse to move. I had to tuck her under my arm and leave the shop on more than one occasion.

This happened to me with my eldest. I dreaded going out. One day in the supermarket he lay on the floor and screamed. I was exhausted and just stood there. A woman muttered “ smack him” another said “ pick him up” I never smacked my children and picking him up was not an option kicking and screaming. An elder lady came, asked me what was the matter said she had nine children. I explained he wanted an iced bun and I had said no, I said if I got him one then it would start again for something else. She kneeled down and said “ Get up you are behaving like a naughty boy. Your poor mummy needs help shopping “ he stood up and never did it again. I was lucky this lady appeared and it worked, quite easily it could have made it worse. The point is, for every person who seems to judge there are many of us who have been their ourselves and have empathy if not a solution for you. It is a horrible stage but does pass. Mine was no bother as a teenager and is a lovely kind man. Hold on in, let anyone who offers help you. You will get through it. And a nice cup of tea when they have finally gone to sleep is the nicest thing ever. Good luck!

You just encountered a particularly judgy person op, I wouldn’t give them a second thought. Most people remember what it’s like to be in the thick of it. I don’t even think it’s anything to do with age either - my Nan will try to engage a stroppy toddler to help out and chat with the parent about those days (she had 3 girls under 4).
Let’s be honest, if we see a child having a tantrum, most of us are in sympathy with the parent or thanking our lucky stars it’s not our turn to wrangle the screaming ball of anger today. It will get easier op. Until then, online shopping and make things as easy as possible for yourself. But don’t hide away with the eldest, she’ll need the socialisation to learn sharing, being kind etc. Maybe see if someone can watch the little one so you can be 1-1 with the oldest.

I can add little. I went back to work when both my kids were 6months old and every possible thing that could be delivered to the house was. Total avoidance technique.
Going to the supermarket or corner shop was such a novelty for them I don't recall any meltdowns there at any rate. Plenty elsewhere, thankfully the park for the most part so the ignore, stand around and look bored technique does pay off eventually. But the stress levels of two kids going in separate directions was nuts. I had to resort to reins with my older daughter when we had the phase of running off and then hiding. I lost my mind with worry in a busy London playground with multiple exits.

It is bloody hard at that age though. Assuming that delivery isn't an option, where is your partner? Getting out to do anything solo was such a treat when they were little. I used to book a run to the tip for the ultimate feeling of freedom 😂

I did step in once in a supermarket. Man doing the shopping with his toddler, parked up next to the shelves perusing a list and oblivious to the toddler about to clear a shelf of baby food jars. He was a bit shocked when I moved the trolley so suddenly but thankfully twigged as the child's fingers missed by a hairs breath.

Remember, wherever you go there's some lentil weaving perfect parent judging you who is one conception away from walking in your shoes 😉

My DS used to go completely insane after his nap, wailing for a good hour. I had to accept that we did errands/outings in the morning, as trying to do anything after his sleep meant people thought I had abducted him.

I've been there many times and will always try to give a smile in support or make a light joke to mum about 'how we've all been there'

I was once in the supermarket when no1 started kicking off

I asked my mother to keep an eye on no2 while I took her outside

It ended with no1 over my shoulder,screaming 'help!help!this is not my mummy!I'm being kidnapped!'

Thank god we look so alike and the staff knew us as we'd been shopping at that tesco for years

I felt exactly the same-they do grow out of it

No1 is 27 now and we laugh about it (me through gritted teeth-i still feel funny when it comes up)

Oh god, OP. You get all the hugs here. I still die a little when I remember my two year old DS throwing the mother of all tantrums in the sandpit of a playground. This was in California so, I got a good dose of cringe, American style, when the parents stood around clapping, saying, "Way to go, mom! Good job!" because, after an eternity of sitting there, frozen, watching my child turn a shriek-rage-tantrum induced shade of purple, he stopped. Tantrum over. He survived. I survived, just about. I had a pulse. And I remember wanting to dig up wads of moist sand from the deeper realms of the pit and just chuck them at the condescending crew cheering me on (it felt like mockery... it wasn't, but it felt like it).

Nowadays I look back and think, what a bunch of nice folks. I'm originally from California and having raised all of my children in the UK, I do miss that kindness. There are no cheering squads in this land! I swiftly got used to the British Glare of Shame when my children melted down in public. I also got used to saying 'fuck off' when necessary (the great in Great Britain is the sweariness that gets you through the rough patches). Nothing like a good ol' fuck off to see you through (said to judgy adults, obviously, not my own children... although it is perfectly ok to think it sometimes with your kids, especially when you've been pelted endlessly with cold spaghetti followed by a Toddler Shriek chaser).

I'm still here. I lived. My King of Tantrums is now 22 years old.

You'll catch your breath. You'll be ok and above all, you'll survive, OP.
Big ol' syrupy hugs of support.

This sounds so stressful. Online shopping or click and collect is the way forward. Its only 50p or £1 at asda I think

Agree with this.

For the one person making a judgemental comment, please remember there are hundreds of others who feel nothing but sympathy for you and understand completely that 2 year olds are difficult!

Many of us have been there and we’re not judging you at all 😊

I’m more concerned about your toddlers impeccable behaviour and how you’re enforcing that 😂

I remember taking my two to the shops with my mother. They were fine my son a bit energetic but when we left my mother said 'you (kids) never behaved like that when I took you shopping'!!! I said 'obviously you have rose tinted specs on'.
People who make comments are ridiculous. My baby was crying on the bus and someone said 'oh he's hungry'. I said no, he's been fed, he's just cranky. You should have just told that woman 'don't you think I've tried everything? Do you think I'm enjoying having her scream like this'? Like people on planes tut tutting- no one wants the baby to shut up more than the parents!
If I had seen you I'd have given you a sympathetic look and said 'been there, you're doing your best'.

Oh God.

If that is really true about 3 toddlers.

You do not want to be outnumbered if something kicks off. You can't run more than one direction at once. I saw a couple with triplets on reins in the park once. DH and I stood there, transfixed at their resilience! And hoping no-one got tangled!

Some people are idiots.

My DS was screaming once and a women said to me 'good luck with that one'
I gave her the hackiest look and walked away.
Then cried outside.

It's fucking stressful it really is. I ended up not taking him for a long time. Now, he loves coming food shopping.

That lady was a cow. Instead of passing judgement she should've stepped in to help if she could. So ignore her she isn't worth the mental capacity she's taking up. Shopping with kids IS stressful so try to do it when they're with maybe another caregiver or statt online shopping because 2&1 yr old shopping isn't for the faint hearted

Massive hugs. I had 3 under 5 and supermarkets were the work of the devil. I never forgot the kindness of strangers who helped or the horrible stares of people who didn't.

We ended up only at one toddler group where they didn't make me feel horrendous. Another parent would always swoop in with a hug or a biscuit at this group or help with the screaming child.

One of mine was like that. totally Sensory overload when she went to the shops. It was the music, the artificial lighting, the noise, all of it, she just couldnt cope.
TBH Dh is like that, he used to faint in the shops as a kid and even now breaks out in a sweat if hes in there too long. We do online shopping for years now, and I rarely if ever brought her to any shops, she jsut couldnt cope. I had to time it perfectly in the day and get in and out fast if i did have to go.
She still hates shops and shes 20 now.
She was tested for the spectrum and was told she has sensory issues, which tbh we knew. Labels on clothes are a no no, she hated having her hair washed, she didnt like having a bath, she had to stand in the bath lol.
Any thing like that with your little one?

''I would also be more concerned about the hitting etc etc.''

Definitely the hitting out at you@Dodosareextinct - That really stood out.

Absolutely do not tolerate that- You don't want her to think that hitting is acceptable.

Get some advice on how to manage that.

My son would pretend to ''kick'' me - he never made contact- I'd say

''I don't need to see the bottoms of your shoes, thank you''

''Your soles are lovely and clean! Well done!''

Often he'd then laugh.

Well done that Mum!

All power to her. 🥇

Short term pain {Not giving in} for long term gain. {Not being manipulated by a screaming tantrum}.

Go online and get it delivered.

Sending sympathy. My oldest went through a phase of waking up from her nap and having a tantrum for no apparent reason. It’s hard.

I’ve not read every other post but I wanted to recommend "There's no such thing as naughty" by Kate Silverton. I’m currently listening to "There’s still no such thing as Naughty" which is for older children as mine are now 7 & 11. I’ve found it very helpful as a reminder of how the brain develops and how young children literally don’t have the ability to control their reactions and are in what we know as fight or flight mode.

Whenever I see a small child having a tantrum I want to give the parent a hug. I'm sure that’s what the majority of people are thinking. Keep leaving the house.

This is what my son does.

He screams HELP ME HELP ME like he's being abducted and in that moment I think to myself if I was going to steal a child it wouldn't be one as loud as this one.

That's a Troika- Drive the trio with the middle one cantering and the outriggers trotting!

The person who said that was an absolute d*ck. It's not even pretending to be helpful or engage your little one, it's just trying to shame you. I normally give parents a look that i hope conveys "we've all been there, it sucks, hang on you're doing great". One man tried to reason with my son aged 2, I had to say "I know you're trying to be kind, but honestly, if just asking him his favourite colour worked then I'd be doing it". Is it a pram thing, have you tried making then walk or sit in the trolley? Mine would scream non stop in a pushchair from the age of 18 mths to 3... they're surprisingly independent!
I would say it sounds slightly unusual if you can't go to playgroups, as normally that's how they learn not to hit etc, it's socialising and teaching them how to interact in a group. When they are school age they will need to have this pretty much nailed so it might be worth speaking to a HV or seeing if there's a quieter smaller playgroup you can practise in....

The issue here is not your child, or your parenting, it was 100% the other woman. So you have nothing to be upset or embarrassed about. If I’d been there and heard her say that I’d have said something to her, and for everyone thinking ‘no you wouldn’t’ I ABSOLUTELY WOULD HAVE!

Online food shopping. Until they're old enough to be left at home.