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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I justified to be feeling really pissed off here?

297 replies

Runninggirls26 · 02/05/2024 19:35

DD is picked up from school 3 days a week by my FiL and 2 days a week by my DM. Last week my DM said she couldn’t pick up DD as she had a dental appointment. I asked DH if his dad could do it. He said it would be fine. I checked again and he said again his dad would be able to get DD.
No one picked my DD up today and after about 45 mins DH (who wfh) realised and went to get her. He’d forgotten to ask his dad. I’m upset that this happened even though she was fine and kept safe in the classroom. I’m now even more pissed off with DH because he said to me when I returned home from work “going forward can you ask my dad so to cut me out as the middle man or double check that I haven’t forgotten to ask him?” I feel he’s absolving himself of any responsibility and is suggesting it’s my fault. I’m also pissed off because he leaves everything for me to organise- all the kids’ appointments, clubs etc. and I do our son’s nursery drop off and pick up. This has just really fucked me off and I feel so fed up. But does he have a point?

OP posts:
TheOccupier · 02/05/2024 19:37

Pick up your own kid sometimes maybe? If DH WFH and can get to school why didn't he just do that to begin with?

Goofusdo · 02/05/2024 19:38

Well it’s DH’s fault for not asking his dad yes, but also why should his dad have to. If your mum can’t then you sort alternative, either leave work early or get a childminder

stonedaisy · 02/05/2024 19:38

Entirely husbands fault

K0OLA1D · 02/05/2024 19:39

Goofusdo · 02/05/2024 19:38

Well it’s DH’s fault for not asking his dad yes, but also why should his dad have to. If your mum can’t then you sort alternative, either leave work early or get a childminder

Get a childminder for a one off? Not really an unreasonable ask. They could have swapped days?

Me and DP have never picked DC up from school. Their GPs have always done school pick ups between them for us.

YANBU Op

Hadalifeonce · 02/05/2024 19:40

Your DH is at fault. I am sure he is capable of speaking to his own DF, he shouldn't need you to do it on his behalf.

Trickabrick · 02/05/2024 19:40

He’s just as responsible as you are for making sure your child is collected. I’d be annoyed that he’s assured me twice it was fine then tried to dodge any future responsibility. I bet if his boss asked him to arrange something he manages to do it. No way would I take on all responsibility because he can’t be bothered to be a parent.

Sapphire387 · 02/05/2024 19:42

Goofusdo · 02/05/2024 19:38

Well it’s DH’s fault for not asking his dad yes, but also why should his dad have to. If your mum can’t then you sort alternative, either leave work early or get a childminder

Why would anyone organise a childminder as the first option when they have grandparents who do pick ups and one who might be able to help on that extra day? I am presuming they are happy to help where they can - of course they are free to say no.

OP, this is entirely on DH. YANBU to be pissed off.

TTPD · 02/05/2024 19:44

I’m now even more pissed off with DH because he said to me when I returned home from work “going forward can you ask my dad so to cut me out as the middle man or double check that I haven’t forgotten to ask him?”

Wtf! Why shouldn't he be involved? Also, you asked him twice, how is it his fault that he lied and said his dad could do it when he hadn't even checked?

BobbyBiscuits · 02/05/2024 19:45

How can he have forgotten to arrange for his kid to be collected? What the hell is wrong with him. He's an arse. Surely as soon as the dad thing was mentioned he'd be texting him, pretty much at the exact same time? Else how would he know his dad was even free? Tell him he needs to take responsibility for his own child for once!?

Original poster
Runninggirls26 · 02/05/2024 19:45

TheOccupier · 02/05/2024 19:37

Pick up your own kid sometimes maybe? If DH WFH and can get to school why didn't he just do that to begin with?

I can’t pick her up because I’m at work. He has meetings online sometimes so can’t always get. Both FiL and DM like picking her up and do it even when not needed

OP posts:
MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 02/05/2024 19:46

How about you as parents pick her up? Ridiculous.

K0OLA1D · 02/05/2024 19:46

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 02/05/2024 19:46

How about you as parents pick her up? Ridiculous.

How is it ridiculous. Jesus christ this place sometimes. Some peoples families actually help each other and... shock horror, enjoy doing it.

Original poster
Runninggirls26 · 02/05/2024 19:47

Goofusdo · 02/05/2024 19:38

Well it’s DH’s fault for not asking his dad yes, but also why should his dad have to. If your mum can’t then you sort alternative, either leave work early or get a childminder

His dad likes picking up DD, is retired and would happily get her 5 days a week. His dad doing an extra pick up is not an issue

OP posts:
LittleGreenDragons · 02/05/2024 19:47

I asked DH if his dad could do it. He said it would be fine. I checked again and he said again his dad would be able to get DD.

So he blatantly lied straight to your face. Twice.

What else does he lie and bullshit about?

Original poster
Runninggirls26 · 02/05/2024 19:47

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 02/05/2024 19:46

How about you as parents pick her up? Ridiculous.

Because we work! Not sure what’s ridiculous about that

OP posts:
protectthesmallones · 02/05/2024 19:48

Tell him he's NOT the middle man, no, he IS the man.

There is no middle man, you are both equal parents. Then ignore.

Linlithgow · 02/05/2024 19:49

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 02/05/2024 19:46

How about you as parents pick her up? Ridiculous.

People have to work, your comment is ridiculous

K0OLA1D · 02/05/2024 19:49

Runninggirls26 · 02/05/2024 19:47

Because we work! Not sure what’s ridiculous about that

Show quote history

It's not remotely ridiculous. It's batshit to think it is.

NotTooOldPaul · 02/05/2024 19:50

How old is your daughter? I walked home from school.after my first six months at school.
Can you teach her to make her own way home?

xyz111 · 02/05/2024 19:50

How did the school not phone you and ask where someone was? My sons school will phone if you're 5 mins late

Linlithgow · 02/05/2024 19:50

OP in reply to your AIBU no you are not, completely DH fuck up. Not the end of the world but still his mistake, not yours.

DappledThings · 02/05/2024 19:51

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 02/05/2024 19:46

How about you as parents pick her up? Ridiculous.

They're both working. Which is a very normal position to be in.

Starbugg · 02/05/2024 19:51

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 02/05/2024 19:46

How about you as parents pick her up? Ridiculous.

Tell me, what do you do for a living?

BlueMum16 · 02/05/2024 19:52

protectthesmallones · 02/05/2024 19:48

Tell him he's NOT the middle man, no, he IS the man.

There is no middle man, you are both equal parents. Then ignore.

This.

Or next time ask your DM to let your DH know if she can't make it so you're not the middle person either.

EG94 · 02/05/2024 19:52

I see fault in your husband but he seems to have communicated politely. That said, maybe going against the grain, it was your mum who fucked you up so maybe I’d argue on this occasion it was for you to fix. If hubbies dad said no, would be for hubby to arrange an alternative

that said I get the mental load of doing and remembering everything and when you ask you get let down. Tricky.

I see right and wrong on both sides