Am I justified to be feeling really pissed off here?

[Runninggirls26]

DD is picked up from school 3 days a week by my FiL and 2 days a week by my DM. Last week my DM said she couldn’t pick up DD as she had a dental appointment. I asked DH if his dad could do it. He said it would be fine. I checked again and he said again his dad would be able to get DD.
No one picked my DD up today and after about 45 mins DH (who wfh) realised and went to get her. He’d forgotten to ask his dad. I’m upset that this happened even though she was fine and kept safe in the classroom. I’m now even more pissed off with DH because he said to me when I returned home from work “going forward can you ask my dad so to cut me out as the middle man or double check that I haven’t forgotten to ask him?” I feel he’s absolving himself of any responsibility and is suggesting it’s my fault. I’m also pissed off because he leaves everything for me to organise- all the kids’ appointments, clubs etc. and I do our son’s nursery drop off and pick up. This has just really fucked me off and I feel so fed up. But does he have a point?

@BrendaSmall if you are serious about using your real name........

@BrendaSmall when you say "we" who do mean?

Was that only until they got to age 5?

Do you want a medal?

Our familes don't NEED to collect our children anymore as they're old enough to get there and back themselves now, yet both sets still do.

I'm disabled and don't drive so have never been able to take or collect my kids. That and the fact my jobs wouldn't have worked around school hours that way. Sadly I will never get my medal.

I know. What a plonker.

@K0OLA1D mind you a "parent" that thinks it's appropriate to not expect a father to be able to parent, or to allow a five year old to walk home, is certainly lacking in something!

Absolutely this, who does he think he is I would be livid

Sniping comment?!
As both teachers we had to either pay or rely on family to take our ds to school. We needed to be in our schools by 8 and didnt get home until 6 , no breakfast/after school clubs then. My DPs, retired, loved to do it but mainly my Dsis who was taking her DD at the same time, she worked 10-2. During school holidays we would have her DD to allow her to work.
Sometimes we are lucky and have family who CAN help, and sometimes super lucky cos they WANT to/ ENJOY helping. At no point does OP appear to taking advantage of her DM or FiL

Kid pickup what app/messaging group is the answer to the practical issue of being go betweens. Also allows you to flag missing coats, heads and upcoming playdates/changes in arrangements.

As for your DG. "Your inability to remember something despite severals assurances to me that it was in hand, is not my problem to resolve. I am not your PA"

Back in the 1940s...

I'm in the minority here, but agree with your husband's logic/response. You asked him to ask his Dad. It would have been easier to do it yourself. You are responsible for sorting out childcare on certain days (when your DM does it) and your partner should be responsible on the days that his DF covers it. If his DF can't do it one day, then your partner should be the one to arrange alternative cover with your DM.

The trouble is that you have taken on the role of being the organiser. You need to either delegate whole heartedly certain responsibilities (jobs, chores or on set days) or you ensure responsibility for overseeing all childcare arrangements and after-school activities etc and you delegate something else to your partner instead, such as food shopping or meal planning. If you delegate, but then do the job half the time or have to supervise, then you're not allowing that other person to actually take the lead.

Yes, your partner mucked up, but it was an honest mistake and not one to get so annoyed over. We're all human and all forget stuff from time to time.

Are you serious?

This is an adult who seems to manage to hold down a job.

Especially this: give him end to end responsibility for a m task for him to take full ownership of and let him feel pride and doing a job well done. 😬

Traffic...

I’ve seen some daft comments on here in my time but this is world beating.

Are you familiar with the concept known as “work”?

I think the point you are missing here is that thousands of people work and fit in school pick up and make arrangements that are incredibly difficult for them to manage. The way your post is worded assumes that people think you are justified in not picking up your kids on the odd day that there is something amiss in the arrangements. Beyond that that it's a minor argument between you and your husband which is of little to no interest. You and your husband seem to be palming off responsibility to everyone to care for your own children, you blame him for forgetting, but he forgot because neither of you usually carry out this everyday act of parenting and that is the most dominant theme of your post. When people challenge you, then you respond in a hostile way . If you don't want people to disagree with you, then don't post on Mumsnet.

@BrendaSmall

Obviously husband isn’t reliable, so guess what!
finish work early and get your own child from school like others would do!

Let me get this straight: all women are required to work under their contracted hours on the basis that their husbands and partners cannot be relied upon to collect their own children from school?

Where do you live where employers allow people to do this and where are all these socially subnormal men? It sounds like a 1950s theme park.

This is utterly batshit.

Your school pick up arrangement isn’t in question here, I don’t see why people think it is.

Men are just incapable of the simplest of tasks sometimes. He is wrong to expect you to take on every responsibility possible ‘just incase he forgets’. We don’t get to forget anything so why they hell should he!

*some men?

My DH is perfectly capable.

Yeah thank god you're in the minority ......

Like I said, husband is unreliable so you can’t depend on him to get the child, under exceptional circumstances, yes employers do let parents leave early

You have no idea if this is a regular thing. And employers let people leave, everyday to pick their dc up? All of them? Really.

Loving all the working mum hatred! It’s never the poor old man’s fault bless him.

If the children’s father is so forgetful and incapable of caring for his own children then I would recommend a physical health check. Apparently sometimes having a penis means that you get to check out of your responsibilities.

“Middleman?” Does he call it “babysitting” when he takes care of the children?

I never once stated everyday!
I said in exceptional circumstances, which happens very rarely, there’s employers that will let people start later or finish early to fit around their children occasionally, I don’t have young children, but the other day I was late to work, it was due to extreme weather, my employer was fine about it, so yes some are flexible

I’ve haven’t responded in a hostile way to anyone! If the post is of no interest to you don’t read it or comment on it. We both work full time and grandparents happily pick up DD. There wasn’t a need for us to take time off work as Full could have if he’d known about it. We also don’t have an issue taking time off work if either of them can’t

You really must have some sort of issue with understanding. This wasn't an 'exceptional circumstance.