Am I justified to be feeling really pissed off here?

[Runninggirls26]

DD is picked up from school 3 days a week by my FiL and 2 days a week by my DM. Last week my DM said she couldn’t pick up DD as she had a dental appointment. I asked DH if his dad could do it. He said it would be fine. I checked again and he said again his dad would be able to get DD.
No one picked my DD up today and after about 45 mins DH (who wfh) realised and went to get her. He’d forgotten to ask his dad. I’m upset that this happened even though she was fine and kept safe in the classroom. I’m now even more pissed off with DH because he said to me when I returned home from work “going forward can you ask my dad so to cut me out as the middle man or double check that I haven’t forgotten to ask him?” I feel he’s absolving himself of any responsibility and is suggesting it’s my fault. I’m also pissed off because he leaves everything for me to organise- all the kids’ appointments, clubs etc. and I do our son’s nursery drop off and pick up. This has just really fucked me off and I feel so fed up. But does he have a point?

Honestly does he want you to tattoo it on his head?!

You asked and then also reminded. He's an adult! I'm sure at work he doesn't need so much babying? It's not acceptable for him to put the onus on you, he needs to figure out how to manage being a father and the minute amount of mental load you've asked him to take.

I can’t stop working at 3pm when wfh to pick my child up and look after for the rest of the day. What do you do that allows you to do that?

YANBU to be annoyed that he can't be trusted to arrange the pick up with his dad and that he's asked you to remind him or do it for you. Did he say his dad would be available , meaning if you ask him ( uour post said would) or did he say he is available as he had asked him. Its a shame such a day to day thing was so difficult to communicate about and he didn't just take responsibility.

The 'middle man' for his own child? OP, let DH sort out all of pickups from now on and tell him don't treat you as middle man 🙄

What? Her mum didn't remotely fuck up. They had a dental app. Told the op who asked her DH to ask his father who is happy to pick the DC up to do an extra day. The fuck up lies with the DH who neglected to ask his DF. No one else.

Original.

She didn’t fuck us up. She had a dentist appointment which she told us about a week in advance. And I thought I had fixed it

You walked home aged 4-5? Alone?

It's your husband's error. That he now suggests to cut him out of this is ridiculous.

You and your husband need to pick up or get 'agreed' alternative arrangements.

This is all on your DH. He needs to take on more responsibility, not less, and take the consequences of not following through. If he's not used to organising childcare he's more likely to forget/ not take it seriously. Time to divvy up the mental load equally between you.

Your husband is a joker. What's his own theory as to why he is incompetent?

The phrase "middle man" speaks volumes. He thinks him asking his dad to pick up his own daughter is him doing YOUR jobs. I'd be so angry.

They already have the agreed arrangements. Dear God. Do others people really not understand that other people's families help out with childcare on the regular???

Well strictly if OP's mum said she couldn't do the pickup, and OP then asked DH to ask his dad .... he actually is the middle man. And OP is the middle woman. One of them is unnecessary in this chain of communication.

OP in future could your FIL and DM communicate between them? My DM and DPs DM do.

The agreed alternatives are...wait for it...the grandparents.

This thread is proof that people just want to argue with an OP.

If OP came on saying they were so busy with work they couldn't collect themselves people would be saying 'don't you have family who can help?' 🙄

So he is actually asking you to check that he hasn't lied, yes?

Does he realise how this makes him look/appear? Like a complete eejit, if that's not clear

Sorry bad turn of phrase not fucked up, fucked you up as in you suddenly had a gap to fill. That’s what I meant. Fixed it third hand rather than directly. As I say, I see you can both be right and both be wrong. Depends on the angle you look at it. You asked for opinions I just gave mine 🤷🏼‍♀️

The fact he used the term middle man, he thinks this is your job and he is doing you a favour! You really need to address the massive imbalance in you having to arrange everything because its clearly made him think its your job.

Not U to be very pissed off with your H, for not arranging the pick up, the lies about having asked his dad, then what he asked of you, and for not doing a fair share of aspects of parenting like drop offs and organising essential things. Pathetic!

I would boot him out just for saying "going forward"🙄

I assume you mean secondary age here? I don't think many schools would be letting a 4 year old walk home alone!

I think your DH needs to take on more responsibility for you DC as he clearly needs the practice.

Perhaps he takes on DD stuff whilst you do the younger one?

Some of these responses, Jesus wept. Your husband is a prick and being strategically incompetent to ensure you do all the donkey work.

Have you asked your husband if he also likes to be micromanaged at work?

"I’m now even more pissed off with DH because he said to me when I returned home from work “going forward can you ask my dad so to cut me out as the middle man or double check that I haven’t forgotten to ask him?” I feel he’s absolving himself of any responsibility and is suggesting it’s my fault."

Yes, he is absolving himself of any and all responsibility.
Yes, he is insinuating that it's your fault.
And neither is acceptable.

So - what are you going to do about it? Because I'd bet good money that if this were a work scenario rather than domestic, he wouldn't have forgotten. Remembering seems to be a choice, on his part. I'd suggest he needs some more practice, so I'd be unloading organising the kids stuff onto his shoulders. For practice.