Am I justified to be feeling really pissed off here?

[Runninggirls26]

DD is picked up from school 3 days a week by my FiL and 2 days a week by my DM. Last week my DM said she couldn’t pick up DD as she had a dental appointment. I asked DH if his dad could do it. He said it would be fine. I checked again and he said again his dad would be able to get DD.
No one picked my DD up today and after about 45 mins DH (who wfh) realised and went to get her. He’d forgotten to ask his dad. I’m upset that this happened even though she was fine and kept safe in the classroom. I’m now even more pissed off with DH because he said to me when I returned home from work “going forward can you ask my dad so to cut me out as the middle man or double check that I haven’t forgotten to ask him?” I feel he’s absolving himself of any responsibility and is suggesting it’s my fault. I’m also pissed off because he leaves everything for me to organise- all the kids’ appointments, clubs etc. and I do our son’s nursery drop off and pick up. This has just really fucked me off and I feel so fed up. But does he have a point?

Your husband is at fault. Perhaps as a solution you could set up a group chat with DM, FIL, DH and yourself for communication about pick ups, also a shared calendar might help

Since her daughter "was fine and kept safe in the classroom" I'm going to take a wild guess that she's not old enough to walk home alone.

Working

What a stupid response! DH is working! My DH works from home that doesn't mean he can take 30 mins out of his day to pick up our daughter! He's working, on meetings and needed for what he is getting paid to do. I also wfh but have to go out and about on visits and again I can't just say to my boss at 3pm 'sorry going to pick up my DD now!'
Seriously, think before you respond!!!!

And in answer to you OP I 100% understand why you are annoyed with DH I would be to and no he doesn't have a point.

I think this it exactly. And exactly what I need to do

Tomorrow I’d ask him if he’s put on his boxers.
Then I’d ask to check.

Since when you asked him about his dad, he said it was sorted…twice…yet it wasn’t.

that might make him realise he needs to take some responsibility.

@Runninggirls26

read what @Trickabrick posted - she nailed it! x

Trickabrick · Today 19:40
He’s just as responsible as you are for making sure your child is collected. I’d be annoyed that he’s assured me twice it was fine then tried to dodge any future responsibility. I bet if his boss asked him to arrange something he manages to do it. No way would I take on all responsibility because he can’t be bothered to be a parent.

Op ignore some of these bonkers posts!

But as for your DH - don’t pander to him. He fucked up and now instead of owning it, he wants to deflect your rightful annoyance by giving you another job to do. Fuck that.

On a brighter note - how wonderful that your dd has lovely engaged grandparents that want to spend time with her.

Remind your FIL if there is a change in plan involving him. I would do it automatically if he is one of the primary pick up people. really nothing to do with your DM to arrange the change. Your DH seems to be totally out of this loop so why involve him?

Omg another stupid comment 😂

You do realise people have to work?! How the hell are parents suppose to work and pick up their children from school? Seriously you can't win can you?

Can I guess the people who are commenting ridiculous things like this grew up in the 50s where it was normal for Mum's not to work and stay at home all day? FYI this is 2024 and things have changed.

Your husband is a complete idiot. I'd be pretty pissed off if I were you!

@Runninggirls26 i think I’ve not been clear sorry knackered. I mean about isolated incident right and wrong but the going forward comments and the mental load you already have is totally 100% wrong. Sorry think I made an absolutely shambles of trying to explain. Fully agree with others he shouldn’t expect you to solely arrange childcare. I just meant this particular one rearrangement can see his point of ask dad direct. Not as a forever thing. 🤦🏼‍♀️ bedtime for me

I mean that I walked home from primary school.before I was 5. All the pupils did. I know it was 73 years ago but I do wonder why children these days can't walk home safely alone

Come on. Surely you know why they can't?!

This depends on who normally makes the arrangements. Do you normally agree the pick up split with the grandparents? Or does your husband normally clarify arrangements with his dad and you with your mum? If the former then why didn't you just message your father in law? If the latter then your husband is wrong here.

For a start, there were 4 million cars on the road in the UK in 1950. Now they’re more than 35 million. Can you understand how that might affect road safety?

I can give you a hint if you like -

They are large, have four wheels and go very, very quickly.

He usually arranges things with his dad which is why I asked him

When both parents are working full time, both parents should be sharing the mental load. The sad reality is in most households, it’s the woman who carries the majority of that mental load. It’s sad to see comments saying you should have sorted it op. I bet if fil couldn’t pick up, that would be on you to sort with your mum. Don’t accept it. Or any other jobs he thinks are yours without prior agreement (because, woman).

Why don't you or DH ever do it?

"Cut out the middle man!"

Cheeky Fucker!

His child. His dad.

Suggest other ways you can cut him out if that's what he wants!

Cheek YANBU

Tell him to stick his going forward up his arse and be a ruddy parent to his own kid.

Can't stand it when people do this stuff.

Absolutely fair enough then @

To be fair I think your husband has realised he’s fucked up and asked you to be backstop for him in futures he feels so bad about it. I personally don’t think that’s a problem.

Well for starters around here they closed loads of the primary schools

So where a child around here would have been able (at a more appropriate age) to walk the few yards home, they are now in the next village over which is absolutely not walkable for a small child

And then as you say, all the children were walking home, often in the same direction so the older ones would look out for the younger ones. Slightly different to a lone 4 year old walking home by themselves

There are more cars on the road and quite frankly we are more aware of the risks too

And it wouldnt even matter if the OP would like a 4 year old walk home alone, most if not all schools wouldn't let that happen