Am I justified to be feeling really pissed off here?

[Runninggirls26]

DD is picked up from school 3 days a week by my FiL and 2 days a week by my DM. Last week my DM said she couldn’t pick up DD as she had a dental appointment. I asked DH if his dad could do it. He said it would be fine. I checked again and he said again his dad would be able to get DD.
No one picked my DD up today and after about 45 mins DH (who wfh) realised and went to get her. He’d forgotten to ask his dad. I’m upset that this happened even though she was fine and kept safe in the classroom. I’m now even more pissed off with DH because he said to me when I returned home from work “going forward can you ask my dad so to cut me out as the middle man or double check that I haven’t forgotten to ask him?” I feel he’s absolving himself of any responsibility and is suggesting it’s my fault. I’m also pissed off because he leaves everything for me to organise- all the kids’ appointments, clubs etc. and I do our son’s nursery drop off and pick up. This has just really fucked me off and I feel so fed up. But does he have a point?

Sorry pressed post too soon.

He's wrong here @Runninggirls26. I hope he realises that

Except he suggested the OP reminded him. But she did check with him again, and he lied.

That's a big part of the issue, because even if the OP was the "backstop" it won't work if he just lies anyway

Some of the responses on this thread are batshit

You are absolutely reasonable to ask DH to make arrangements with his own Dad! He's being v unreasonable asking you to sort out directly. You asked him he said he'd done it and he hadn't. He just needs to man up and apologise !

Why do people on MN froth at the mouth at the mere mention of involved grandparents? It’s so odd!

Anyways OP I’d be raging. I’d be telling DP if he wants you to act like a traditional housewife/default parent despite working full time then he needs to act like a traditional husband. Therefore you’ll be quitting your job asap to tend to your ‘motherly’ duties whilst he now as the traditional breadwinner, needs to pray for a payrise as your very high maintenance 💅🏾

I joke! But kind of not. I told DP before we had kids that until he earns ‘kept woman that brunches’ money he won’t ever get ‘kept woman that brunches’ behaviour. 😂😂😂

So all your dp has to do is work a 40 hour week and everything else is taken care of? But you have to take care or house/kids AND work a 40 hour week?!

Fuck that.

I said what I said.

Sometimes people are human. They messaged up.

My guess that these people making ridiculous comments are grandparents who want little to do with their grandchildren so feel emotive when they hear of other Grandparents picking up from school?

Or sadly they didn't 'messaged up' and that's the problem 🤭🤣

Your DH, asked a question. He didnt make a point.

Just answer his question with a no.

Very simple.

You were walking home on your own age 5?

Agree the comments here are mad. Why is a sensible answer to DH's fuck up in that he forgot to even ask his dad a favour, to arrange an entirely different childcare set up? OP yanbu at all about DH's ",next time" response, though also if you are close enough to fil to rely on him for childcare it does seem liks a direct line of communication would be be. Not to let dh off the hook though. He should be equally capable of arranging things with your mum when more efficient

Think you've hit the nail on the head.

How the hell did you figure that out? The woman had a dental appointment!

Clearly the DH's fault. 100%.

Do you always make excuses for useless men?

going forward can you

Did he say these actual words? Like you are an employee? Ew.
Of course you are not unreasonable, I think its time for a come to Jesus conversation with your husband don't you? Don't teach your child that everything child and house related (because I know he's useless around the house too) is womens work.
I see a couple of the usual suspects have cropped up to absolve him of any responsibility outside having a job. One of those posters I know has herself a useless manchild at home too. Some women just don't help themselves, or others, do they?
Edited to add, that poster posts on another board regularly about her useless partner. Not just guesswork on my part.

Your parents were grossly negligent!

It was 73 years ago 😂

I don't get what you're seeing here at all!!! The OP's mother did NOT fuck her up! Comprende?!

Tell him to make all the arrangements with your mother now, cut you out as the middle woman. When he looks shocked , say “exactly, you Moron” . You deal with your mum, he deals with his dad.

I don't understand why people are playing silly arses here.
Your husband was asked to do something quite critical on behalf of his child.
He advised he would sort it out and when it was mentioned the second time he had it all in hand. End of...
Except he didn't. He had 1 job and he cocked it up. She wasn't on his list of priorities which is a tad shocking for a parent.
He's acting like a helpless baby abd you need to help him grow up.

Going forward @Runninggirls26 (😉) Can you create a group text or WhatsApp for the 4 of you to use for picking up arrangements?

I do go back and forth on this one…seems like a lot of information handoffs that can be streamlined a bit. You did have the first hand info from your mum it would have been easier for you to give you FIL a quick call… just as it would be for your DH to call your mum if his dad mentioned to him that he was unable to do it. I think this is just one of those things where you just make a ‘rule’ and stick with it. It is going to happen again so pick a way you want to handle it and make sure it’s clear.

For his suggestion for you to remind him, yeah my response would have been ‘You’re a grown man with a child… you probably are holding a magic box (phone) that you can set your own damn reminder on… perhaps you should look into that function’

I don’t want to help him grow up. I’m not his mum

This cannot be a serious post 🤣. No school who didn’t want an instant downgrade to special measures due to massive safeguarding failures would let any child under 10 walk home. Never mind not every child goes to a primary within safe walking distance. My primary was 6/7 miles away completely in the middle of nowhere, even 30 years ago that would have been utterly inconceivable to ‘walk home’. My eldest goes to a primary about 5 streets away and I’d still never let him walk the route home alone even in year 6, its too dangerous.

And you shouldn’t have to. This is an A grade case of weaponising incompetence…

@MeMyCatsAndMyBooks "How about you as parents pick her up? Ridiculous"

I'm assuming this is a joke. If not it's a completely insane post.

You do everything child related. This is what happens when you take it all on yourself. Should it happen? NO. But it does. The more you take on to make his life easier, turns into the more that's expected of you without a second thought from him.
It's time to sit down and draw up a rota so you are both doing drop offs and pick ups, appointments etc. This is the man you married and had children with. You know he's not going to do anything off his own back. If you stay with a man like this then you either need to make peace with doing it all and crack on or make changes. You need to put your wellbeing first because he won't.

You are absolutely in the right OP, this would piss me off so much.

Probably the reason I don't have a DH is I can't stand strategic incompetence and delegation of all house and DC related duties to Woman. My EX tried both and was soon dispatched. Life now is so much easier being just me and DC, even though one has SEN.