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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mother-in-law wants me to formula feed and let her feed my baby

384 replies

Artmumcreative · 01/05/2024 21:34

I plan to exclusively breastfeed and have had this plan since before DH and I conceived. MIL came over today when DH was at work and told me that I need to have a bottle and formula. She desperately wants to feed my baby (once she's born!!!) but I want to breastfeed and I always have wanted to. I have friends that exclusively formula-feed and that's totally fine, they have medical reasons for not breastfeeding, and I appreciate that some people don't want to or can't breastfeed. I feel like MIL wants to take over my role as my baby's mother. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
EmmaLou51 · 09/05/2024 21:26

Obviously as everyone has said this is really mental behaviour and I wouldn’t give it any more time than saying- no thanks I intend to breastfeed. I would say though that if you are finding breastfeeding tricky at the beginning (not everyone does but plenty of people do) then be aware she is exactly the kind of person who will undermine your confidence and possibly try and convince you to give formula when you are feeling vulnerable. Obviously if you change your mind and genuinely want to then that’s one thing- but if you are still v keen to breastfeed and get support from lactation consultant/breastfeeding groups/infant feeding team/who whoever that may be, then listen to them for advice and not your MIL as she’s made her intentions very clear from the offset so she will not be someone who will support your bf journey!

IdleAnimations · 10/05/2024 13:32

Runningbird43 · 09/05/2024 17:11

“expressing and feeding in a bottle” in reality is not helpful or restful.

instead of a 20 minute breastfeed you now have to do several pumping sessions to stash enough milk. Then you have to wash and sterilise everything, and if you want to maintain supply you should pump instead of feeding when baby has a bottle.

all that happens is someone else sits on their arse feeding your baby while you rush around sorting shit out. Much more restful for you to sit and feed while everyone else gets you snacks and cleans the house.

”getting baby used to breast and bottle” also isn’t straightforward. Some won’t accept a bottle, some will get used to the bottle and refuse the breast. Replacing bf with pumping or formula can affect your supply. Unless you’re one of the lucky ones that can long term combi feed introducing bottles tends to lead to bottle feeding.

i don’t know why people think feeding a bf baby a bottle is so helpful for the mum. Ime it’s absolutely not. It’s a guilt trip into accepting “help” instead of actually doing helpful stuff like cooking, cleaning, even taking the baby so you can sleep. No, they always want to do the thing that requires the least effort for them.

As someone currently breast feeding. I couldn’t have worded this any better.

Everyone wants to feed my child and when cluster feeding they keep pressuring me to express and bottle feed (LO won’t take bottles or dummies) but these people are handing her straight back to me when she spits up, poos or when I’m soaking her stained baby grows in napisan. Don’t seem to see them then!

I tried to express so people could ‘help’ as I felt major pressure but unfortunately for them my milk only comes on demand (when baby is close) so couldn’t get enough for LO nor would they take the bottle. It did also affect my supply when I tried for a few weeks and LO was very fussy. It works for some, didn’t work for me.

I’ve also been told if I stopped BF I can leave my 12 week old and ‘wouldn’t it be nice to have a break’. A great break would be someone pegging out the washing and making me a brew!

We seem to have forgotten as a society that BF is a natural thing for mother and baby, it’s the only thing other people can’t do so they seem to obsess over being able to take over the feeding of the child. You’ll also probably receive comments that BF babies are clingier, fussier, you’re making a rod for your own back etc etc. Ignore - it’s jealousy I’ve found.

It’s so easy to be pressured into bottle feeding and leaving your baby with other people, stick to your gut and what works for you OP.

I finally have, I’ve told a few family members to FO 😂 now when I say I need to feed, I get no lip from any of them.

LewishamMumNow · 10/05/2024 13:37

2% of people voted that OP was BU. Who are you?

PeachOtter · 10/05/2024 13:59

Say No. It's a full sentence. I was talked out of breast feeding my 1st and 2nd cos they could help me by feeding them when they came over. Turns out that was so I could cook and do everything else for them. I really regret stopping.

Rockchick76 · 13/05/2024 10:16

So creepy

Sugargliderwombat · 08/12/2024 09:32

Sorry posted on the wrong thread

CurlewKate · 08/12/2024 13:33

Of course you should feed your baby the way you want to.

BlastedPimples · 08/12/2024 13:34

No.

Why is she making it all about her?

My mil was pissed off that I bf'd my babies and she was just ridiculous.

CurlewKate · 08/12/2024 15:53

I suppose it depends on how she said it." If you decide to formula feed I can help" is different to "I insist you formula feed so I can have a go"

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