Mother-in-law wants me to formula feed and let her feed my baby

[Artmumcreative]

I plan to exclusively breastfeed and have had this plan since before DH and I conceived. MIL came over today when DH was at work and told me that I need to have a bottle and formula. She desperately wants to feed my baby (once she's born!!!) but I want to breastfeed and I always have wanted to. I have friends that exclusively formula-feed and that's totally fine, they have medical reasons for not breastfeeding, and I appreciate that some people don't want to or can't breastfeed. I feel like MIL wants to take over my role as my baby's mother. Am I being unreasonable?

You've accidentally posted in someone else's thread. If you go back out to the AIBU topic you'll see the "start new thread" option.

Your baby....your rules.i read the other comments,and most of them in my opinion are spot on, I'm a grandparent to a toddler, absolutely everything I give grandchild is ok'ed by my DIL.i respect that toddler is not my child,and would only take over in an emergency, looks like your MIL is over the top,and needs to show respect,and back off.If she doesn't, I would suggest you control her visits.😀

Thank you 😆

I have been in your position and my recommendation is to worry about this after the baby is born. You have to realise BFing doesn't come naturally. Some women don't even make enough milk. It might take a long time to figure things out esp as a first-time mum.

Don't set expectations, and wait and see how things go. When the baby comes, ultimately all decisions will fall on you and your husband, so your MIL isn't even worth the time you spent posting this - let alone upsetting you!

Of course, you will BF if things work out smoothly. You never know what will happen! You might have an exhausting labour ending in an emergency section, you might have to stay in hospital and not be able to BF or you may actually be so sleep deprived that you beg anyone to just handle a baby with formula while you get a good night's sleep.

My point is you should be open to all scenarios and not be upset over something based on an ideal labour/postpartum. I wouldn't give you MIL too much attention right now but you yourself need to be open to all expectations.

Id have smiled and said that won't happen if I breastfeed but you can help with advice please for that.
Why make arguments the world is ugly enough..

Sorry

You can pump (only if you want to!) if mil is insistent and you want to indulge her but honestly it's none of her business.

She's bonkers. I'd wouldn't be meeting her alone and you need to think about putting in some very strong boundaries

Babies should be with their mothers if at all possible, especially in the first few months. When grandparents protest this, I always think they care more about their own ego and selfish desires than they do about their grandchild. If she truly cared about your baby having the best start in life, she'd want it with its mother. Only in very rare circumstances (abuse, disease, addiction) is it better for baby to be away from mother.

My ex MIl was “disappointed “ that I exclusively bf “her first grandchild “ for the same reasons.
I ignored her quite politely along with the rest of her mid 1970s childcare advice.

if You wanted you could express your breast milk and put it in a bottle for her to feed baby with.
however if you don’t want baby to use bottles at all, then you will just have to tell her no in a nice way (really your other half should be telling their mum).

some thing like “when baby is older of course you can most definitely bottle feed her with some of my expressed milk. But for now I don’t want baby using bottles yet. I’m really sorry you are disappointed but I know you understand. It’s wonderful you love baby so much!!”

your baby. Your choice.

If you are this ineffectual as an "adult" that you cannot deal with this very simple situation then you are not ready for a baby.

Love this.

My now ex mil was like this. Absolutely batshit. Your baby, your choice. She has no right to dictate/try to dictate/try to manipulate or make you feel guilty for doing what you choose with your own child. Some of these mil are such entitled brats. She did as she wished with her children, she’s had her time - this is yours.

Shut your ML down and fast! Just say NO! If she's already trying to dictate how your child should be fed before they're even born I dread to think how much she's going to try to interfere in every other decision you make as a mother. Not acceptable.

No you are not being unreasonable but it is definitely worth getting some bottles and formula just in case.
I was the opposite. I was adamant that I wanted to bottle feed.
My midwife and health visitor went crazy. Made me feel like the worst mum in the world and sent a breast feeding nurse to my house to try to talk some sense into me.
They made me feel terrible.
I had a number of complications when giving birth, developed an infection and was put on 4 different types of medication.
The medication meant I couldn't have breast fed even if I wanted to.
Luckily I had bottles and formula etc anyway.

OP you are not being unreasonable at all, ignore your MIL! BUT… I’m taking it you haven’t given birth yet, and it’s your first? Please don’t take this as harsh but don’t have your heart 100% set on breastfeeding, I was desperate to, I put so much pressure on myself and I was miserable! It’s bloody hard but one you get it it’s amazing! But please don’t pressure yourself so much, and don’t let anyone else pressure you to do something you don’t want to do!

It seems there are lots of posts about mils and occasionally dads being desperate to feed the baby. It's weird as they can do absolutely everything else. Is this why bf is so low in the UK??

Yep this was my partners mum. Even went as far as to get a perfect prep machine (after I’d said No at least 3 times).
Regardless of the fact I would never use one as I don’t think they’re safe the fact is I was EBF so we didn’t need one?! She’d got the hint by the time baby was here thankfully.

To be honest even if I was formula feeding no one would be feeding baby but me & his dad for at least the first few months, as far as I’m concerned no one else needs to do so

Ooh I really feel for you what should be a happy time seems to be marred by an overbearing in law and she hasn't even started yet they'll be more to come.
This is you and your partners child she has had her glory she's not in a position to call the shots keep the boundaries and if need be you're going to have to say I appreciate how excited you are but this is how we are doing things etc etc
You'll have enough on without trying to please her

Tell her you are having an actual baby, not a dolly she can play mummies and daddies with. Idiot.

Also, don’t listen to the posters telling you not to expect BF’ing to work out either. Sure, you may not have an easy ride of it (or you might. Who knows) but it’s entirely plausible that it will work out how you want it to.

‘No.’

I fully support anyone wanting to breastfeed exclusively breast feeding is demanding and all the best to her for wanting to do it but the whole only me or my dh can bottle feed is a little bit precious.
It's just milk the baby couldnt care less who gives it them.