Mother-in-law wants me to formula feed and let her feed my baby

[Artmumcreative]

I plan to exclusively breastfeed and have had this plan since before DH and I conceived. MIL came over today when DH was at work and told me that I need to have a bottle and formula. She desperately wants to feed my baby (once she's born!!!) but I want to breastfeed and I always have wanted to. I have friends that exclusively formula-feed and that's totally fine, they have medical reasons for not breastfeeding, and I appreciate that some people don't want to or can't breastfeed. I feel like MIL wants to take over my role as my baby's mother. Am I being unreasonable?

Say no. And do not let her undermine you when you are breastfeeding. I (long ago) breastfed both my DCs, and did so on demand, which can be tiring for the first few weeks but is worth it as the milk comes in beautifully. I breastfed because it was easier, the idea of faffing around making up formula and washing and sterilising everything was too much hassle. I succeeded. So will you. Ignore your MiL it's your DD, not hers.

MIL is a complete arsehole.

As a husband and a father I would think that it is my responsibility to speak to my mother and advise her that my partner is going to feed our baby in the way that you had planned. Your baby, your body, your decision. Us fathers are obviously not as involved with the birth as the mothers which is understandable but this is exactly where we should be playing a big part and looking after the mental health and wellbeing of our partners and babies. Sorry mum, this is not your show and there will be many ways you can support and be involved but this is not one of them end of.

😆 🤣 😂

"No" is the only necessary and appropriate answer to this! And even if you did decide to exclusively formula feed, she STILL doesn't have any entitlement to feed the baby!

She is in the wrong. She is being weird. Huge red flags. Your baby. Your choice. Good to hear your OH is on your side. If she keeps going on and on about it and you're still really uncomfortable, I would tell her so. Something along these lines.......

MIL, I appreciate that you are excited about the baby but as I have said before, I will be exclusively breastfeeding. This is something I'm not changing my mind about. If you continue to ignore my choices and make me feel uncomfortable about said choices, I'll find it very difficult to spend time around you when the baby is here, as I know you are not respecting the boundaries DH and i have set. There will be plenty of time for you to spend cuddling, playing etc with baby. And when baby starts weaning, you can be involved then.

And when baby arrives, and she STILL keeps saying it, call her out.

MIL, I have spoken to you many times about this, and you have ignored my boundaries of what will happen with the baby and feeding. This means that because you can't respect my boundaries, you won't be invited over again. I need to be comfortable in my own home with my newborn. Goodbye!

I hope this all works out for you. But from experience, please stick with your boundaries. And make sure you and DH on always sticking together with your choices. Do not falter (give an inch, take a mile cones to mind). And call them 'boundaries'. And call it 'disrespecting the boundaries'. If you call them something like rules, rules could be broken. Boundaries do not move unless the person setting them says so.

Sorry for the long reply, but I have been there, done that and got the t shirt. And I didn't stick up for my choices. I seriously regret it.

God I wish all grndmothers to be could read this. It would lead to so much more positive mil/dil experiences for all sides.

Hell no. Mine actually got sick from the formula top-ups the HV insisted they needed. Not only did I EBF but any other feeding was cup-fed expressed milk not bottles. Then you can move onto cups with no lids instead of sippy ones. It's free and available. Be very firm though.

From my own experience, or either you set your ground now or this will be just the beginning of her taking over and giving you unwanted opinions. If you disagree about something you should be very clear with her about it, it can be a bit confrontational at times, but she will eventually understand her role and stop overstepping.

Say NO hard no
breastfed my daughter was the best thing I could have done , no need to take bottles etc
the comfort and secure bond it brings is beyond,I had a rough time to start with not latching etc , but so pleased to have exclusively breastfed .
dont bend to anyone’s needs the bond with your child paramount

Do MILs never read MN and realise how completely batshit some of their demands sound?

This 🤣🤣🤣

You and yr DH have to stand firm and united because she will bulldoze her way through your life if you don’t set boundaries now.

Good luck with the birth and breast feeding.

🤣 yeah…. NO!

Tell her no, and be firm!! Do not give in. So glad your DH has your back. Just because a baby is breastfed doesn’t mean she can’t bond with the baby another way. Though if she carries on, she won’t get chance, as will be banned from
visiting!

My babies only ever had breast milk. MIL made the same comments to me (although not before the births). Just ignore—she wants to be in control.

Oh monsters in law.

no. Just no. And I wouldn’t even let her over to meet baby till after a month. Or six weeks. It’s actually better for your postpartum recovery and fending off PPD/A to keep to yourselves for that time. Especially keeping stressful people like her out!

I see major red flags. She’s going to be a bloody nightmare if you allow her

Oh I feel for you. I was in a similar position when my baby was born. All my in laws told me that my baby would be happier if I gave them a bottle (and a dummy). I was told I was feeding too often (I fed on demand of course, which can be every hour sometimes) and how could I know my baby was getting enough if I was breastfeeding.
Please don’t listen to any of it, ever. I fed a very healthy, strong boy for 13 months and it’s one of my proudest achievements because breastfeeding is hard in those first few weeks.

Please, whatever happens, stick to your guns, listen to your heart and listen to your baby and no one else. I’m sure you’ll figure out something to say back to MiL to get her to back off. If breastfeeding doesn’t work out for you though, you are always completely within your rights to only have you and your DH feeding baby with the bottle, my health visitor actually told me it should be mum and dad bottle feeding for the first few weeks. You’ll find your way, lucky baby having such a strong mum!

This is your baby and she should have no say in how you feed or otherwise parent your child. Sure, advice may be welcome and can be politely acknowledged and ignored but you need to make boundaries clear.

I ended up formula feeding my baby because he got bottle preference in NICU and stubbornly refused to breastfeed. I wasn’t great at expressing milk either and baby had a talent for just being too full or tired to drink the formula I had added breast milk to.

However I was the one who fed him, and my husband did a lot of feeds so I could sleep and they could bind. Since hospital and until childminder (I had a bit of a mental crisis and needed this as I have no close family to help, not even a difficult one, as they are all dead or vey far away), no one fed him apart from me and my husband. I wouldn’t dream of letting other people have a turn feeding him, unless he had an older sibling.

Ask her how dh was fed as a baby. If she says breastfeeding then say and that's how I intend to feed my baby. If she says bottle, tell her that was her choice, your is different and you will not change how you feed your baby just because she wants to feed them.

Kids won't die from drinking bottled milk now and again.

All this??

what else is she trying to push onto you and Blaine on hormones?

I had people say they wanted to feed my baby, I expressed and offered them and their attitude was ‘oh just feed them, it’s easier if you just do it!’ So I never expressed again

Sounds just like my late mother in law answer For information it’s a totally different sucking action for breast than bottle No totally breast feed and I hope it goes well Lay the rules down Now

@Artmumcreative that's the sort of over bearing and entitled c**p that you need to nip in the bud straight away. It's up to you. Also be prepared to set boundaries about when you want visitors as she sounds like she's the sort to show up during your labour and whenever she feels like it.