Mother-in-law wants me to formula feed and let her feed my baby

[Artmumcreative]

I plan to exclusively breastfeed and have had this plan since before DH and I conceived. MIL came over today when DH was at work and told me that I need to have a bottle and formula. She desperately wants to feed my baby (once she's born!!!) but I want to breastfeed and I always have wanted to. I have friends that exclusively formula-feed and that's totally fine, they have medical reasons for not breastfeeding, and I appreciate that some people don't want to or can't breastfeed. I feel like MIL wants to take over my role as my baby's mother. Am I being unreasonable?

Say no now and set out your boundaries before the baby comes along "sorry, I'm going to try to breastfeed. If we do end up bottle feeding, I want only DH or me to give her the bottle. There are lots of other ways you could help though: batch cooking, baking breastmilk boosting flapjacks, changing dirty nappies, taking baby for a walk/to a class..."

YANBU. It isn't reasonable for her to tell you how and what to feed your baby (especially in a way contrary to your wishes).

She has absolutely no right to ask or even suggest this. This is your baby, not hers. I wouldn’t leave the baby with her in case she tries a bottle. Your Dh needs to speak to her and tell her she was bang out of order.

Absolutely say no!!! This is when you must start putting hard boundaries in. It's better to have a mini fall out now than when baby is here. Make your expectations known and manager hers.

Fwiw, I mix fed, and I was the only person (H did the very odd few or would take over feeds) allowed to feed my babies for the first 6m. Because, I saw it exclusively as my job as a their mother. I'm not saying anyone else should do this. But, for me and my circumstances, it was the right thing for me to do.

You are going to need very firm boundaries around this one!!!

Your husband needs to politely tell her to fuck off, and if she still doesn't back down, then less politely.

I'd be keeping her firmly at arm's length as she is going to be a nightmare.

Anyone who puts their own needs/wants over your baby's needs, shouldn't ever be put in charge of your baby.

Newborns need their own mum the most. The end.

Hopefully the Father can have some bonding time too! I'm not sure this is unpopular with MNs generally though? I've seen many posts with support for new mums far outweighing anything contradicting this. I'm sure this will become apparent with the responses to this post in full support of the OP. Quite right too! This MiL needs to do one!

Who's the 2 % saying Yabu? Idiots...

It’s worth keeping in mind that sometimes breastfeeding is hard to begin with. Be very firm that it’s what you’re going to do, and you’re prepared to persist. Otherwise if you’re struggling she may see an opportunity to undermine you and get you to change your mind.

Of course you can change your mind, but only if you want to!

Absolutely none of her business, feed your baby how you want to

“I feel like MIL wants to take over my role as my baby's mother.”

Just because somebody suggests or wants something, doesn’t mean you are obliged to give it headroom or take it seriously. What’s she going to do? Snatch your boob out of the baby’s mouth? Just laugh in her face at her sheer CFery and don’t give it a second thought.

Your baby, your choice of feeding. End of.

Tell DH of your feeding plans and insist demand he backs you up at all times.

Have clear boundaries with MIL or this could be the tip of the iceberg of riding roughshod over you. If DH has form for being a wet lettuce around his DM then it’s time he grows a backbone, if necessary.

2% Overbearing MILs!

She is being ridiculous and yanbu.

However...... I would have torn off my arm for someone to do a few feeds with my constantly crying baby when I was in the ultra sleep deprived, manic early days.

I'm not saying you should give in to her silly request, but don't completely burn your bridges, just in case!

One word of advice, do your research now on what breastfeeding support is available in your area, that way if you have any struggles at all with it you'll know where to go (not saying you will) only say this because if she's like that now, if you do have any problems initially and hormones are in play as they will be, she'll totally leap on it as a chance to push you towards formula, and it can make you feel really under pressure at a vulnerable time.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable

Don't make it about the breastfeeding, because if that doesn't work out or you change your mind, you can guarantee she'll come swooping in expecting to do feeds.

I would disengage with her over this entirely - be really vague and then just do what you want to do. Also let your DH deal with her.

Mil is go8ng to be disappointed then as her grand baby isn’t going to be bottle fed.

Well she can piss right off! It’s your baby, not hers. Carry on with how you want to feed baby.

I wouldn’t even entertain this nonsense from her, she doesn’t get to tell you what to do xx

Even if you did use formula, you don't have to allow anyone to feed your baby!

I mean this kindly, but you are going to be a parent soon so you are the proper grown up teaching your child boundaries and behaviour. Say no to your mother in law. It's your choice how to feed your child and you should not be pressured.

MIL came over today when DH was at work and told me that I need to have a bottle and formula.

She's unreasonable. I'd have said, 'I'm intending to breastfeed, so that's not going to happen. Why have you chosen to come over to demand this whilst your son is at work? It feels an odd thing for you to have done?'

And I'd have given her my best enquiring face to see if she had an answer.

Just keep saying, 'No'. And obviously don't leave her alone with the baby if you think she's going to try and give formula.

YANBU.

Don't say anything. Just smile and nod.

Fingers crossed all goes well and you are able to breastfeed just fine.

If she brings it up at that point, you can tell her to fuck right off.

Get DH on side and do it now.

What did you say to her?

I would just smile and say “the plan is to breastfeed” I had intended to then changed my mind but it’s really up to the mother to decide. Draw your boundaries around this very strongly. You don’t have to be in conflict but just firmly keep repeating yourself.

Did she specifically come around to try to put pressure on you?

Say no once. If she pushes the issue, I would be seriously considering limiting her access. I have a former colleague who behaved in a similar manner, and also refused to call the baby the correct name. She doesn't understand why she only sees her grandchild once or twice a year.

3% of posters voted YABU

Mind boggling 😕