Aibu to ask DH to come home immediately from business trip?

[Sosomuchpain]

So I have an unknown bowel condition, waiting for exploratory surgery to find cause.

my symptoms are basically pain huge swelling, fatigue and so much mucous (sorry tmi)

ive had every test in the book all fine. Except when I’ve had extreme pain to the Point of vomiting I’ve had bloods that have shown high inflammation markers, and random stool tests that have shown high calprotectin.

hubs is working away, I’ve got the dcs who are preschool age and toddler, im working but I’m having a massive flare up and I’ve been sick from the pain. I can’t take any codeine due to an allergy and the usuals don’t touch the sides. Genuinely concerned I can’t manage the kids. I can’t really stand up straight, my mind is a mess (due to being in pain), can’t take the slightest touch on my tummy.

no family or friends that can/ will help. It’s not unreasonable to ask him to come home is it?

How old are the DC?

No. If you are that ill get him home

Preschool and toddler so 3 and 18 mnths

What do you usually do when you have a flare up?

But I almost feel like it’s in my head, all my tests are fine, if it’s ibs why is it this debilitating.

Depends on how bad it is, if I start vomiting I go to a and e.

normally I just need to rest, don’t eat, and literally pray it goes away

They’re really young … I’d ask him to come home.

And keep chasing the surgery.

Also when you’re better look for a babysitter so the next time you have someone you can call on to help, in a pinch.

I think it really depends what he’s away doing and when he’s due to come home. I would go to pretty significant lengths to avoid asking him to cut a work trip short to be honest.

His office is based away, it’s just his office day and he’s got a work meal

i don’t know what I can do, other than pray the pain fades

How long have you had this for? Both overall and this particular episode.

How long do the flare ups last? What helps/makes it worse?

Have you discussed with him what you should do if it flares up when he is away. Did you form a plan to manage it?

Have you already contacted your doctor? What did they say?

When you say you're working - are you at work?

Have you contacted your husband? What does he think?

You are able to pick up your phone to mumsnet though

When is he actually due back?

No it’s not unreasonable. Apart from obviously you’re not in a fit state to look after them and need to rest, there’s also the safety aspect that there would be no-one there if you passed out or something.

Yes def ask him to come home - I have a bowel condition (IBS and EDS related issues) plus ASD and my dh ended up giving up work as my flare ups are so severe and so often so I totally sympathise how awful
you must feel , you need to be able to rest

Because there is a slight difference between in essence texting, and picking up a 13kg 18 month old into the back of a suv, and same with a 4 year old, bending down getting them changed etc, it’s subtle but it’s there

How long is he away for and how long will it take him to get back? How often and how long do flare ups usually last etc? Will it impact his career and the household income if he has to do this?

if he is due back in the next day or two, can you find a way to muddle through, even if the kids have to go to nursery/childminder for longer hours? If he is away for months, absolutely get him back.

Because typing a few sentences on a phone is equal to looking after 2 children ……😵‍💫

In your experience, could the flare up die down in a matter of hours, or days? How long would it take for him to get back? If you feel unable to care for the kids and you don't see any improvement likely soon then you have to tell him to come immediately.
Are your family too far away? I don't suppose you could get a childminder at short notice, just to be in the house with you for the kids?
I'm sure it's not in your head, it sounds like you're in a lot of pain and I hope they find out the cause so you can get it sorted.

Utterly ridiculous comment.

Get him home, OP.

I would probably battle through purely because I know that all symptoms will subside the minute he walks though the door because that's stupid fate for you.

If he’s back soon can you get a babysitter or day and a sitter for the night. I know that will cost but at least you’ll have a solution if you need to go to the hospital. If it’s a long trip then he needs to cut it short.

Just a normal work day? Of course ask him to come home. Surely he would be outraged if you didn't!

Yes, my iPad and phone often scream and demand food and play.

Who normally has the kids when you're working? If they can't have them until your husband gets home, then stop work so you can at least put one of the tasks to one side.

Oh ffs stop being spiteful.

Overall I’ve had problems for 7 or so years. I got dismissed a lot when I was young, but had some investigations now. Todays flare started today.

extreme pain will last for a few hours, maybe 6 or so but then I usually end up utterly exhausted, the more common flare ups are moderate pain and last for days or months. There I have limited range of movement, I can’t lift anything heavy because it kills me, I can’t bend or hunch over etc

notbing helps, it’s pot luck. I don’t know, it’s why I’m clueless.

GP advised a and e which I can’t get to, due to the kids

im wfh today but barely functioning, I’ve just been crying in pain all day.

i cant reach him