Aibu to ask DH to come home immediately from business trip?

[Sosomuchpain]

So I have an unknown bowel condition, waiting for exploratory surgery to find cause.

my symptoms are basically pain huge swelling, fatigue and so much mucous (sorry tmi)

ive had every test in the book all fine. Except when I’ve had extreme pain to the Point of vomiting I’ve had bloods that have shown high inflammation markers, and random stool tests that have shown high calprotectin.

hubs is working away, I’ve got the dcs who are preschool age and toddler, im working but I’m having a massive flare up and I’ve been sick from the pain. I can’t take any codeine due to an allergy and the usuals don’t touch the sides. Genuinely concerned I can’t manage the kids. I can’t really stand up straight, my mind is a mess (due to being in pain), can’t take the slightest touch on my tummy.

no family or friends that can/ will help. It’s not unreasonable to ask him to come home is it?

I have Crohn’s disease in my small bowel. My blood work never shows when I’m in a flare. This is common with small bowel Crohn’s. You need to push for a colonoscopy and a small bowel MRI.

I kept going to the drs with wanting to drink salt water. The dr kept saying all my tests were fine but this almost fascination with drinking salt water…..she then started with the mental health etc. I was like that’s a strange symptom of mental health.

abyway I had to fight for two years. I couldn’t even stand I went very tanned and couldn’t barely walk. Turns out I had a super rare condition!

wasn’t till I nearly died they finally worked out what it was.

Are you under a gastroenterologist? If all tests are negative ask them if you could have chronic intestinal psuedo obstruction (cipo)
And/or SIBO x

Anyone mentioned Crohns yet, sounds very much like the episodes my son has.

My first reaction too. lol

"In sickness and in health"... Get well soon op, so you can really lay in to your useless husband and put your back into it! I'm so sorry he didn't come through for you either ☹️

In all seriousness, I am surprised you and DH had not worked out what you could/should do in this scenario. You clearly need a childminder to rely on when these things happen, relying on the other parent alone (whoever is the parent) is a bit risky for kids that small and your condition.

But then, I always have plan B, Plan C and even Plan D. Plan D would be to call DH back from work for a pre-existing condition.

So is your problem related to appendix or IBS??

"knowing someone well enough" would not be bar for me in helping someone in your situation. It wouldn't have to be someone who knows the children, as they could come with you to A&E (in fact they'd need to drive you).

Honestly.....I've had my years of asking for favours. Now my son is older I am able and willing to help others.

Do the two friends who have just had babies have partners who could help?

Had them both my love and both clear x

He's back tomorrow but you want to arrange temporary foster care?! Get a grip for gods sake.

Exactly. I've had flu all week. Couldn't get up to sit downstairs, just enough energy to eat food prepared for me. But even I could look at the internet and post a few things.

Some people just love to put the boot in. Not sure if it's just for the wind up or because they feel everso superior when they put down someone who is feeling vulnerable.

Anyway back to the OP, as an aside I wonder if you are struggling with low self esteem as you seem to be surrounded by people who aren't kind to you, even your DH. It is worth working on this in the longer term. People who make it all about them can be easy to spot if you start looking out for it. You deserve people around you who are there for you as well as you for them.

Keep battling to get the investigations you need OP. Don't be fobbed off. It all sounds desperately hard with two small children to manage as well. I wouldn't discount the endo diagnosis though as it is one that takes years to get a diagnosis for. Look at the NICE guidelines which show what diagnostic investigations you're entitled to and how you present your symptoms to access them (I'm not saying to lie, just not leave anything relevant out). Good luck.

I’ve been able to use the internet as a distraction when in HDU. HTH.

Have you had biopsies to look for microscopic colitis?

so what are you going to do right now ?

are you going to get his parents to have the children whilst you go to a+e

or are you going to take the children with you to a+e ?
and yes if you are rushed off for an operation or something, the hospital will kick in and arrange childcare even if it is emergency foster care until daddy gets home tomorrow.

No, that's not what she said at all.
IF it was a hospital case like appendicitis, she would have to arrange foster care. It's not, so she doesn't.

Sorry to hear you’re having such a hard time, OP. Having small kids just adds to it all. It’s tough.
someone above mentioned they’d had a colonoscopy which saw nothing. But had a specialist gastroenterologist do a SIG (I presume flexible sigmoidoscopy) and then saw diverticulae and adhesions.
A flex sig is just a shorter version of a colonoscopy, it’s the same test, you just don’t go in as far. Any trained person will see diverticulum if they are there, they are not hard to see. You can’t ‘see’ adhesions, they’ll be outside the bowel. But the bowel would be more ‘fixed’ and difficult to pass the scope with diverticulum and adhesions. If a Dr performed your colonoscopy I’m not sure another one would see anything different? Who did the first one? Biopsies would have shown inflammation.
IBS can be extremely debilitating. And stress (2 young kids, in law drama, working mum!) will certainly aggravate symptoms.
I hope you get relief OP, it’s no fun for you.

@Sosomuchpain no comment on this then? Hope you feel better. As another poster said, your title made it sound more serious than your descriptions in your update posts.

Jaffa she said they took biopsies last time, which, I presume would have shown microscopic colitis? She doesn’t mention chronic diarrhoea which is the main symptom?

Bloody hell some people are being horrible on here!! OP I hope this goes away quickly for you, it sounds dreadful. If there's anyone on your street with kids or a neighbour, do ask for help - I don't know many in my area but if there was a poorly mum nearby struggling I'd help out even if I didn't know them well. Get well soon

I’m so sorry you’re suffering OP, it’s scary when you’re responsible for little ones and don’t know where to find help.

I don’t if this could work for you it partly depends on money and what’s available where you live, but nanny or childcare agencies can often send someone out within a few hours. We had a difficult episode when dd was tiny and they were able to send someone out to be with us within a few hours and she stayed overnight on the sofa. Also childcare.co.uk may have someone. You’ll be home yourself to oversee but they can help with the children and it’ll be reassuring to have another capable adult there.

If at all possible you need to get to know two of three people who provide ad hoc or emergency childcare, meet them and have them over every so often so that when you need them hopefully one of them will be available.

Also ignore the hecklers, of course a quick post on MN in a moment of your choice is not comparable to caring for two under fives round the clock. I mean, I never thought that would need spelling out but here we are.

Poor you, OP, it sounds horrendous. You've also reminded me of an article I read just two days ago in the Guardian where someone had a load of tests which came back fine after being diagnosed with IBS as a teenager, but it was triggered by a C section I think so probably not what you have.: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2024/apr/28/i-felt-myself-split-into-before-and-after-how-giving-birth-triggered-a-life-changing-illness

Also, have you tried Guts UK, which is the only charity I think that's dedicated to all that area: https://gutscharity.org.uk/