Aibu to ask DH to come home immediately from business trip?

[Sosomuchpain]

So I have an unknown bowel condition, waiting for exploratory surgery to find cause.

my symptoms are basically pain huge swelling, fatigue and so much mucous (sorry tmi)

ive had every test in the book all fine. Except when I’ve had extreme pain to the Point of vomiting I’ve had bloods that have shown high inflammation markers, and random stool tests that have shown high calprotectin.

hubs is working away, I’ve got the dcs who are preschool age and toddler, im working but I’m having a massive flare up and I’ve been sick from the pain. I can’t take any codeine due to an allergy and the usuals don’t touch the sides. Genuinely concerned I can’t manage the kids. I can’t really stand up straight, my mind is a mess (due to being in pain), can’t take the slightest touch on my tummy.

no family or friends that can/ will help. It’s not unreasonable to ask him to come home is it?

Op, I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling so rubbish.

If it was possible, you should definitely have asked dh to come home. You can't parent in such pain. You are more important than his job. Ignore the weird martyrish posters on here 🙄🙄

If you don't already, it might be worth keeping a diary of symptoms and if they align with your menstrual cycle, just to see if you can rule some things out.

I hope you feel better soon. And it's worth thinking ahead to find a childminder, neighbour or friends who will help you if you need it.

If I was your neighbour, I'd help you out!

So....

1. You need to go to A&E for further investigation
2. You can't look after your young children whilst being investigated in A&E, so they might need emergency foster care overnight, whilst you are there.

If I were your husband I would definitely prefer to miss a work dinner (with a good reason: "my wife is in A&E") than have the kids fostered with a stranger overnight if possible!

Just a random question, but do you eat quorn? I spent several years having what seemed like random bouts of excruciating pain (I would be curled up in the foetal position for usually around 24 hours, then have explosive diarrhoea and then it would be gone). I had no idea what was causing it but was given meds for IBS. Then I moved to London and took a job that involved really long working hours, so that I never cooked for myself and I didn't eat quorn for probably 3 years. Zero issues. Then I quit the long hours job and happened to cook a big quorn bolognese - and BAM, it was back. Apparently this is a side effect for some people. It may be totally irrelevant for you, but thought it was worth asking in case you (or anyone else reading this and having undiagnosed stomach/bowel pain) are also a quorn eater.

Interesting. The treatment for diverticulitis is a liquid diet for a week (as well as antibiotics ).

DH has severe IBS at times and lots of food allergies/sensitivities and sometimes finds taking an antihistamine helps during a flare. May not help at all in your case, but might be worth a try if you have some.

I hope your symptoms eased very soon and you can get some answers.

When you're feeling a bit better do try to get some emergency backup sorted for the future. Yes I know it is hard to build a network - I have never lived family either. But it is essential for those of us who often end up poorly whilst holding down the fort. So you do have to get to know a local babysitter / agency / childminder etc.
To keep costs down, ideally also connect with some local mums and offer to help them in return when you're in better health.
That's what I've done and it's been a lifesaver many a time.

Best wishes and get well soon

Could it be Diverticulitis OP? Has this been looked at? My mum has it and your symptoms are identical.
Edit...ignore me, I've seen it has been ruled out. Honestly, identical symptoms to my mum though, down to the mucous and the flare ups....very weird.

YANBU. Sorry you are feeling like this.

I had similar symptoms and after a lot of time and going round in circles with tests it was diagnosed as diverticulitis. Was given antibiotics and it went as if by magic.

I'm not an expert, so don't take this as a medical opinion, but it might be worth a shot.

Cross posted sorry ignore the above.

This sounds like endometriosis if I had to guess. I would absolutely insist on a laparoscopy to rule it out. The adhesions from it are staged right up to Stage 4 - the worst kind. I think you’ve been fobbed off by gynae to be honest.

Nah he’s royal highness can’t come back, and apparently it’s thrown him off a huge presentation now, my ‘drama’.

i always do this apparently, the one other time I contacted him away was because he crashed my car and I had the insurer on the phone who needed to know what happened. And then I asked him to text me what happened and or call the insurer himself

not entirely the same is it.

in sickness and in health right?

you’d think his majesty was on a million a year and I his humble servant but we earn the same or thereabouts

Used to love it but not eaten is in years! Good tip for any one else who reads the thread and suffers though :)

Yes because that's comparable with looking after a 3yr old and 18month old.

This site makes me despair sometimes.

I’ve had Crohn’s for 25 years almost and I’ve never had it show in blood tests even when I’ve been hospitalised for one of many surgeries. I would expect my husband to come home if I had two young children to look after

How can you compare the two??!! Constantly picking up two crying children (babies in this case), changing nappies, wiping bums, preparing food, clearing up after dinner, running baths, changing for bed, dealing with tantrums, meltdowns, squabbles, piss, shit and vomit and all the other things 18 month olds bring or……tapping on a phone. Go to any hospital ward, every patient will be on their phones. It doesn’t mean they’re bullshitting.

Yeah, Dd was told this and went back armed with nice guidelines for endometriosis. They told her she didn’t have symptoms of endometriosis but she ticked every single symptom 🤷‍♀️. She’s now waiting for a laparoscopy. I’d look at the nice guidelines and see what you think.

I get how you're feeling OP and it's shit that you haven't friends and family who can pitch in. But if your DH is somewhere like Aberdeen or Shetland and you're in Bristol or Southampton, and there are no flights, what seriously can he do?

Oh good god. What a stupid response. OP, get him home.

It sounds a lot like Crohns or possibly ulcerative colitis. They can be difficult to diagose. A friend of mine went through all the (unpleasant) tests for inflammatory bowel disease, was told it was irritable bowel syndrome; and was finally diagnosed with Endometriosis.

Does it feel really really good when you do this to people? Do you rub your thighs?

https://crohnsandcolitis.org.uk/?_gl=11m9g4i7_upMQ.._gaMTU0NTY4MDI2LjE3MTQ0OTU1Mjk._ga_5THF1XE73Q*MTcxNDQ5NTUyOC4xLjAuMTcxNDQ5NTUyOC4wLjAuMA..

apparently it’s thrown him off a huge presentation now, my ‘drama’.

Fucking hell.

I’m sure you’re aware that a bastard for a husband stress can make symptoms much worse, @Sosomuchpain.

I need hardly say what I think …

Picking up your phone is a lot easier than looking after two small children…

I’d ask my DH to come home in that scenario OP.

Have they investigated endometriosis? Do you have problems with your period?

Yes sorry just saw this. I thought I had bowel problems my whole life and it was endo and adenomyosis