Aibu to ask DH to come home immediately from business trip?

[Sosomuchpain]

So I have an unknown bowel condition, waiting for exploratory surgery to find cause.

my symptoms are basically pain huge swelling, fatigue and so much mucous (sorry tmi)

ive had every test in the book all fine. Except when I’ve had extreme pain to the Point of vomiting I’ve had bloods that have shown high inflammation markers, and random stool tests that have shown high calprotectin.

hubs is working away, I’ve got the dcs who are preschool age and toddler, im working but I’m having a massive flare up and I’ve been sick from the pain. I can’t take any codeine due to an allergy and the usuals don’t touch the sides. Genuinely concerned I can’t manage the kids. I can’t really stand up straight, my mind is a mess (due to being in pain), can’t take the slightest touch on my tummy.

no family or friends that can/ will help. It’s not unreasonable to ask him to come home is it?

Bloody hell! 😱😭

Have you re searched inflammatory diseases.
If it feels familiar book a private rheumatologist .
Best money you will ever spend .

@RacingLine
yes though apparently menopause won't sort the adenomyosis. Both my ovaries are 'stuck' which they say can be unstuck by a laparoscopy but indicates that I'm likely to have other adhesions. Sometimes menopause makes it better but sometimes not. Given I'm hopefully near the end I thought I would wait and see except my periods show no sign of slowing down <typical!>
You can often be left with a 'bulky' uterus but menopause usually means the end of adenomysis symptoms for most women. Thankfully, it was for me, fingers crossed it will be the same for you 🤞

@Sosomuchpain I am so sorry to hear how much pain and suffering you are going through. The person who mentioned the podcast had a good point. It might be worth listening to. From my late teens up until last year (I am now 37), have been in so much pain all over my body, which in turn affected my depression and IBS, due to the stresses of not knowing and constantly being fobbed off by the NHS, as well as non-understanding employers, friends and even some family. I was finally diagnosed with fibromyalgia and CFS (chronic fatigue syndrome), it also took from the age of 18 until again last year after finally going private, that I have a sliding Hiatus Hernia and that my stomach doesn't close all the way like it should after eating, drinking, etc. All this alongside stress depression and severe IBS and GERD has not been a fun ride. I am unfortunately in Wales or I would be more than happy to help out, as a lot of others on here would too. I'd be lost without my fiancée. The way your DH is acting is by far disgusting. Please take on board what others have said about looking for a babysitter, having a long chat with DH about how he treats you. Also the idea of a food diary and looking at fodmap with a dietician as others have suggested would be a good idea. I am on a low fibre, fodmap diet plan and it has helped my IBS massively. They may also suggest introducing a food back slowly and seeing how you feel after you do, bearing in mind it can take up to 3 days for the food to cause any symptoms (this is what my dietician told me). I am happy to be a listening ear for you if you need to talk or even vent. Just DM if you'd like and I can send you my number. I know what it is like to lose a load of friends when you have such a dibilitating medical issue as they don't know how to act or even understand sometimes. I am sending you lots of Welsh cwtches and I do hope you feel better soon and get the diagnosis you need to help manage your pain. X

Ohhellomiss slightly less strenous that handling 2 toddlers.

Very unhelpful

I used to get all the same symptoms as you. I've been diagnosed with something called bile salt malabsorption. Have you been tested for that?

Really sorry to hear you're struggling, I feel for you… No practical suggestions for your immediate childcare issue, BUT just wanted to chuck another thought into the mix - apologies if you’ve already checked this. My DP was battling with IBS for over 20 years, and it was massively affecting his quality of life, with agonising pain and many other awful side effects… had camera investigations etc, and just kept being told ‘IBS’. Then a friend suggested a food allergy/intolerance test. He did it, via a company online, and apparently has a wheat and rice allergy (with intolerances to a few other things). The difference has been unbelievable, an absolute game changer. His IBS just disappeared. He’s thrilled, whilst slightly sad that he suffered for so many years without anyone medical suggesting that. But I wondered if it would be worth you doing, if only to eliminate it as an issue. Hope you feel better soon, and get to the bottom of it.

I have had endometriosis all of my life and what you describe sounds so familiar. I had awful adhesions also and I was in agony everytime I tried to do any exercise and other things. Lately I seem to get diarrhea with my periods which is apparently common when you have endo. Honestly if I didn’t know it was endo, I would think it was bowel problems.

You say your in laws are awful and your DH is unsupportive. Do you think (and I do not wish to minimise your pain in any way, it sounds unbelievably fucking awful) that your illness could be connected to, or made worse by stress?

I know it doesn't help this time but I do some work for a babysitting agency called sitters. It's national and you probably have companies like that near you. I have had very short notice and all sorts of random requests. They match you up with a babysitter based on postcode and you can book online. It might be worth signing up for the future

It could be SIBO, maybe look into that. There is a subreddit with loads of information.

Op this sounds awful, I’m so sorry you have no support. I have no advice re the pain but my friend does babysitting through an app, everyone on there is dbs checked and has references and she has a few repeat jobs she does weekly now. I’m just wondering if when you feel better you could get set up on there and have a few trial sessions then you could get on there when you feel a flare up coming on? Really hope you feel better soon, I’d also think about doing something about the husband because him and his parents sound awful. x

Blimey, I bet the OP hadn't thought of that one! 🙄

Hire emergency nanny

High faecal calprotectin levels often indicate inflammatory bowel disease which is more concerning and needs treatment urgently.
one of my children eventually diagnosed with this after GP dismissing it all .
they’ve responded well to the treatment.
It sounds like you don’t have many options?
Babysitter ?
till husband can get home ?

This is rubbish. I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease after years suffering and being fobbed off but medical professionals and my (twatty) partner at the time getting increasingly pissed off with me and my ‘drama’. A few years later it nearly killed me. As far as I know you can’t die from IBS. The medications and treatment they use these days are a completely amazing but to say you can ‘treat’ most cases of IBD (not IBS!) with simple dietary tweaks is nonsense.

Your husband needs to get home- this is potentially very serious.

as this was posted on Tuesday 30th, I fully expect the husband returned home, as expected, last night !st May...

Ah, bless you. Symptoms sound very similar to my son, he was finally diagnosed with Inflammatory Bowel Disease 6 months ago. Just mentioning in case this hasn't yet been eliminated as a cause for you.

Hope you get some help and feel better soon x

thanks so much @DriftingDora
hope you feel better now

OP I really hope your husband has been supportive on his return. Please DM if you have any questions and don’t let yourself be fobbed off by medical professionals until you have been thoroughly investigated. Sending my best wishes and sorry for what you have been going through 💐

I could say exactly the same - and with much more reason!

'You could ask yoru neighbours' = wow, no shit, Sherlock!

I agree. Depends what consequences with work there will be. A solo mum like me would have no choice but to cope- it might be hard for him to argue. OP have you considered getting a mother’s helper?

You were feeling unwell, you are alone with two small children.

It shouldn’t be difficult to see that you need support and your husband needs to come home.

Part of thinks you’re afraid of ask him to do it because you know that he will say no, and you will finally have to face up to the fact that you are alone with your parenting. Including managing a job, and your parenting all by yourself, even though you were married.