Aibu to ask DH to come home immediately from business trip?

[Sosomuchpain]

So I have an unknown bowel condition, waiting for exploratory surgery to find cause.

my symptoms are basically pain huge swelling, fatigue and so much mucous (sorry tmi)

ive had every test in the book all fine. Except when I’ve had extreme pain to the Point of vomiting I’ve had bloods that have shown high inflammation markers, and random stool tests that have shown high calprotectin.

hubs is working away, I’ve got the dcs who are preschool age and toddler, im working but I’m having a massive flare up and I’ve been sick from the pain. I can’t take any codeine due to an allergy and the usuals don’t touch the sides. Genuinely concerned I can’t manage the kids. I can’t really stand up straight, my mind is a mess (due to being in pain), can’t take the slightest touch on my tummy.

no family or friends that can/ will help. It’s not unreasonable to ask him to come home is it?

I think it is the use of the word 'business trip' and not 'work day away at the office' that confused pp.

business trips are usually planned for something specific that requires the attendee to be there for the duration. being at work, albeit far from home, is a bit different and I would call dh to return without a further thought.

your partner sounds nasty and self centred, and his parent even worse.

I know. And there's similar on every thread. Many years ago now I was posting on MN when, unbeknownst to me, I was slowly dying of a pulmonary embolism and multiple DVTs waiting in the wings. There's me on MN banging on about ooh can you get asthma in later life, it's a bit hard for me to breathe ... and some fabulous MNers came along and saved my life.

Not a single one of them said nonsense like 'if you can post on Mumsnet you're not sick'.

The x4 consultants and the registrar I saw from A&E through to the Respiratory ward said I had a few hours left max.

Good luck OP - your situation sounds gruelling right now

Hmmm, could I ask your symptoms

i even asked the gynae private no less for the diagnostic surgery for endo, im so desperate I’ll take anything at this stage even though the thought of surgery terrifies me

Your symptoms are a lot like what a family member went through. They couldn’t diagnose anything at all for so long. Every test under the sun, turns out he had ulcerative colitis.
sorry to hear you feel so unwell. I’d definitely get my dh to come home if I couldn’t manage.

He’s there for 2 days that’s why I said trip inc staying over In hotel and work meal

My dh was recently diagnosed with diverticulitis after having a week of extreme pain, feeling very sick, swollen stomach, and could barely stand up or walk. He saw two gps in that week which thought he had a uti and then wasn't sure so referred him to the hospital. Sadly he didn't say or write the correct things in the referral so my dh was told to go and sit in a&e. Well, he didn't fancy that so phoned 111 the next day and went to the surgical assessment unit where he had a ct scan and discovered it wasn't the kidney stones we thought but a very inflamed bowel. He does have to go and have a colonoscopy in a few weeks to make sure it has healed up ok.
When your husband is home can you go through calling 111 and see if you can get referred to the hospital for a scan just in case it isn't a ibs flare up? My bil also had the same thing as my dh but didn't get treated as quickly and he has had a stoma bag for a year now to help his bowel repair.
Things he he found helped were a hot water bottle held over the area, drinking water and peppermint tea. I really hope you get help soon. I have never seen my dh in so much pain even when he was having angina attacks.

Ok. Noted. But it is a regular fixture (no matter the frequency) of his work life, so just a day at work, albeit in another location, with a meal and overnight stay.

Ish he does it once a month.

it’s very easy to say cultivate a network, but that takes years

I read that this morning. The woman in the article had problems quite soon after the c section, but I guess it could flare up at any point after a birth. It sounded horrendous what she went through, not to mention being parted from her newborn for so long.

I had swelling like I was pregnant, loads of mucus, pain so bad I couldn't walk.

I had endoscopy and colonoscopy. My bowel was inflamed. I had one incident with a lot of blood but coincidentally I had bad sinusitis and had antibiotics and that cleared up the mucus and blood for a short time so the consultant thinks it might have been an infection.

I moved house and got a different GP in 2021 and he sent me for an internal scan where they found advanced endo and adenomyosis. I'm 51 now so I haven't opted for any surgery. Tbh I just feel better that a) someone took me seriously and b) I know what it is! The pain is excruciating.

Is that just a scan on a wand? I’ve had that and it was clear

Have you been checked for helicobacter pylori?

I'm 51 now so I haven't opted for any surgery.

What do you mean, @RacingLine? Is it that you anticipate that menopause will relieve your symptoms? Or … ?

IBS can be very very painful. I liken a really bad bout akin to labour.

Just because you're pissed off with your dh it doesn't mean you get to be a dick to others, especially if they are making sensible comments.

You're not in a position to build your village right now due to your pain but it is something that you need to think about longer term. So tomorrow you're still sick, feeling worse even, and dh's flight is cancelled - what happens to your kids then?

Negative :)

The replies to that poster were because they’ve taken the time to put the boot in so no I’m not going to be polite to them

Oh Jeez. I hate these snidey answers

Please don’t feel like you need to op. I’ve been gobsmacked with some of the shitty things people have said to others in physical or mental pain on mn today.

I hope you get some answers soon and your dh realises what a horrible cunt he is.

All the tests being fine just means they haven't run the right test yet. You're not making it up.

It is so hard trying to manage small children while being ill yourself and it sounds like you need to find some emergency childcare if you don’t have a network. Do your children go to nursery? I was never comfortable leaving them when small with an unknown babysitter but the nursery ladies were a godsend for babysitting/extra childcare. They weren’t supposed to do it strictly speaking but as long as the manager didn’t know (so asking them discretely) they were all happy to do it. You will probably find your network expands once your eldest is at school. There are always lots of favours/lift shares etc happening.

Blimey, I'd help if I could! I'm down in Hampshire so likely not near you x

I think loads of us would help, but the problem is that MN is so big now and no-one really knows who anyone is anymore. But I wish I could do something for the OP.