Aibu to ask DH to come home immediately from business trip?

[Sosomuchpain]

So I have an unknown bowel condition, waiting for exploratory surgery to find cause.

my symptoms are basically pain huge swelling, fatigue and so much mucous (sorry tmi)

ive had every test in the book all fine. Except when I’ve had extreme pain to the Point of vomiting I’ve had bloods that have shown high inflammation markers, and random stool tests that have shown high calprotectin.

hubs is working away, I’ve got the dcs who are preschool age and toddler, im working but I’m having a massive flare up and I’ve been sick from the pain. I can’t take any codeine due to an allergy and the usuals don’t touch the sides. Genuinely concerned I can’t manage the kids. I can’t really stand up straight, my mind is a mess (due to being in pain), can’t take the slightest touch on my tummy.

no family or friends that can/ will help. It’s not unreasonable to ask him to come home is it?

I've not read all of it..... so sorry if this has already been covered....

Have you done food diary/elimination diet/TED? Non-IgE allergies won't show up on anything, yet nil-by-mouth for 48 hours seems to fix you? I'd be tempted to do a total elimination diet at this point, as it could be build up of an allergen setting you off, rather than one off eating? The mucous, I'm sure you're aware is used by your gut to try and protect itself, and very common in allergy poos. You would need to do elimination for a good 6-8 weeks to clear your system, and things could get worse before they get better as your system clears. Every time you have a reaction to an allergen, the reaction can get worse.

Medically, nothing would show up on any tests.

You must sort out your childcare situation. You're saying you're considering emergency Foster care, and that's fine if there's genuinely no alternative, but you have an incredibly debilitating illness. You need a back up plan as you are potentially not safe to look after children this young. I had a really bad migraine/suspected stroke a few years back, and they sent an ambulance basically to look after my 18m and 3½ year old. I said ambulance was OTT and they said no, not with 2 young children. They take this kind of stuff really seriously. Had I needed to go to hospital urgently, one of the paramedics would have stayed to keep the children safe. (My husband was half an hour away at work, on his way home, but they weren't happy about the children.)

I would also expect my husband to understand how serious this was if I was suggesting emergency foster placement. If the roles were reversed, you'd be home ASAP. And emergency childcare is a fully legit reason for leaving work.

Also, the in-laws would help DH? But not you? By helping you, that helping DH and THEIR grandchildren. Would they really not want to help keep the children safe?

Even your friends who have just had babies would likely help in an emergency, I know I would! Admittedly, it would be an 'I'll just keep everyone alive, fed and watered, and if they aren't crying, that's a bonus!' Offer, but most people will help if they know you're desperate.

Best of luck and good luck sorting things out for the future.

Struggling to understand how any human could actually be this vile

What is a ‘work meal’?

A social event with work colleagues, at a mealtime.

If it’s a social event he should come home instead.

I just want to say that if a neighbour I didn't know said they had to go to A and E I would put them in my car and look after the kids. Strangers will often step up in an emergency (although i understand why you don't want to leave kids with strangers but they can help with you there). I'm rubbish at friendship because I can't manage emotions and find replying to much pressure (I have depression). It IS worth asking in a situation like this, people can surprise you.

I'm sorry about your shitty husband and I hope you're feeling a bit better now.

Have you considered lactose intolerance? I get excruciating pain, nausea and bloating with this. It’s a stealthy intolerance and builds up over time. I cut out lactose (I buy lactose free milk, avoid cheese and yoghurt 😟, and skip the chocolate) and all those symptoms disappeared. It’s woefully under diagnosed but more common than you would think.

If your calprotectin is above 120 that’s a sign of IBD (Coeliac or UC) and you will need to see a gastro. Rest, hydrate and take electrolytes if your husband is away but do see a specialist when you can

To be clear, I am not a doctor but high calprotecin can sometimes be the result of a bacterial infection or parasites. You may want to consider raising this with a specialist. It could also be a sign of celiac disease. Hope you get better soon.

Is your condition stress related, if so you need to identify the cause, could it be caring for your young children, either way suggest you get some relief childcare so that you have some free time.

Whereabouts is the pain located? I had debilitating pain and vomiting with gallbladder flare up, but that pain kind of started under the right hand side of ribs and under (between tummy button and bottom of ribs)

Just a thought. Hope you are well soon

Just an FYI... my sister eventually got tested for similar problems after being regularly dismissed for years. They tested for IBS but they also then went on to test for Irritable Bowel Disease... I'd never heard of that but its far more severe. Ask to be checked for that too.

It’s Inflammatory Bowel Disease - completely separate from Irritable Bowel Syndrome. IBD (Crohn’s Disease and Ulcerative Colitis) can be very serious.

your symptoms sound the same as mine before they found I had crohns, tramadol and oromorph help with the pain. You need some help with your children so asking for help is a must