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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Jobs worth nursery??

368 replies

MintFinch · 29/04/2024 06:38

DS is a September baby and we’ve made the decision to move him from current nursery to one attached to the school that he’ll attend from Sept 2025. I have just informed current nursery of this fact. Reason for doing this is that current nursery is quite small and I think he has outgrown it. But mainly, all his little friends will be going to school this September and I don’t want him feeling left behind.

last week I informed the nursery that he’ll be leaving end of Aug. Thanked them for a lovely 3 years etc, all very polite. My one request was that he be allowed to participate in the school leavers activities that they do in the summer. We’re telling him he is going to school too as it’s a much more structured setting, school uniform etc so basically is like school anyway.

Message received back the same day, again all very polite. Except they are refusing to allow him to be involved in the leavers ceremony. Their reason, only for children actually going to school and those staying to the end of term (which he is).

I am really upset by this. What on earth could be the reason to exclude a small boy from these events. And how do we explain this to him. It feels so jobs worthy and actually quite discriminatory to exclude him due to him being a few weeks younger. I want to go into mumma bear mode and fight this but I’m wondering whether I’m being over protective and it really doesn’t matter. AIBU to want to start a fight (on email!) over this?

OP posts:
BoxFoxSocks · 29/04/2024 06:41

He isn't in the right year group though? His 'leavers assembly" would be next summer.

That's like asking if a year 5 kid can join in with the year 6 leavers stuff.

Choice4567 · 29/04/2024 06:41

I mean I agree with you, they could just let him join in, what difference does it make to them?!

On the other hand he isn’t going to school. What happens summer of next year when they have all the same events for school leavers?

WarningOfGails · 29/04/2024 06:41

I thought this was going to be about jobs that pay enough to make nursery worth it!

I don’t see the point of starting a fight - the graduation stuff is for children starting reception, which your child isn’t.

ZipZapZoom · 29/04/2024 06:42

Why would he take part in the leavers stuff? He's not actually leaving to go to school so they're right to say he won't be taking part.

GoingUpUpUp · 29/04/2024 06:43

But he’s not leaving to go to school?
I can understand their viewpoint. If he stayed at the nursery til next year he’d get to participate as he’s actually leaving to go go to school.
It’s not discriminatory at all, it’s just fact.

TribeofFfive · 29/04/2024 06:43

YABU. I get why you’re doing this but I think you’re setting him up for a fail here. He isn’t a school leaver, so he isn’t doing the school leaver assembly. What if he doesn’t get a place at this school in September 2025? Going to the school nursery doesn’t bump you up the list in any way. He will be thinking he is going with his friends but he isn’t; he will be in nursery and they will be in school.

Temushopper · 29/04/2024 06:44

I would say don’t take it personally and ideally just let it go. There will be lots of kids who leave at different times and probably he’s not the only one that might switch from private to school nursery. It’s more than likely easier for them to have arbitrary rules about it and stick to those.

Ponoka7 · 29/04/2024 06:45

It really doesn't matter and until you made this into a thing, your DS wouldn't have been aware of it, so he isn't really being excluded. He isn't leaving to go to school, so doesn't get to attend. Not taking part in something isn't being excluded. You really need to get your head around that for when he starts school.

Temushopper · 29/04/2024 06:46

Ponoka7 · 29/04/2024 06:45

It really doesn't matter and until you made this into a thing, your DS wouldn't have been aware of it, so he isn't really being excluded. He isn't leaving to go to school, so doesn't get to attend. Not taking part in something isn't being excluded. You really need to get your head around that for when he starts school.

This too. He won’t notice unless you point it out

Shelinaa · 29/04/2024 06:46

The you’re being silly. The leavers stuff probably includes lots of stuff about starting reception, which he isn’t.

I actually think you are setting up quite an upsetting situation for him. If you give the impression that he’s going to big school with all his friends, what’s he going to think when he realises he’s still in nursery, and has been left behind by them?

Porridgeislife · 29/04/2024 06:46

He’s not going to school though is he?
So why would you ask for him to be in a leavers ceremony?

As an aside he’s going to be pretty confused when you say to him he’s at school and his peers disagree with him.

TookTheBook · 29/04/2024 06:46

This is amazingly PFB. No it's not appropriate for him or the other older children. He isn't leaving for school, he's a year younger, stop trying to hurry things along. You need to explain to him too that he's going to a new nursery class, not "starting school" as Reception will be different even in the same school.

Santasbigredbobblehat · 29/04/2024 06:46

Because simply, he’s not leaving nursery education is he?

KeyWorker · 29/04/2024 06:47

This is the problem with engineering this fantasy for your child, not everyone else is willing to indulge it. You’ve told him he’s going to school, but he isn’t, he’s going to another nursery. Why can he know that?

It’s not discrimination, please don’t put that in an email to the nursery as you’ll make a fool of yourself.

Just be truthful to your son, explain that it’s time for a new nursery school and he will start another new school the following year for reception.

MultiplaLight · 29/04/2024 06:48

But he's not going to school... M

SprainedBum · 29/04/2024 06:48

Presumably he's not the only 3 year old in a room of 4 year old? I don't understand how he's going to be "left behind" without his friends. He's going to be going to a new preschool presumably without friends anyway.

DragonGypsyDoris · 29/04/2024 06:48

Your son is a victim of his mother's unreasonable explanation and expectation, and is definitely not a victim of discrimination.

BobbyBiscuits · 29/04/2024 06:48

I think if there's a ceremony for those going on to school then it's fair he's not in that year group yet, so hasn't 'graduated' so to speak. But I can't see why he couldn't come along on the day to cheer on his pals and be involved in the food, games, general ambience of the event? Could you phrase it that he wants to be there to support his friends and to say goodbye to the school, even if he doesn't do the ceremony part.

drowninginsick · 29/04/2024 06:49

DragonGypsyDoris · 29/04/2024 06:48

Your son is a victim of his mother's unreasonable explanation and expectation, and is definitely not a victim of discrimination.

This!!

Mildly annoying to you ? Yep. Discrimination? Erm no. Confused

Loads of people do this too and move to school nursery so it would've end up a big faff for them tbh

Familiaritybreedscontemptso · 29/04/2024 06:50

He’s 3. None of this will matter to him. However, you risk upsetting him with the amount of projecting you’re doing.

He is going to be advantaged his whole school life by being one of the oldest in his year group. The battle you are having right now is not worthwhile.

MistyRose12 · 29/04/2024 06:50

Discrimination???

neverknowinglyunreasonable · 29/04/2024 06:50

Can you get him a driving lesson or take him to the pub instead? Just explain to any jobs worth asking about age that this is something you want him to do.

SpicyMarg01 · 29/04/2024 06:52

@MintFinch Mumma bear mode LOL 😂

AgentJohnson · 29/04/2024 06:53

Oh dear God! Funny that, the world not revolving around what you want.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 29/04/2024 06:53

We’re telling him he is going to school too as it’s a much more structured setting, school uniform etc so basically is like school anyway.

this is the problem, not nursery. He’s not going to school. You can’t lie to him and then get irritated when everyone else won’t perpetuate the lie.

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