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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Jobs worth nursery??

368 replies

MintFinch · 29/04/2024 06:38

DS is a September baby and we’ve made the decision to move him from current nursery to one attached to the school that he’ll attend from Sept 2025. I have just informed current nursery of this fact. Reason for doing this is that current nursery is quite small and I think he has outgrown it. But mainly, all his little friends will be going to school this September and I don’t want him feeling left behind.

last week I informed the nursery that he’ll be leaving end of Aug. Thanked them for a lovely 3 years etc, all very polite. My one request was that he be allowed to participate in the school leavers activities that they do in the summer. We’re telling him he is going to school too as it’s a much more structured setting, school uniform etc so basically is like school anyway.

Message received back the same day, again all very polite. Except they are refusing to allow him to be involved in the leavers ceremony. Their reason, only for children actually going to school and those staying to the end of term (which he is).

I am really upset by this. What on earth could be the reason to exclude a small boy from these events. And how do we explain this to him. It feels so jobs worthy and actually quite discriminatory to exclude him due to him being a few weeks younger. I want to go into mumma bear mode and fight this but I’m wondering whether I’m being over protective and it really doesn’t matter. AIBU to want to start a fight (on email!) over this?

OP posts:
Saralouhe · 29/04/2024 06:54

Just explain to him the other kids are going to big school but he's starting nursery so it's not for him but he's going to get a new uniform and make new friends etc..

The way you handle it determines how he's going to feel about it.

Zingy123 · 29/04/2024 06:54

You're going to confuse him. I'm not surprised they said no. You're completely wrong.

DappledThings · 29/04/2024 06:54

You're being ridiculous. All this leavers stuff for nursery is ridiculous anyway but asking if your child who isn't even in the right year group can be in it is even more ridiculous.

MississippiAF · 29/04/2024 06:55

He’s not going to school, he’s going to a different nursery/pre-school.

Sirzy · 29/04/2024 06:56

Nursery “graduations” are more about photos for the parents than anything else. Really not worth getting worked up over!

OpusGiemuJavlo · 29/04/2024 06:56

I think it would be more weird and confusing to be included. The fact is that yoir child is not in the same education cohort as those who are "graduating" from nursery. It's not true that he is starting school. He is moving to a different nursery. I am sure the school-attached nursery will have some graduation event this time next year. If any friends from the current nursery are going to join reception at the school the new nursery is attached to they will always be in the year above and there will be very little interaction, telling your child to think of himself as in the same group as those kids is not going to have any beneficial outcome.

GoingUpUpUp · 29/04/2024 06:57

Also, nursery aren’t going to leave him sat on the step watching the fun by himself!

There will be other children in the same boat or if it’s anything like our nursery, they held it at the weekend anyway so all the parents could come so the other children not leaving probably didn’t even know it was happening.

ageratum1 · 29/04/2024 07:01

What about the other kids his age? All their parents might complain hour ds is being included in the fun and not theirs

Kalevala · 29/04/2024 07:02

He's not starting reception, he's moving to a new nursery. Should they include all children moving to a new nursery? Also you are going to confuse him if he meets up with nursery friends and they are at school and he is in nursery but thinks it's school. Then in the school nursery they will later talk about starting school. Just tell him the truth.

avocadotofu · 29/04/2024 07:06

I think YABU OP. I think they will probably do a graduation next August when he actually leaves nursery for reception.

WatermelonWaveclub · 29/04/2024 07:07

I think that's really unfair. When you say all his little friends are starting school, are they all DC he is in the same class as at this nursery. So the rest of the class are doing Leavers activities except him?

Kalevala · 29/04/2024 07:08

I haven't had a child in a UK nursery, but were there never any small group activities for the group starting school next year, school readiness, while the younger children in the room had free play or a separate activity?

ZipZapZoom · 29/04/2024 07:09

WatermelonWaveclub · 29/04/2024 07:07

I think that's really unfair. When you say all his little friends are starting school, are they all DC he is in the same class as at this nursery. So the rest of the class are doing Leavers activities except him?

Of course it's not all the other children in his room except for him. It just happens he plays with the older kids in room who are leaving. The rest of the room including the OPs child would be doing these activities next year.

OldChinaJug · 29/04/2024 07:10

MississippiAF · 29/04/2024 06:55

He’s not going to school, he’s going to a different nursery/pre-school.

That's what I was going to say.

He isn't leaving his current nursery to go to school. He's leaving for another nursery.

It's you who has made it into starting school and built his ideas up around this.

There will be other children leaving that bursary this year too for other reasons. Should they also be included?

I'd suggest you manage your own expectations around what nurseries and schools will do for your child or you are going to struggle when he goes to school As a primary teacher, I have been Shock at the expectations of some parents who seem to forget that teaching is my job and school is my workplace. And that, whilst I act in loco parentis whilst at work, this doesn't actually mean I am their child's parent!

Kalevala · 29/04/2024 07:10

Kalevala · 29/04/2024 07:08

I haven't had a child in a UK nursery, but were there never any small group activities for the group starting school next year, school readiness, while the younger children in the room had free play or a separate activity?

Edited

Or is this what the leavers activities are?

WhatsUnderneathTheClothesBrookeDavis · 29/04/2024 07:12

Yes, YABU. why are you lying to him and telling him he’s going to school, what’s the point? Just because he wears a uniform doesn’t mean it’s basically like school lol. The nursery are doing the right thing, he’s not the right age for the leavers ceremony.

I hope your DS enjoys his new nursery and settles in well.

Londonrach1 · 29/04/2024 07:12

You being silly. Yabu. He is not in the right leavers group and he has left the nursery the year before his right leaving group. Re moving to a nursery attached to the school you not always guaranteed a space at the school unless school isn't over prescribed. Just slight warning. Also don't lie to him saying it's school. Just be honest and say it's a nursery attached to the school you may go to. I hope he settles well in his new nursery.

AnxiousRabbit · 29/04/2024 07:13

I wouldn't be doing it over email if I could help it
I think I would have spoken to them in person at pick up. Both room leader and manager.

As its a small nursery how many children going to school....and how many from his class?
Is there a cost to the nursery? Is there anything that would limit numbers?

They will have known since he started he wasn't going this year. So if they have 8 in each "year group" they are expecting 8 to leave this year a d they have 8 caps and gowns (let's say)

It may well be that the minority of his group are staying, but I doubt he's the only one?

This must have happened to my daughter who is a September baby but she stayed at her nursery.

DappledThings · 29/04/2024 07:14

Kalevala · 29/04/2024 07:10

Or is this what the leavers activities are?

Show quote history

Leavers' activities will be an afternoon with some kind of event like a picnic and then the pre-school age ones, the ones that are actually leaving for school will get a little ceremony with their name called out and a little certificate. Ours got a teddy with the nursery's logo on it. They got a trip out to a wildlife place a week or so before as well.

At ours they were separated all year anyway. There were 4 age rooms and the last one, the pre-school one was strictly done by age so the entire cohort moved on every year.

asbigasablueberry · 29/04/2024 07:15

It's doesn't matter, he won't remember it. Just let it go, you don't need the hassle x

chaticat · 29/04/2024 07:15

I think it would be incredibly confusing for him to attend a big leaving do with his friends and then not go to school with his friends. I don't know why you're sending him to nursery at the school purely as his friends are starting school. He's young enough to cope with this if you don't make it a BIG MASSIVE THING.

CelesteCunningham · 29/04/2024 07:19

I also have a DC who would be off to school this September if she'd been born a week earlier.

I think you're projecting feelings of being left behind that his age group don't really feel tbh. DD has known all along that her friends go to nursery school this year because they're older, and that when she's 4 she'll go to nursery school and her friends will go to P1.

If you think the leavers activities will upset him, ask when the main ones are and book annual leave. But honestly, the nursery will be well used to the 3yos wanting to do what the 4yos are doing and I'm sure they'll be well able to handle it so everyone has fun.

Remember, your DC also has the advantage of starting school as the oldest rather than the youngest in the year, you can suck this up for the sake of it.

Having said all of that, I reckon if a parent asked this at our nursery, they probably would've agreed. They don't do leavers activities though so can't be sure.

chaticat · 29/04/2024 07:19

BobbyBiscuits · 29/04/2024 06:48

I think if there's a ceremony for those going on to school then it's fair he's not in that year group yet, so hasn't 'graduated' so to speak. But I can't see why he couldn't come along on the day to cheer on his pals and be involved in the food, games, general ambience of the event? Could you phrase it that he wants to be there to support his friends and to say goodbye to the school, even if he doesn't do the ceremony part.

Oh my goodness no don't do that! He's too young to not get upset that he's not joining in

CelesteCunningham · 29/04/2024 07:20

Also - starting school is a lovely milestone, don't rob him of it by faking it a year in advance. Going to nursery school in his big boy uniform etc can be exciting enough.

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 29/04/2024 07:21

DS was moved up to the pre school room early (with our consent) so spent two years there, because his speech was advanced, he's active and they had free flow into the forest area all day and most of his closest friends were older and going from 'tweens' (babies, toddlers, tweens, pre school) , also honestly I think he was getting too much for the younger room.
He didn't do all the leavers' stuff with his friends who went up a year before him, he did it before he actually went to school, that included a checklist of things to be school ready, writing and recognising his name, doing his own coat and shoes etc, your son isn't at that age yet. Also the ceremony with cap and gown is ridiculous, we didn't buy the photo even when it was his time, they're leaving nursery not graduating with a degree!
I think it's actually unkind that you're telling your son he's going to school too, he'll expect to be with his friends but he won't get be in the nursery and they'll actually be at school.