Jobs worth nursery??

[MintFinch]

DS is a September baby and we’ve made the decision to move him from current nursery to one attached to the school that he’ll attend from Sept 2025. I have just informed current nursery of this fact. Reason for doing this is that current nursery is quite small and I think he has outgrown it. But mainly, all his little friends will be going to school this September and I don’t want him feeling left behind.

last week I informed the nursery that he’ll be leaving end of Aug. Thanked them for a lovely 3 years etc, all very polite. My one request was that he be allowed to participate in the school leavers activities that they do in the summer. We’re telling him he is going to school too as it’s a much more structured setting, school uniform etc so basically is like school anyway.

Message received back the same day, again all very polite. Except they are refusing to allow him to be involved in the leavers ceremony. Their reason, only for children actually going to school and those staying to the end of term (which he is).

I am really upset by this. What on earth could be the reason to exclude a small boy from these events. And how do we explain this to him. It feels so jobs worthy and actually quite discriminatory to exclude him due to him being a few weeks younger. I want to go into mumma bear mode and fight this but I’m wondering whether I’m being over protective and it really doesn’t matter. AIBU to want to start a fight (on email!) over this?

It doesn't sound like he'll be starting a new school when he goes to reception though. I have a 3 year old who goes to the nursery at the local school and my eldest is in reception at the same school its called 'village name nursery and primary'.

Attending nursery does not give you priority for Reception (in state schools). So it's possible that other circumstances (you live next door to the school and have an older sibling or have an EHCP with school named) might make it definite that you will get a place, but in many/most cases you won't know until after school admissions.

My local school is a similar <name nursery and school>. Every year nursery children don't get places in Reception.

I can’t believe that everyone is being so rude. I had a similar situation with my child who is a September birthday. Suggesting the child won’t be upset unless the parent makes a big deal is ridiculous. My child also moved to a school nursery and made us call it “big school”. I totally understand where you’re coming from but would suggest that it’s not worth fighting the nursery over.

@Flymo55 I can’t believe that everyone is being so rude

Completely agree. It's bananas.

And - it would cost the nursery nothing to include him, and it's not as if it's standard practice across the sector. The OP has probably paid over £30,000 over the past three years and it's such a small thing they could do to improve general happiness.

OP, you lost me when you used the expression 'jobs worth'.

What a condescending way to refer to those who work in a nursery and take care of your child.

@MintFinch AIBU to want to start a fight (on email!) over this?

On reflection - I would email. Not to start a fight, but just to ask very nicely whether they might reconsider:

1. because your child will not understand the difference between leaving to attend pre-school and begin school. Indeed, most children begin school before the age at which it is compulsory.

2. you have been so delighted with the nursery's care and education so far over the past three years. You have always recommended it to friends, and you were expecting to seek a further place should you have any further children.

3. it would be lovely for your child to finish his time at the nursery on happy memories, rather than a memory of being left out.

If they still say no, just write it off as time wasted. At least you'll save money on thank-you gifts on the last day.

He's not leaving to goto school, he's leaving to go to another nursery and why are you lying to him telling him he's going to school? You are not doing him any favours by doing this sort of stuff.

'Lying'

You have a September-born DS, as was my DS many, many years ago. He was always in the year below his actual age cohort for his entire school career, and was nineteen when he went to university i.e. he got a year's extra schooling as all late September-born children do. (Conversely, DD was born early April and got a year less school than her brother - she was three weeks early, too!) Though you are moving DS to the nursery of the school you hope he will attend he is going with his nursery friends, who are up to a year older than him remember, he is going to the nursery, and the nursery school children do not usually mix with Reception, except at assemblies, not in the playground etc., sometimes not even at lunchtime. By the time your DS goes into Reception, he will have different friends, too, even if he goes to the school attached to his nursery. You need to explain this to him in terms he can understand, otherwise he will be upset that he is not with his friends from nursery.

I do think they should include him, he's leaving at the same time and going to pre school. I understand why you are upset. My little girl left at the Christmas to go to pre school and didn't get any sort of fuss made over her, had she stayed another 6months she would have got the whole garudatuon thing so I was sad. What made it worse was that in the previous summer a little girl who had been going to pre school was included in the graduation celebrations so that she didn't feel left out. They did "VIP days" for each child leaving so they got to choose all the activities that day, food etc. I thought they would at least do that for my daughter at the a Christmas but they didn't bother and it did upset me. But I do think also totally think that as their mum's we are a bit over sensitive to these things. Maybe you should explain it to him properly rather than telling him he is going to school. Tell him it's not big boy school yet, it's a practice for big boy school. So that he has a better understanding of why they are doing this and he is not. Are any other children leaving who aren't going to school? If so then it's understandable they are treating them all the same, if not then they should include him.

Toxic 🤣. What because the majority of people think you are wrong?! But he’s not going to school! I’m guessing this a PFB thing combined with a large dose of entitlement. Spoiler: everyone thinks their child / children are special and different but for clarity they aren’t

She called the nursery jobs worth not the people, hope that helps.

The joys of being the parent of a September born 😂 my son was born on the 2nd September and all of his friends from preschool started school and he didn’t. It’s hard but he will be ok, as others have said he isn’t the right age group for the graduation, as frustrating as this is. I always think if he was a day and a half older. Very annoying but not much you can do. Hopefully he will get his turn next year.
as for al the posters saying he isn’t starting school everyone calls school nursery school 😂 except for me I think lol

No, and your use of the past tense is incorrect.

Thats irrelevant. It was a direct comparison to year tens

YABU he is not graduating nursery. He will get a form of graduation when he does graduate nursery whenever that is.

He will get his Graduation when he leaves Pre-School. Same as if you held him back a year. He can’t join in something he isn’t actually a part of.

FWIW I’m with you, he’s been there 3 years it would be nice! My son was in a nursery where they did something similar for a kid in the same situation. It’s just nice.

FFS he is a small kid as are they all, what’s the issue in him being involved. Doesn’t it teach them to be kind and inclusive, what possible reason do they have to be so rigid. Absolutely ridiculous.

Exactly. There's no real reason except a "computer says no" attitude and the fact they are happy to take money for years and years but can do easily say No to something like this. Wankers.

If graduation means he's moving on he is graduating although I think it is ridiculous to call it graduation.

You said he won't have a clue due to his age, the child who is a week or two older than him wont have a clue either so why do it for them. Well I know why, the nursery knows they will get kickback from the outraged mothers, like the ones on here, who can't bear for a small child to be included in something that is only their child's right.

You know what the past tense means? She isn't saying it now, she said it days ago.

No he’s just leaving the nursery. That celebration is for all the children graduating nursery and moving to reception. It’s different and it’s weird that OP wants to be involved in it.

Think it's emotionally what mum wants and not good for her child and all the other children.

Say a nice goodbye and move on.

Seriously, that's a message that could be given to so many posters on mumsnet.

If DC has a nice conclusion at current nursery, focus him on nice beginning at new nursery. Don't keep dragging him back and forth emotionally.

The child is too young to process emotional complexities - and it's just plain confusing.

Plenty of primary schools have attendance at the school nursery as an acceptance criteria.