Jobs worth nursery??

[MintFinch]

DS is a September baby and we’ve made the decision to move him from current nursery to one attached to the school that he’ll attend from Sept 2025. I have just informed current nursery of this fact. Reason for doing this is that current nursery is quite small and I think he has outgrown it. But mainly, all his little friends will be going to school this September and I don’t want him feeling left behind.

last week I informed the nursery that he’ll be leaving end of Aug. Thanked them for a lovely 3 years etc, all very polite. My one request was that he be allowed to participate in the school leavers activities that they do in the summer. We’re telling him he is going to school too as it’s a much more structured setting, school uniform etc so basically is like school anyway.

Message received back the same day, again all very polite. Except they are refusing to allow him to be involved in the leavers ceremony. Their reason, only for children actually going to school and those staying to the end of term (which he is).

I am really upset by this. What on earth could be the reason to exclude a small boy from these events. And how do we explain this to him. It feels so jobs worthy and actually quite discriminatory to exclude him due to him being a few weeks younger. I want to go into mumma bear mode and fight this but I’m wondering whether I’m being over protective and it really doesn’t matter. AIBU to want to start a fight (on email!) over this?

YANBU OP, I had the exact same situation with my DS and the nursery were absolutely fine at allowing him to join in the leaving ceremony. He went on to the preschool of the primary school he was attending. I think they are being shocking and I would go back to them and ask again. If they don't agree take your DS out of the nursery for the day and maybe do something nice like take him to pick out a new school bag, lunchbox/pencil case instead.

It is nice to read that some nurseries are more reasonable.

But he's not going to school...?
He's going to nursery, albeit a different one, that happens to be in a school.
I can also assure you, that school-based nursery and actual Reception, are two very different things.

If it bothers you that much, just take him out a day or two earlier, so he's not bothered by all the "school leavers" stuff.

Truly, you're being a bit precious about it.

He won't because school pre schools don't do that. It isn't a nursery he is going to too, it's a school pre school of which is exactly like school and they wear a uniform.

They're not that different at all in my experience. Our school pre school was very much like reception- uniform, no naps, reading books to bring home, structure etc. Very much like school and no graduation at the end. It's not just another nursery he is basically starting school.

Ironically those with fathers/parents who are teachers usually aren’t able to see their children off on the first day. Or attend daytime concerts/‘graduations’ either.

I do not think you have helped your DS by telling him he is going to school. He is old enough to grasp the difference. Even if the setting is connected.

Other than that I cannot see the harm in them letting him join in, but truly leaving nursery assemblies are really over hyped and mostly for the parents. I’d just not send him
in that day.

And whilst I agree they are being jobsworth about it, it’s not remotely “discriminatory”.

I don't think school pre-schools (ours was even called a school nursery) are a homogenous set of institutions.

Ours certainly had a leaving event (granted, they didn't call it a graduation) to celebrate moving up to school. If for no other reason that moving from school nursery to Reception is not the same as just moving up a year group at school - there is much greater mobility both in and out.

My first ever post! Am thinking of relocating from the SW to the North West but the location will depend on securing the right school for my child. She has SEN needs and is adopted. She functions well, is sporty and reasonably popular and manages ok in a mainstream primary but just isn’t getting the support she needs with academic work. She has developmental delay, fine motor DSD and is possibly neurodivergent in other ways. Having a ratio of 6 or 7 to one teacher would be ideal for example or somewhere with a good SEN hub and decent sports provision would also work. Would really appreciate any recommendations. She is also mixed heritage so a reasonably diverse area would also be on our list of wants. Thank you!

It makes no sense for him to attend leavers celebrations... he's a year to young.

@Wheresthefeffingsun I'd suggest starting your own thread.

Will you expect him to graduate/ go to the graduation ceremony a year early before he’s finished his degree? Why are you telling him he’s going to school ? What will you tell him the next year when he actually starts school? They are not excluding him , you are wanting him to be treated differently to all other children who attend the nursery.

Im 41, my dad was a grafter and typical "mans man" of that time. He still took me to my first day at school. I vividly remember all the dads in their workie clothes/boiler suits etc. Maybe wasnt as many balloons as there seems to be nowadays though!

Same! I’m 33 and my dad was there on my first day of school, we have photos! As for “not much fuss” I had a tea party at home after my first day 😂

Balloons !!
Clearly we were negligent but they survived .

I have a September child, have been through this and understand your concerns. I think it’s great that you’re moving him. We didn’t and it was a mistake as my child was very unhappy for at least 4 months of the following year.
I wouldn’t worry too much about the graduation ceremony - if he can join in after for cake or whatever then great. If not, organise an ‘end-of-x-nursery’ play in the park and bring a cake/something ceremonial.
I do think it’s a mistake to tell him
he’s going to school. He most likely is going to feel confused about why he isn’t doing the same thing as all his friends, but you can support him and he will get over it. Pre-school really isn’t that different to nursery (just has some phonics thrown in) and no-one else will call it ‘school’, so you might end up confusing him more than if you just explain the facts about his birth date.

This moment, even if he struggles with it, is part of the absolute gift that an extra year in nursery is (regardless of his academic readiness or maturity). He has two more years - including Reception - of playing and following his own interests before he has to sit at a desk all day. Try to focus on that and trust that he’s resilient enough to weather this moment. I’m really proud of how my kid made the best of it in the end.

I wouldn't expect it to be better.. We moved to Scotland and it really is so much better than the nw of England imo

They're not being jobsworth at all, just doing what they usually do, celebrating with the children leaving to start school. Your child isn't leaving to start school, they're not even leaving childcare, they're leaving one nursery to start another. He'll get his turn to 'graduate' & have his celebrations next year when he actually leaves to start school. You sound a bit entitled expecting them to include your Son. I'm sure your Son wont feel he's missing out as long as you don't make a big thing of it in front of him. Why not take a cake in to nursery the week he's leaving so he can have a little treat with his friends or buy little goody bags for them from him.