Page 5 | Jobs worth nursery??

MintFinch · 2024-04-29T05:38:16+00:00

DS is a September baby and we’ve made the decision to move him from current nursery to one attached to the school that he’ll attend from Sept 2025. I have just informed current nursery of this fact. Reason for doing this is that current nursery is quite small and I think he has outgrown it. But mainly, all his little friends will be going to school this September and I don’t want him feeling left behind. last week I informed the nursery that he’ll be leaving end of Aug. Thanked them for a lovely 3 years etc, all very polite. My one request was that he be allowed to participate in the school leavers activities that they do in the summer. We’re telling him he is going to school too as it’s a much more structured setting, school uniform etc so basically is like school anyway. Message received back the same day, again all very polite. Except they are refusing to allow him to be involved in the leavers ceremony. Their reason, only for children actually going to school and those staying to the end of term (which he is). I am really upset by this. What on earth could be the reason to exclude a small boy from these events. And how do we explain this to him. It feels so jobs worthy and actually quite discriminatory to exclude him due to him being a few weeks younger. I want to go into mumma bear mode and fight this but I’m wondering whether I’m being over protective and it really doesn’t matter. AIBU to want to start a fight (on email!) over this?

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 29/04/2024 09:53

Ahhh the classic "I won't be coming back because everyone jumped on me" which really means "I don't like being called out for my unreasonable behaviour"

He isn't a school leaver. And unless you mean the nursery said he'd have to sit outside the hall whilst the rest of the nursery sang songs then he's not being excluded. He just presumably won't be included in the giving out of certificates part or whatever

It's not discrimination any more than being the July/August baby at 6th Form prom means you can't drink whilst the others are!

MississippiAF · 29/04/2024 09:53

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 29/04/2024 09:53

Ahhh the classic "I won't be coming back because everyone jumped on me" which really means "I don't like being called out for my unreasonable behaviour"

He isn't a school leaver. And unless you mean the nursery said he'd have to sit outside the hall whilst the rest of the nursery sang songs then he's not being excluded. He just presumably won't be included in the giving out of certificates part or whatever

It's not discrimination any more than being the July/August baby at 6th Form prom means you can't drink whilst the others are!

And ‘it’s my first post’ as if that makes any difference to if you are BU

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 29/04/2024 09:55

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Original poster

MintFinch · 29/04/2024 09:58

take the time to read my posts where I’ve taken the opinions on board…

I haven’t DONE anything yet. I wanted some opinions before I did something potentially unreasonable.

Toxic.

OP posts:

WarshipRocinante · 29/04/2024 09:59

How is this not inclusive? Nursery graduations are for kids finishing nursery with all their nursery friends and saying goodbye as they leave for school. Your son isn’t doing that.

You are choosing to remove him from that nursery. That’s all. He isn’t going to school. He isn’t graduating. He isn’t a leaver. So why are you using words like discrimination and inclusion? Those words do not belong in this situation. Those are serious words, which really affect a lot of people. You are not being discreet against. It’s disgusting to pretend that you are.

WarshipRocinante · 29/04/2024 10:00

MintFinch · 29/04/2024 09:58

take the time to read my posts where I’ve taken the opinions on board…

I haven’t DONE anything yet. I wanted some opinions before I did something potentially unreasonable.

Toxic.

What’s toxic is using words like discrimination and not inclusive when you are not facing anything discriminatory. Some people actually do. So grow up.

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 29/04/2024 10:01

MintFinch · 29/04/2024 09:58

take the time to read my posts where I’ve taken the opinions on board…

I haven’t DONE anything yet. I wanted some opinions before I did something potentially unreasonable.

Toxic.

You still thought the nursery wasn't being inclusive and then, when told they were, went into a strop

PrincessTeaSet · 29/04/2024 10:02

Your son will get the leavers graduation next year from the nursery he's at then. I think it's fair enough really.

You need to start being honest with your son and tell him the truth. It's far better to be honest and deal with an upset child than lie to try and avoid upsetting them. In the long run they learn that you can't be trusted and can't deal with their emotions. It's making your life easier as you won't have to deal with an upset child (although I don't know what you think will happen when he inevitably realises) but it isn't good for him at all.

SD1978 · 29/04/2024 10:06

You wouldn't make the same request if he was in school, the 'ceremony' is for kids moving up to big school, not another nursery. I don't see this as exclusionary, sorry.

Sunshineclouds11 · 29/04/2024 10:06

Our old nursery done a leavers afternoon for those leaving to start reception.

They don't do it for those going to school nursery.

ZipZapZoom · 29/04/2024 10:19

WarshipRocinante · 29/04/2024 10:00

What’s toxic is using words like discrimination and not inclusive when you are not facing anything discriminatory. Some people actually do. So grow up.

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Agreed! The terminology you're using about this rather mundane situation OP is ridiculous!

You don't like the response that's fine but gosh you need to tone down your posts, it's really not that big of a deal.

Ellie1015 · 29/04/2024 10:20

Well done for considering the alternative opinions, understand disappointment if you would like him included but will make next year more special.

No idea why some recent posts act like you are not listening and in such an angry manner. Just have tune out the posts that aren't helpful.

AnxiousRabbit · 29/04/2024 10:21

MintFinch · 29/04/2024 09:32

It’s a different nursery and school.

Thank you, at least one person can see my perspective!

This site is brutal. First time poster, trying to navigate parenting. I think it’ll be my last…

Although (before this gets jumped on) I appreciate the (helpful) insights given.

I totally get your point as well. He is almost 5 and going to his (hopefully) primary school....just to the nursery class attached.
I think it makes sense to call it school.
And that nursery may not do a "graduation" and he may well feel left out at his current nursery.
I would hope they would include him too.
But I don't think email is the way to resolve it.

DappledThings · 29/04/2024 10:29

AnxiousRabbit · 29/04/2024 10:21

I totally get your point as well. He is almost 5 and going to his (hopefully) primary school....just to the nursery class attached.
I think it makes sense to call it school.
And that nursery may not do a "graduation" and he may well feel left out at his current nursery.
I would hope they would include him too.
But I don't think email is the way to resolve it.

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He will only be turning 4 in September when he is switching to a different pre-school. He will turn 5 in September 2025, shortly after he actually starts school. The ones who are going to the leavers' event are older. They are already 4 or will be by 31 August 2024 and starting school this September.

(Unless OP is not in England and the age cut-off for starting school is different).

But saying he is nearly 5 is missing the point that he is in a younger academic year than the others and that is the only reason he isn't involved.

WarshipRocinante · 29/04/2024 10:29

AnxiousRabbit · 29/04/2024 10:21

I totally get your point as well. He is almost 5 and going to his (hopefully) primary school....just to the nursery class attached.
I think it makes sense to call it school.
And that nursery may not do a "graduation" and he may well feel left out at his current nursery.
I would hope they would include him too.
But I don't think email is the way to resolve it.

Show quote history

Why would he feel left out? Nurseries have year group rooms. The room above his will be doing their leavers, but his room won’t. His peer group and friends won’t be doing any leavers stuff. They won’t even know about it. If he has been at the nursery for 3 years then he has already been there through 2 other leavers year groups… do you think he felt left out of those? No. Because it wasn’t his year group. His key worker and his nursery teachers won’t be involved in it. They’ll carry on doing the stuff for their age group.

CelesteCunningham · 29/04/2024 10:33

WarshipRocinante · 29/04/2024 10:29

Why would he feel left out? Nurseries have year group rooms. The room above his will be doing their leavers, but his room won’t. His peer group and friends won’t be doing any leavers stuff. They won’t even know about it. If he has been at the nursery for 3 years then he has already been there through 2 other leavers year groups… do you think he felt left out of those? No. Because it wasn’t his year group. His key worker and his nursery teachers won’t be involved in it. They’ll carry on doing the stuff for their age group.

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Our nursery has one preschool room, that goes from the third birthday until they go to school. My DD was born just after the cut off for the school year, so she's been in the room since last July when she turned 3 and she'll be there until August 2025 when she will be 5. Most of her friends will leave this summer at 4.

AnxiousRabbit · 29/04/2024 10:36

WarshipRocinante · 29/04/2024 10:29

Why would he feel left out? Nurseries have year group rooms. The room above his will be doing their leavers, but his room won’t. His peer group and friends won’t be doing any leavers stuff. They won’t even know about it. If he has been at the nursery for 3 years then he has already been there through 2 other leavers year groups… do you think he felt left out of those? No. Because it wasn’t his year group. His key worker and his nursery teachers won’t be involved in it. They’ll carry on doing the stuff for their age group.

Show quote history

Not necessarily
My DD was September baby
At the younger end they move up more often than year groups based on development...so babies, then crawlers, then toddlers/walkers etc.
She was in top "pre-school" room for over 18 months. There were say 20-25 in that room and around 15 went to school the September a whole year before her, and she and others stayed, then more moved up from the younger room.
Some of those that went to school before her were only a month or two younger so had moved up pretty much with her the whole time previously.

chaticat · 29/04/2024 10:39

Don't use words like inclusivity and discrimination. Those are POWERFUL words and completely not what is happening here. This isn't age discrimination.

You also don't need to "reframe it". It's not that big a thing. It just is what it is.

Hoppinggreen · 29/04/2024 10:41

You may be setting him up for a lifetime of entitlement if you continue with this attitude.
Its not mean, or discrimination or anything else its just factual and I dont blame them to be honest

PoppyCherryDog · 29/04/2024 10:47

You are being very precious!!

Mrsjayy · 29/04/2024 10:47

Hoppinggreen · 29/04/2024 10:41

You may be setting him up for a lifetime of entitlement if you continue with this attitude.
Its not mean, or discrimination or anything else its just factual and I dont blame them to be honest

I think the op also needs to work on her own entitlement too or she will be worried her son doesn't get the good parts in the school play or "sad" that he doesn't get star of the week.

The boy moving nursery isn't the deal she hopes it is, but we are all just a bunch of mean meanies who don't see her point !

Sahara123 · 29/04/2024 10:47

I am so glad mine were at nursery before all this cap and gown “graduation “ stuff started! Such a palaver for a bunch of slightly baffled 4 year olds . But then I we weren’t a family who had dad etc lined up to see them off to their first day at school either . Don’t get me wrong , I am as soppy as the next person and we took a photo in uniform with the new school bag , but these “transitions “ weren’t such a big deal . It seems to set expectations so high , when really it’s just one of life’s progressions . Although maybe that’s where I went wrong , I remember on the second day of school one of mine being surprised that she had to go back again , and that this was what she had to do for quite some time now !
Luckily they are all fully competent fabulous adults now .

CelesteCunningham · 29/04/2024 10:49

Sahara123 · 29/04/2024 10:47

I am so glad mine were at nursery before all this cap and gown “graduation “ stuff started! Such a palaver for a bunch of slightly baffled 4 year olds . But then I we weren’t a family who had dad etc lined up to see them off to their first day at school either . Don’t get me wrong , I am as soppy as the next person and we took a photo in uniform with the new school bag , but these “transitions “ weren’t such a big deal . It seems to set expectations so high , when really it’s just one of life’s progressions . Although maybe that’s where I went wrong , I remember on the second day of school one of mine being surprised that she had to go back again , and that this was what she had to do for quite some time now !
Luckily they are all fully competent fabulous adults now .

Your children's father didn't see them off on their first day of school? I know it's not always possible, but I've never known a parent who didn't want to be present for that milestone.

Peonies12 · 29/04/2024 10:49

What a thing to get upset over. He's not going to school, he's going to another nursery. Get some perspective.

ViaRia01 · 29/04/2024 10:53

I can see that there’s ‘method in your madness’ but the thing is, it isn’t really their fault that you have chosen to (white) lie to your child.

It’s fine that you’ve asked them to include him but they’ve said no and so there isn’t really much more that you can do about it. It’s not right to push them into it.