Jobs worth nursery??

[MintFinch]

DS is a September baby and we’ve made the decision to move him from current nursery to one attached to the school that he’ll attend from Sept 2025. I have just informed current nursery of this fact. Reason for doing this is that current nursery is quite small and I think he has outgrown it. But mainly, all his little friends will be going to school this September and I don’t want him feeling left behind.

last week I informed the nursery that he’ll be leaving end of Aug. Thanked them for a lovely 3 years etc, all very polite. My one request was that he be allowed to participate in the school leavers activities that they do in the summer. We’re telling him he is going to school too as it’s a much more structured setting, school uniform etc so basically is like school anyway.

Message received back the same day, again all very polite. Except they are refusing to allow him to be involved in the leavers ceremony. Their reason, only for children actually going to school and those staying to the end of term (which he is).

I am really upset by this. What on earth could be the reason to exclude a small boy from these events. And how do we explain this to him. It feels so jobs worthy and actually quite discriminatory to exclude him due to him being a few weeks younger. I want to go into mumma bear mode and fight this but I’m wondering whether I’m being over protective and it really doesn’t matter. AIBU to want to start a fight (on email!) over this?

I am so glad mine were at nursery before all this cap and gown “graduation “ stuff started! Such a palaver for a bunch of slightly baffled 4 year olds
Totally. Ours didn't do the cap and gown nonsense thank goodness but they did have a ceremony which seemed a bit silly. DC1 didn't get it because of covid and DH went to DC2's because it was easy for him to pop out to (nursery was at his workplace). If he hadn't been able to I would have booked annual leave but slightly resented it.

DC1 started school in 2020 so still with some restrictions and it seemed a much better idea the way he had it with a clean start. DC2 had 3 separate visits before she started and it made it into a far bigger deal than it needed to be.

No ! Hardly any did 30 years ago , cos they worked ! Everything was much calmer , going to school was just one of those things you did, not so much fuss about everything . I understand times have changed and I’m an old fogey now , to my generation this all seems so over the top. The kids weren’t that bothered either , they just ran in , met their friends and came out saying” I made 6 new friends today “

I don't understand why you've told him he's going to school, rather than preschool?

You're moving nursery settings midway through, which is absolutely your prerogative. But you are being unreasonable to expect nursery to make the same fuss of your child as they will of the ones who have been with the setting all the way through and are ageing out. And you are being unreasonable to expect them to make an exception of your child, treat them as if they are in the cohort a year above them and to make his leaving nursery feel special just because it's what you want. It's the same as when a child moves primary schools midway through; it's never going to be as momentous as Year 6 leavers and you would be unreasonable to expect that.

I think you need to adjust your expectations before your child starts school.

That's really sad. I'm 40 and my dad came to mine, as did most of my friends'.

To be honest we never talked about milestones either , you just moved in to the next thing !

My eldest Dd left her nursery 20 odd years ago they had a leaving thing I mean it wasn't a "graduation" but they had a send off going to school is a big event in a child's life and nursery's doing a leaving thing is a bit of fun and harmless., its some parents like the op who puts too much importance on it that's why she's upset for her son, but it doesn't really mean anything.

I'm 40 and my dad didn't come. He was at work! He couldn't take an entire day off just to watch me walk into a building!

I'm 44 and I have no idea if my dad was there. I have no memory of starting school at all.

Like I said, I know it isn't always possible (I'm a working parent, I get that juggle). But it was the norm where I grew up for any father who could go to go. The idea that dads coming to the first day at school is a modern trend like graduations for 4 year olds is completely alien to me.

I missed the discriminatory comment. Of course they're going to bloody discriminate when he's a few weeks' younger: that's how the entire school system works! Same way bartenders will discriminate against him when he's 17 and trying to buy a pint.

If he were a few weeks' older, you'd be stressing that he was going to be one of the youngest ones in his year group at school.

People always say mumsnet is toxic when the general consensus is to disagree with them. There's actually a lot of really supportive posts and threads where people are facing domestic violence, cheating partners and all kinds of issues.

OP seems a bit confused about the meaning of the word Toxic
Mind you she also seems to be confused about Discriminatory as well.

Nope, my OH didn't either
He took the second week of the lengthy "settling in" off.
I'm sure he'd have loved the day off but it's just not possible to go to everything....and it does make a much bigger deal out of it than necessary

@ButWhatAboutTheBees OP was very open about the fact that she was asking advice, canvassing opinions - not wanting her “unreasonable behaviour to be validated”
I’m not sure what buttons OP has pressed to make you so angry. Yes sometimes posters make us angry, when they say things like “I smacked my child’s face because he wouldn’t eat his tea” or “I crashed into a parked car and I just drove off”. But asking about nursery and how to handle a social situation is really not a triggering post. I think you shouldn’t be so nasty.

I'm similar age. I started after Easter.
I don't remember my first day but my mum worked in the school. And my dad worked too.
I suspect my childminder took me in tbh if it was half days.

Sorry I mis typed.yes he is almost 4, but I meant to say he is almost same age as those going to school and has probably been with them the whole way.

When I was born in the 80s dads didn’t even get paternity leave! Pretty sure they weren’t all taking annual leave to see their child go into Reception for the first time. Can’t remember my dad being there, tbh I can’t remember my mum being there either but I expect she dropped me off at school!

Gently, you need to let this go. The nursery are not being jobs worths there has to be cut offs and lots of children miss out on start and leavers date by days or weeks. Your son will get to do all this when its his turn next year. Tbh you are creating a bigger issue by pretending to your son he's going to school- he will not be with his friends as they are in reception. As for the leavers things these are often more about the parents than children. My DS started school in 2020 so there were no nursery graduations or transitions and we all coped fine.

But he isn't starting school until 2025 and the leavers event is for those starting school in 2024?

Also, you do know that the school allocation process does not factor in which nursery they attend so you may not even get a place at the school even if the nursery is attached to it.

Nursery Graduation is for children who are graduating to school.

OP’s son is not going to school, he’s going to pre-school.

I’m honestly baffled as to why he should be included in the graduation?

It’s like the Year 10 children wanting to go to the Year 11 Prom…..it’s nonsensical.

Nursery/Pre-school graduation is for the children who is leaving to go to school, which OP’s son is not.

This is bonkers. Stop lying to your dc - he’s changing nursery, not going to school, and he’ll “graduate” from his new nursery the following year. Stop being weird about it. Nursery staff have enough to do without parents adding extra complexity.

Was in year 5 and it was a play that all the kids from years 3-6 were in (KS2).

Really sad ?!
It really wasn’t ! Kids barely noticed we mums were there , too excited to see their friends

So the school kicked you out of the play because you said you were leaving at the end of year 5 even though you were actually still there until the end?

That sounds very unfair although unrelated to the OP who is trying to get her child involved in something for a different year group.

Did your parents not make it clear you were leaving at the end of the year rather than part through it?

in a few years time OP you’ll look back on this and cringe!

don’t worry we’ve all been unreasonable, overly precious parents at least once. It’s very embarrassing looking back on it all 😂