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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Jobs worth nursery??

368 replies

MintFinch · 29/04/2024 06:38

DS is a September baby and we’ve made the decision to move him from current nursery to one attached to the school that he’ll attend from Sept 2025. I have just informed current nursery of this fact. Reason for doing this is that current nursery is quite small and I think he has outgrown it. But mainly, all his little friends will be going to school this September and I don’t want him feeling left behind.

last week I informed the nursery that he’ll be leaving end of Aug. Thanked them for a lovely 3 years etc, all very polite. My one request was that he be allowed to participate in the school leavers activities that they do in the summer. We’re telling him he is going to school too as it’s a much more structured setting, school uniform etc so basically is like school anyway.

Message received back the same day, again all very polite. Except they are refusing to allow him to be involved in the leavers ceremony. Their reason, only for children actually going to school and those staying to the end of term (which he is).

I am really upset by this. What on earth could be the reason to exclude a small boy from these events. And how do we explain this to him. It feels so jobs worthy and actually quite discriminatory to exclude him due to him being a few weeks younger. I want to go into mumma bear mode and fight this but I’m wondering whether I’m being over protective and it really doesn’t matter. AIBU to want to start a fight (on email!) over this?

OP posts:
Dollmeup · 29/04/2024 07:22

I think it's more likely to confuse him if he's included. And I think lying to him about starting school is a bad idea, he's going to figure it out and better that he has time to process what is going on. Just call it pre-school rather than nursery if it helps.

cocog · 29/04/2024 07:23

He will most lightly get his graduation next summer when he leaves preschool/kindergarten for reception.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 29/04/2024 07:29

Discrimination 😂

Also, is the school you're moving him to the only one in the area? Because if it isn't then you can't guarantee that's the school he'll be allocated even if he's in the nursery there.

This is all your doing by lying to your DS. Nursery don't need to pamper to your request

Whinge · 29/04/2024 07:31

BoxFoxSocks · 29/04/2024 06:41

He isn't in the right year group though? His 'leavers assembly" would be next summer.

That's like asking if a year 5 kid can join in with the year 6 leavers stuff.

As is so often the case, the first reply is spot on.

@MintFinch YABU

WarshipRocinante · 29/04/2024 07:34

Why are you telling him he is going to school? He is not going to school. You’re taking that away from him. His first day of school is a big deal, and you’re taking it away with your nonsense that a new nursery is his first day of school.

He isn’t leaving nursery to go to school, so he can’t join in the “graduation” activities. The other kids are all in the older year room, all known each other, the parents will know each other a little bit. It’s their time. Your kid has nothing to do with it. How dare you call the people who have cared for your son for three years “jobsworths.” And the momma bear nonsense? Jesus, you’re going to have to grow up because you’ve got years of education ahead of you and you can’t just demand what you want from teaching staff.

thaegumathteth · 29/04/2024 07:34

OP - you are seriously being a bit mad over this. When my first was little I didn't do this but I did do other things which were insane tbh.

Forget this. Don't lie about him going to school either. He will be really confused.

Focus on cultivating friendships and resilience at his new nursery.

BUT they're 4. Don't make all this into some massive all consuming thing.

Itloggedmeoutagain · 29/04/2024 07:35

Discrimination?
The ones going to school go to the leaver celebration
The ones carrying on with nursery education don't.
I'm not sure which bit you don't get here.

GreenWheat · 29/04/2024 07:37

This happens every year at nurseries - some children go off to reception whilst the Sept/Oct/Nov birthdays in the cohort don't. My DS is an October birthday so we made sure in advance that he had some friends also in that group. When leaving time came, we just said, "Some of your friends are going to school because of when their birthday is. You are going next year, and so are X, Y and Z friends ". He had new friends within a fortnight of the others leaving, which was better in the long run because these were the kids actually in his class in reception. There is no need to cushion your DS from this - in doing so you are likely to cause confusion for him.

Fedupmumofadultsons · 29/04/2024 07:37

I assume poster didn't like the answers .funny that when everyone doesn't just agree with them

ExcitedButNervous0424 · 29/04/2024 07:41

Well this is quite an amusing thread to wake up to on a Monday morning 😂

So you’re lying to your child and telling him he’s starting school when he isn’t, and then you are getting annoyed because the nursery won’t go along with it?

And “mumma bear” ???? 😂

This has to be a case of “precious first born” 👍

But on a serious note, YABU. Get a grip, take a breath and tell your son he’s not starting school. You’re making a total drama over this when you really don’t need to. He’s 3!!!

Kalevala · 29/04/2024 07:45

GreenWheat · 29/04/2024 07:37

This happens every year at nurseries - some children go off to reception whilst the Sept/Oct/Nov birthdays in the cohort don't. My DS is an October birthday so we made sure in advance that he had some friends also in that group. When leaving time came, we just said, "Some of your friends are going to school because of when their birthday is. You are going next year, and so are X, Y and Z friends ". He had new friends within a fortnight of the others leaving, which was better in the long run because these were the kids actually in his class in reception. There is no need to cushion your DS from this - in doing so you are likely to cause confusion for him.

Not just the autumn born children either. DS was a younger one and still was friends with many children in the year above, you are right though, they adjust.

IAmThe1AndOnly · 29/04/2024 07:45

You’re being incredibly short-sighted moving him to another nursery because his friends are going to school there.

The reality is that once those children start reception and he’s still in nursery those friendships will have fizzled out by the end of the first week because they’ll all have made new friendship groups in their new school which he’s not going to be a part of.

NeedToChangeName · 29/04/2024 07:49

Discrimination 😂

Caravaggiouch · 29/04/2024 07:51

YABU for “mumma bear mode” 🙄

MinervaMcGonagallsCat · 29/04/2024 07:55

We’re telling him he is going to school too

This a mistake. Don't lie to him He's not going to school. A nursery teacher or friend is likely to correct him at some point leading to confusion as to why mum has told him something different.

I think the current nursery could include him as a 'leaver' of the nursery but he's not going to school so I understand their point too.

VulvaArmy · 29/04/2024 07:58

@MintFinch

We’re telling him he is going to school

You have decided to tell your child a lie (for no good reason)- that’s your choice but you can’t expect everyone else to alter reality to fit into it.

He isn’t going to school- he has another year of nursery pre school so the leavers activities aren’t appropriate for him.

Are you also expecting the new nursery to play along and pretend he is in reception for the next year?

Where is that going to end?!

You need to help your son deal with reality- his friends are older and going to school and he isn’t. If he is sad then teach him to process that.

MississippiAF · 29/04/2024 08:17

Also, unless it’s private and you are already registered, what are you going to do if your DC doesn’t get a place at the school he thinks he’s already attending

ExcitedButNervous0424 · 29/04/2024 08:25

And just to add on to what others are saying, in the school my children go to the pre-schoolers don’t have contact with those in Reception. They are in the building next to them and so probably physically see them at break times, but they have separate play grounds and don’t mix with each other.

Don’t you think your son will wonder why he’s not going to be with any of his friends seeing as you’ve given the impression he’s going to school like they are?

Effectively you are taking him away from a venue he’s familiar with, away from staff and children he already knows, to place him somewhere new where he won’t know anyone.

And you’re doing all this based on a lie too.

Fair enough move him if you are doing it for reasons other than him being with his friends, but you need to be honest with him that he isn’t starting school and he isn’t going to be seeing his friends or spending time with them either.

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 29/04/2024 08:28

Oh god OP you’re absolutely ridiculous. The entire universe doesn’t revolve around you and your kid, I’m amazed you thought it did tbh but I guess there is always one eh?!

NotaNorovirusFan · 29/04/2024 08:31

Why are you telling him he’s going to school if he’s not? I made a decision to give my ds the ‘advantage year’ (in Scotland) quite late in the year so he automatically went back a year at nursery and saw all his year group do the leavers activities and awards while he didn’t and he wasn’t particularly bothered by it because he knew he wasn’t going to school!

Excited101 · 29/04/2024 08:34

It’s very common for parents to refer to a formal nursery school, as school- I’ve come across it dozens of times! On that, you are NBU.

But from what people are saying you want him put with the children who are a year older, as they’re leaving for reception straight from the current nursery. That’s just a bit weird, why would you set him up for that? It’s nothing to do with him.

WhatsUnderneathTheClothesBrookeDavis · 29/04/2024 08:37

Excited101 · 29/04/2024 08:34

It’s very common for parents to refer to a formal nursery school, as school- I’ve come across it dozens of times! On that, you are NBU.

But from what people are saying you want him put with the children who are a year older, as they’re leaving for reception straight from the current nursery. That’s just a bit weird, why would you set him up for that? It’s nothing to do with him.

But she isn’t just casually referring to it as school; she’s actively telling her son that he’s starting school which is different. Also, taking him out of his current setting because (which is what it sounds like) his friends are going to that school this year, which will confuse him as to why he’s not seeing them and may not even get into that school anyway.

kezzykicks · 29/04/2024 08:38

When my dd finished pre school last year they had a ridiculous graduation ceremony, professional leaving photos, they had to say what they had loved about pre school and what they were looking forward to about school, they sang songs about starting school etc. it would be weird to do that if your child isn't starting school, wouldn't it? I can see why the nursery is saying that and really don't think your child will mind, he will get his chance next year.

ineedtostopbeingdramaticfirst · 29/04/2024 08:53

He's not in the correct year group. If they do it for you then they would have to make it available for any other children leaving before they start school. Which would probably make it impossible to offer in the first place.

Your seeing it as just one extra child but what your asking is for them to do something for you that they can't offer to everyone else.

Nothing wrong with asking but you are unreasonable to be put out by this

FrenchMustard · 29/04/2024 08:54

As someone with a child actually going to real school in September, I think YABU because you’re making the whole thing about your child who if they were staying at nursery would never have been involved anyway!!! Your whole post smacks of self importance to be honest. Don’t be a twat and start a war via email and taint the rest of your child’s time at their current nursery.

Also “discriminatory” - LOL