Woman keeps shouting at us to stop playing football

[WinkyTinky]

I've just come in from about 10 minutes kick about with my DS12. He likes me to play football with him, either in the garden or out on the path that runs past our house, and if course I love to do this with him. There is a tarmac square play area adjacent to the path which is just the right size for kicking the ball about. Kids from the street have played there over the years, but most of them have grown up now so it's only me and my son who play there, maximum of half an hour on a Sunday. Our garden is soaking wet so the path is the best place to get out at the moment.

Anyway, an older lady lives down on the next street and her house looks into this path. Every time we play there she comes to her upstairs window and shouts "Hoi! Clear off!" within minutes of us starting to play. We are as quiet as possible, and quite honestly she could have to deal with a lot worse than this. Normally, if anyone complained, I would stop immediately and go somewhere else, but having spoken to other neighbours, she has done this to their kids going back 30 years. Their advice to me (who don't mind at all us playing) is to ignore her and carry on.

I would do this, although reluctantly as I am very much a people pleaser and hate the thought of upsetting or inconveniencing anyone, but my son is so upset about it he just says let's go in. It takes me some time to persuade him to go out at all now, he's so wary of her, and I'm really annoyed that she's spoiling our very small bit of fun and fresh air.

Are we in the wrong by playing here? Or is she out of order to shout at us every time? Just to point out, there are no "no ball game" signs around, and I have even checked with a local councillor that we are ok to play there. How do I deal with her? I obviously don't want to have a go at an old lady, but surely she can allow kids to play quietly for a short time?

Why can't he also spend time doing something he likes with his mother? There's no suggestion in the OP that DS has no friends and never spends time with anyone beyond his immediate family.

Maybe she's afraid that it won't be just 30 mins a week, she thinks it will become every day? I'd put a note through her door saying it's once a week and I expect she'll be happier.

We used to be able to go to playing fields down the road but these have been closed off now to the public. The golf course up the road where we could go and use the pitch and putt has been sold off for housing. So apart from the garden which isn't massive, the path is the only place to play. Until a few years ago there were two boys who would play there morning til night, it was a bit noisy but I'd rather have kids playing out than not. Is it because we're quiet we're easy targets for a telling off? The other boys never seemed to get any reaction from her.

And yes, me and my son love playing out together. I've got some decent skills for a 40 something mum, and whenever anyone walks past they always have a smile and a kind comment about us showing off our skills! Just this one woman is ruining it for him.

'Oh, it's not for too much longer. Once he's a teenager, the park will be great for smoking and drinking with his mates' and walk off with a wink of the eye..😅

And she's been doing it for 30 years so nothing to do with her age now.

She’s probably worried that you guys will be the beginning of more children playing noisily outside the house, like it was before.

I think you should carry on though, it’s nice your son wants to play still!

@Whatevershallidowithmylife = as i mentioned - the arrival of cars and traffic onto residential roads and neighbourhoods has seen children effectively stop playiing outside their homes in most parts of the UK. I don't agree that this is how it should be - or that this was a wise way to allocate public space - and the harm done to children by losing all of this doorstep space is immeasurable .

Far easier and quicker to enjoy a 10 minute kick about before dinner on your own doorstep than have to be taken to the park/ go to the park - parks are important - but where it's possible we need to support children's play close to their own homes.

Who gave cars the right to the space? It wasn't a decision we ever got to debate as a society was it?

@WinkyTinky = as you point out - huge areas of public space have been lost to housing/ development as well as traffic. hold on to your bit of play space!

What an odd reply!

My 17yo still plays badminton with me. Should we stop doing things with our DC once they reach 12??

This is an ideal teaching opportunity for your son to not be a push over. Explain to him that you've checked with the local councillor, you're allowed to play there. And unfortunately there's just some people who will moan at everything. Give him that confidence that he can play

It's a play area, it's what it's for. You're not doing anything wrong, whether you're there for 30 mins or 3 hours.

Shout back - just 'no' would do. Or even 'it's a play area, it's what it's for!'

Sounds like if she doesn't bother other people that she thinks you're a soft target, if you stand up to her, she'll probably leave you alone.

Maybe the ball noise is annoying, but you're not bouncing it off her house or playing in a car park, I'd definitely think someone doing that was unreasonable. It's a designated play area ffs, if you can't play there, where can you?! If she doesn't want to hear children playing she should have considered that before choosing a house next to a play area.

I’m a moany old cow and I loathe the thump thump thump of a ball. You get like that when you’ve had 30 years of it. You mustn’t ask them to stop cos then you have to have a fight with one of the parents.

This!

Take your kid to a sports park , where they are meant to play sports not in the street .

And a perfect opportunity for him to learn respect for others. Not everyone wants a ball kicked about

Your mistakes are:

a) people pleasing

b) thinking that because of her age, you shouldn’t “upset” her.

this is a person who doesn’t give a shit about upsetting your kid and rudely telling you to clear off with no reason or authority. She’s a selfish, nasty cow, regardless of age. She’s been doing this for years and years so it’s not like she’s recovering from illness etc - she’s simply a selfish, rude, mean cow.

id go round, ring the bell and politely inform her that you’ve checked with the council and that ball games are allowed in that area and that she needs to stop calling out of the window. If she pushes back, I’d tell her I’d report her for harassing you and your child.

This!

I imagine the sports park isn’t right outside OP’s door. She’s checked with a council person. It’s fine to do.

But you live in a community. You need to move to somewhere isolated if you don’t want kids playing with balls, in places where it’s allowed of course.

Sorry, where are these "sports parks"?

Nothing like that were we live, certainly not in walking distance. Can you give us an example??

So stop being a people pleaser and be blunt with her. Tell her to back off. You are doing no harm and are not being inconsiderate if you aren't bouncing the ball off people's walls and are keeping it to half an hour each week (and provided that there are no signs up forbidding ball games).

She isn't used to anyone challenging her, I bet. She's probably always had her own way and has become a bit of a hectoring bully with it. She probably won't know where to put herself if someone does challenge her, so do it.

She has. To the 'square tarmac play area' outside OPs house.

If neighbours at the theoretical 'sports park' were complaining about balls being kicked would you think the sports would have to stop there too?

If not, why? Why is one area designated for play OK to play in and another not?

What games do you think a square tarmac play area is intended for if not ball sports?

Our nearest sports park is a 15 minute drive away. Hardly practical for a quick kick about.

Our opposite neighbour is kicking a ball around outside right now. With windows closed and to on I can hardly hear him. Kids make noise - as long as it’s not early/late in the day then people have to put up with it.

sounds like a lovely relationship/activity to me

It's a play area where they are meant to play!