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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was I rude to this lady?

186 replies

Patchymum · 28/04/2024 17:43

I got on a bus yesterday with my DD who is six. She was wearing a backpack with not much in it so it was very light. The bus was quite full, mostly with older people who were sitting near the front. My DD sat down quickly next to an elderly woman as the bus was moving off and she was already getting jolted about. As she sat down I was saying "be careful with your backpack" but as the words were leaving my mouth the bag very lightly bumped the lady on the arm, literally just stroked it. She snatched her arm away, tutted loudly and gave my DD the filthiest look, like she was shit on her shoe.
Had she not done this, the next words out of my mouth would definitely have been an apology but instead I said "she's six years old, she didn't mean it" in a firm voice which I didn't raise.
At the next stop, her and her husband moved seatsto a few rows back but the entire 20 minute journey they both stared at me and DD with horrible sneery mouths, looked us up and down, whispered to each other and shook their heads. I also noticed another man sat near us thar kept looking from me to DD and shaking his head like we were doing something wrong. When we got off the bus I looked back and saw them both staring at us out of the window with the same expressions.
Was I rude or did they over-react?
I've always been very hot on manners with my kids so now I'm worried I set a bad example.

OP posts:
Rosestulips · 28/04/2024 17:46

They were odd and rude, you were not at all. not sure why you didn’t sit on the free seats behind though

raspberryberet7 · 28/04/2024 17:46

They over reacted I would've given them a cheerful smile and wave as I left the bus!

FuzzyPuffling · 28/04/2024 17:48

I wonder what her take on the story would sound like?

I think your DD should have taken her backpack off before she sat down, and held it on her lap.

GreyCarpet · 28/04/2024 17:48

Seriously, OP.

What do you think?

Patchymum · 28/04/2024 17:48

Rosestulips · 28/04/2024 17:46

They were odd and rude, you were not at all. not sure why you didn’t sit on the free seats behind though

The bus was moving off before we could sit down and DD was getting jolted about so chose the nearest seat.

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 28/04/2024 17:48

They did over react but equally if there were free seats it would have been normal practice for you to have sat next to your child.

Some children (and adults for that matter) don't handle backpacks very well and I've taken a few thwaps myself so the elderly lady was probably worried your child would (accidentally) hurt her.

StrawberrySquash · 28/04/2024 17:49

From your take it sounds like they overreacted. But why did you spend the rest of the journey focusing on them? That's not helpful for your own head or theirs.

toomanyy · 28/04/2024 17:49

Had she not done this, the next words out of my mouth would definitely have been an apology but instead I said "she's six years old, she didn't mean it" in a firm voice which I didn't raise.

YABU. Your daughter did jostle her and you don’t know, it could have been harder than you thought.

You should have apologised.

You sound like the people who justify their kids kicking the seat in front because ‘they don’t mean it’.

BobbyBiscuits · 28/04/2024 17:50

If they moved behind you how do you know they were staring with sneery mouths, unless you were looking at them also? Maybe you weren't smiling? They sound horrid, but I would've just mumbled 'sorry' after the backpack touched her arm, then totally ignored and forgot about them.

CamoPenguin · 28/04/2024 17:50

I don't think anyone could honestly say you were unreasonable. It was a huge overreaction and she was rude, and nasty.

OhHelloMiss · 28/04/2024 17:50

FuzzyPuffling · 28/04/2024 17:48

I wonder what her take on the story would sound like?

I think your DD should have taken her backpack off before she sat down, and held it on her lap.

This!!

noctilucentcloud · 28/04/2024 17:51

From your account they over-reacted, but the bump may have been harder than you thought or startled her. Even if it was a small brush, I think you should've still apologised - you say sorry if you accidently bump into someone or catch them with your bag - that'd of been a good thing to teach your child.

Boomer55 · 28/04/2024 17:51

BobbyBiscuits · 28/04/2024 17:50

If they moved behind you how do you know they were staring with sneery mouths, unless you were looking at them also? Maybe you weren't smiling? They sound horrid, but I would've just mumbled 'sorry' after the backpack touched her arm, then totally ignored and forgot about them.

This. How could you see passengers sat behind you, unless you were facing them?🤔

OhHelloMiss · 28/04/2024 17:51

Why did a separate passenger ALSO get offended?

Patchymum · 28/04/2024 17:52

BobbyBiscuits · 28/04/2024 17:50

If they moved behind you how do you know they were staring with sneery mouths, unless you were looking at them also? Maybe you weren't smiling? They sound horrid, but I would've just mumbled 'sorry' after the backpack touched her arm, then totally ignored and forgot about them.

The seats at the front face the back

OP posts:
Rosestulips · 28/04/2024 17:53

Patchymum · 28/04/2024 17:48

The bus was moving off before we could sit down and DD was getting jolted about so chose the nearest seat.

I wouldn’t worry about it then. The husband and wife should have sat together if they didn’t want a lovely little girl sat next to one of them, some elderly people are weird towards children.

BIWI · 28/04/2024 17:53

Why does her age matter?

hourstokill · 28/04/2024 17:53

yes you were rude! i have not read all the comments, but you admitted that normally you would have apologised, yet you didn't.

for all you know this elderly lady may have had a bad arm? your daughter did jostle her, and may have been harder than you think.

no wonder people were looking at you funny they way you reacted

MissyB1 · 28/04/2024 17:53

The first word out of your mouth should have been “sorry” but instead you went on the attack.

Rosestulips · 28/04/2024 17:54

toomanyy · 28/04/2024 17:49

Had she not done this, the next words out of my mouth would definitely have been an apology but instead I said "she's six years old, she didn't mean it" in a firm voice which I didn't raise.

YABU. Your daughter did jostle her and you don’t know, it could have been harder than you thought.

You should have apologised.

You sound like the people who justify their kids kicking the seat in front because ‘they don’t mean it’.

Jostle 😂

behave

BeyondMyWits · 28/04/2024 17:56

They may have over reacted. A quick apology rather than trying to justify and minimise it would probably have helped.
As in "sweetheart, you hit the lady with your bag... what do you say?"

IncognitoUsername · 28/04/2024 17:56

They over reacted but you or daughter should have apologised straight away

Moveoverdarlin · 28/04/2024 17:56

Glad you called her out. You weren’t rude at all. She’s just pissy you spotted her tutt.

GlitchStitch · 28/04/2024 17:57

If she was elderly she might have felt quite vulnerable to bumps and bruises. You should have just said sorry, or got your daughter to. The dirty looks were probably because of your response.

YoureStuckOnMeLikeATattoohoohoo · 28/04/2024 17:57

You should have apologised.

From her perspective your child bumped into her, then you had a go.

No wonder she was annoyed.