Was I rude to this lady?

[Patchymum]

I got on a bus yesterday with my DD who is six. She was wearing a backpack with not much in it so it was very light. The bus was quite full, mostly with older people who were sitting near the front. My DD sat down quickly next to an elderly woman as the bus was moving off and she was already getting jolted about. As she sat down I was saying "be careful with your backpack" but as the words were leaving my mouth the bag very lightly bumped the lady on the arm, literally just stroked it. She snatched her arm away, tutted loudly and gave my DD the filthiest look, like she was shit on her shoe.
Had she not done this, the next words out of my mouth would definitely have been an apology but instead I said "she's six years old, she didn't mean it" in a firm voice which I didn't raise.
At the next stop, her and her husband moved seatsto a few rows back but the entire 20 minute journey they both stared at me and DD with horrible sneery mouths, looked us up and down, whispered to each other and shook their heads. I also noticed another man sat near us thar kept looking from me to DD and shaking his head like we were doing something wrong. When we got off the bus I looked back and saw them both staring at us out of the window with the same expressions.
Was I rude or did they over-react?
I've always been very hot on manners with my kids so now I'm worried I set a bad example.

Your daughter's bag hit an old lady OF COURSE you should have apologised regardless of anything else.

Ageism is what I was referring to. And I'm old, I wear purple a lot, and bang my stick along the railings.

Someone will get it.

But you didn't give her age. You just described her as 'elderly'. Only later on did you suggest that she might be older than 80. Following on from other posters' posts.

Your daughter's age was obviously relevant, as you were portraying her as an innocent child.

Of course people have different upbringings and experiences. But I don't think in this case that's at all relevant. Your daughter - totally unwittingly, I get that - hit this woman on the arm. And you have done everything you can to make it about the woman rather than your daughter. And blamed it on the woman for being old.

So many posts on Mumsnet seek to blame older women. It's just not acceptable. It's ageist.

I think you sound a bit paranoid and over thinking. You don’t know that anything they were doing was about you. Beyond the tutt, the rest is all your own fabrication. You’re getting very carried away. I clicked imagining someone swore or was saying stuff. Literally nothing obvious

YABU

You don't know how hard your DD hurt her. She could have been ND. Im autistic and even a light touch would bother me.

Agree with PP who says adults and children don't realise how problematic their backpacks are.

I do understand that, I meant that they know to take it off before getting on.

Anyhow, no harm done, I really wouldn't dwell on it a moment longer.

She may have over-reacted but you really should have shown your daughter a good example by apologising regardless.
You don't know if it may have hurt the woman, sometimes something that seems innocuous can catch you wrongly and hurt more than expected but, instead of being pleasant you went on the attack. What kind of example is that to a child?
I suspect that, if you had apologised, the aftermath would have been far less unpleasant for all concerned too.

Yep, me too.

All these people saying OP's child might have hurt her.. she didn't grab her arm and say "ow" or similar, did she? She tutted and glared at a child. She was clearly just grumpy at being accidently touched. Which is silly because it's public transport and shit like this happens all the time.

They're miserable fucks but their lives are probably pretty sad and small, so I wouldn't overthink it

Februaryfeels
Of course it was awful to tut before she pulled her arm away, the op’s dd didn’t push her arm out of the way, she accidentally hit against her!!!

Oh stop it. I didn't know her age, did I? So I gave her age bracket. I've explained why it's relevant and it obviously was relevant as other posters have found it relevant.

At no point have I "blamed it on the woman for being old" I simply gave all the information. I also said that she was a woman. I've said that she had a husband. You haven't said I am blaming it on her sex or her marital status.
You obviously have a bee in your bonnet about this "elderly" thing and I suspect its entirely down to your own issues so I wpuld suggest you go deal with them instead of accusing me of ageism despite my perfectly reasonable explanation that others agree with. Noone here is agreeing with you because you are being completly unnecessary.

Oh and by the way, you actually have no idea how old I am. Have you assumed I am young be arsed I have a child? Bit ageist.

There just seems to be such a disapproving anti-child / anti-baby out in public attitude. Regardless, I'd likely have said to my child, "Mummy said be careful darling. Let's say Sorry, please."
And given my sunniest smile. 😁

Agree, this poster seems a bit batshit and is massively projecting own issues

At no point have I "blamed it on the woman for being old" I simply gave all the information. I also said that she was a woman. I've said that she had a husband. You haven't said I am blaming it on her sex or her marital status.
You obviously have a bee in your bonnet about this "elderly" thing and I suspect its entirely down to your own issues so I wpuld suggest you go deal with them instead of accusing me of ageism despite my perfectly reasonable explanation that others agree with. Noone here is agreeing with you because you are being completly unnecessary.

My reply to you didn't suggest that you were either male or female. Both sexes can be as ageist as each other.

However, absolutely I have a 'bee in my bonnet' about ageist things, because it's totally inappropriate and unnecessary. You have been absolutely ageist in your account of what happened. Why on earth would you raise the issue of the woman's marital status?! I didn't!

Oh and by the way, you actually have no idea how old I am. Have you assumed I am young be arsed I have a child? Bit ageist.

No. Why would I? I haven't assumed any age.

God, ignore the posters who claim its "ageism". I think its relevant to the post and in my experience its always older people who are the least tolerant of small children on public transport.

With that said, I do think you should have apologised / told your child to apologise to the lady, it obviously upset her and if you noticed it, it's the polite thing to do.

Not posters, just one poster.

@Rosestulips batshit? Thank you.

And yes, I suppose I do have issues. I really, really despise posts that are ageist. Just as I despise those that are racist, sexist and homophobic. How about you?

I despise posts that are ageist too, that's why I don't make ageist posts.

I completly agree that the elderly, the disabled etc get priority seating at the front of the bus. However if there is noone more in need that needs the seat, its perfectly fine to occupy it. We would have moved if a more in need person got on, for sure.
We sat there because DD needed to sit down quickly as she nearly fell over due to the bus moving off quickly. We stayed because there was no immediate reason to move.

Yep you were rude. If the bus surged and your child fell it isn't an excuse to land on someone else, it is the reason but not an excuse.

Ypu should have apologised OR at 6 frankly your child should have known to.

Fall onto someone, no matter how lightly or how disgruntled tbe person is you say sorry. You / your child is in the wrong.

At 6 your child should have sufficient manors and comprehension to apologise herself, but as she didn't you should have.

No but the woman didn't say that either. The OP decided she was giving her dirty looks and instead of apologising basically told the woman off.

Fall onto someone, no matter how lightly or how disgruntled tbe person is you say sorry. You / your child is in the wrong.At 6 your child should have sufficient manors and comprehension to apologise
Maybe if that had actually happened an apology would have been forthcoming? As the dd didn't fall onto anyone, it's irrelevant!

Of course you could have apologised. She moved her arm, how did that stop you apologising. She tutted, well she was probably taken by surprise and made a noise, not a big deal. You interpret her looking at your child a certain way, maybe she was just looking at her. You talk about her staring at you for 20 minutes, well you wouldn't know if you weren't staring at her.

Your child bumped into someone, just apologise and move on. You are making a whole drama of it.