Was I rude to this lady?

[Patchymum]

I got on a bus yesterday with my DD who is six. She was wearing a backpack with not much in it so it was very light. The bus was quite full, mostly with older people who were sitting near the front. My DD sat down quickly next to an elderly woman as the bus was moving off and she was already getting jolted about. As she sat down I was saying "be careful with your backpack" but as the words were leaving my mouth the bag very lightly bumped the lady on the arm, literally just stroked it. She snatched her arm away, tutted loudly and gave my DD the filthiest look, like she was shit on her shoe.
Had she not done this, the next words out of my mouth would definitely have been an apology but instead I said "she's six years old, she didn't mean it" in a firm voice which I didn't raise.
At the next stop, her and her husband moved seatsto a few rows back but the entire 20 minute journey they both stared at me and DD with horrible sneery mouths, looked us up and down, whispered to each other and shook their heads. I also noticed another man sat near us thar kept looking from me to DD and shaking his head like we were doing something wrong. When we got off the bus I looked back and saw them both staring at us out of the window with the same expressions.
Was I rude or did they over-react?
I've always been very hot on manners with my kids so now I'm worried I set a bad example.

Bus wankers.

I think you knew you were in the wrong. Sometimes, when we know we’re wrong we get defensive and we don’t react as we should. We lash out.

You were being rushed to sit down, the bus had left, you weren’t steady and your daughter was about to fall. You were already flustered and then you were telling her to be careful but it was too late. You know your daughter has done wrong, which is why you would have normally apologised. Instead you saw the woman’s glare and got defensive and lashed out.

It’s not an overreaction on her part. If someone sits too close to you on public transport, you’re going to glare at them. If you encroach on their space, you’re going to get glared at. No matter whether that’s a backpack catching your arm, your coat in their space. That’s the same for any age. The overreaction is from you, I think because you were flustered getting on the bus and it moving off and not having enough time to tell your DD to be careful. So you do look really rude because to every other passenger, you’ve not told your daughter to be careful, flung yourselves down next to an older couple. Then when she tutted and gave you a look, so didn’t verbally do anything, you lashed out with “she’s only six” and therefore the insinuation that it’s fine to bump into people because she’s young.

No, the way she was treated by not receiving an apology.

I’d have said much worse, but I am an arse

Of course you should have apologised.

It sounds like a lot of over-reacting all round, but what you said to the woman was rude and that’s probably what irritated the other passenger.

Still, no real harm done - no need to worry about it.

You unsettled the settled

She didn't give me a chance to apologise.

You didn't have time for a one word "Sorry" but you did have time for "She's six, she didn't mean it"? The moving seats/20 minutes of dirty looks was probably more of a reaction to you than your DD. Maybe her initial reaction was OTT but it's not like she shouted or even said anything.

Well OP you’re telling it from your biased side. A backpack stroking someone’s arm would be unlikely to get that reaction so that coupled with you knowing you had to warn your child means it probably hit the woman harder than you’re letting on.

If another person not known to either of you was shaking their head at you then maybe that’s a sign the way you spoke to her was unnecessary and it was loud enough/had a tone to it that got others around to hear/notice it.

They just sound like horrible, rude, sneery people and I've had stared them down if they'd been giving me dirty looks.

You should have given them the middle finger. I would!!!

No I don’t think you did anything wrong, people really do expect children to act like little adults and be silent and respectful etc etc. It’s quite depressing really!

We went on a bus today with my 3 children and I’m sure they were louder than most people would appreciate, despite my reminders of keeping their voices down. But you know what they’re young and excited and I’m getting to the point where I don’t give a shit what anyone else thinks because they’d find a problem whatever I did!

Your take on the story they are obviously unreasonable but they may have a different story

Maybe there was a reason why her arm was particularly sensitive and your daughter caused her real pain? It's quite hard to hide those sort of feelings. I really don't understand why you didn't apologise.

This. This is what you should have said . Who cares if she's 6? Now sure what relevance that has.

OP's interpretation of the woman's expression is doing an awful lot of heavy lifting here. For all any of us know, the woman could just have resting bitch face and the whole thing is massively exaggerated by OP.

Bullshit do people constantly protect something like an arthritic arm by holding it. It's impossible to function like that.

I'd have gone the other way
"Oh my goodness, are you hurt dear, are you ok? Can I get something for you? I am so very sorry"
then to DD in a stage whisper "You must be more careful. When people get very old they often have conditions that make things hurt a lot more than you would expect."
Then back to the old woman "I am so so sorry, can I get you anything. Are you ok" very kind patronising smile.

YABU only because I would have moved myself and my child further down the bus at the next appropriate opportunity rather than maintain a seat at the front. That may have formed part of the tutting from the couple. I agree that it sounds like she overreacted to the initial accidental contact though.

I detest buses for moving off before people are seated, particularly for the vulnerable and elderly as its such an avoidable risk.

Why were her and her husband sitting separately? Odd they were sat apart, then sat together further back….

I had a little one run in the back of trolly bag on his scooter bike.
I gave No dirty looks just oohh you ok little man.
Mum comes running with shouting as she runs im so sorry sorry about that.
I just stood smiling no harm done his he ok.
And off he went again.
And a girl about you childs age nearly fell over on a bus i was on i grabbed her her dad said oh thank you he had a lot of bags.
Told him you need a trolly bag nice chat with him and on my way i went.
Im soft tho love a nit nat .

I reckon it was probably because there were seats further back and the seats at the front are for elderly people. You should have sat further back. What looked like a light touch to you could have felt much harder on her delicate skin. Sitting in the seats for elderly/disabled people and not even saying a sorry when you bumped an old woman is why the other passengers were annoyed

Not rude enough

I don't think you were particularly rude, just stating a fact, I think she was rather rude

I would have probably done the same

Sometimes I think though, wouldn't it be nice if I was the kind of person who always saw the good in people and managed to empathise with the lady and turn the situation round. But then I think, I'm glad I'm the kind of person who stands up for my daughter and shows her how to stand up for herself.

Older, elderly, fussy, grumpy hmmmm. Don't get old anyone, anytime soon ya hear me?

Most people have the luck to get old/elderly, doesn't mean you have to become grumpy and fussy!

She’s a mean-spirited cow OP. You know that so don’t let people on here validate her nasty behaviour to your DD. I’d say you should have ignored her but I would have done exactly the same.

What I would say is that maybe she was depressed or in pain. No one happy reacts in that way. A happy person would have smiled and said “Hello darling” to your DD or something like that. It isn’t an excuse but I find it helps me to think like that so that I don’t react.