How to get son's girlfriend out of my house

[55goingon15]

I'm a single mother, long-time poster but changed names for this. My DS, in his early 20s has moved his girlfriend in with us. I didn't mind much at first but now I realise what a huge mistake it's been.

We had yet another row yesterday over their untidiness and general lack of care (e.g. forgetting to lock the front door after coming in late on Friday night) and she called me all sorts of horrible, unrepeatable names and I don't know what to do. They have been living here free of charge for several months and I have had enough of her selfish ways and her attitude. She also vapes/smokes weed and has got my son into it which I really don't like in my house.

I want her to go, but obviously I don't really want my son to go with her. They are both in minimum wage type jobs so don't earn a lot, but they don't even contribute by washing up after I have cooked a meal. What is the best way to approach this? Unfortunately she winds me up and it ends up in a shouting match, with my son supporting her and with me telling them to get out. They ignore me and are still in my house. What can do? Obviously I am not strong enough to physically throw them out and anyway I do worry about my son's state of mind as he has some history of violent outbursts.

Remind them it us your house then just kick her out along with your freelancing son if necessary. Get a trusted friend to support you.

"My DS when not with the GF is lovely to me and my other DC and he does a lot of useful things (e.g. mowing the lawn/taking bins out etc)."

I wondered if youve ever tried pointing this out to him. Sort of mentioning how different his attitude is towards you when he isn't with her. Might plant a seed and make him think.

As they are treating your home like a hotel and you as their maid, tell them you want rent money. Make it a price they cannot afford so they decide to leave. If they say they cannot afford rent, then tell them they have to do a ridiculous amount of chores to help out. Hopefully they will choose to leave.

Posessions in bin liner on the pavement outside and change the locks.

£20,820 is apparently the min wage for a year ( according to Gov.uk website ) for over 21 year olds - working 35 hours a week.

so they are on £41,000

yes they can afford to rent somewhere and pay utilities, they can choose what they rent - if they wish to have more disposable income then they may wish to rent in a shared property.

Life is often about choices...

There’s not many parents that would put up with this.Your son and girlfriend aren’t living in the real world, being completely dependent and living off you and not contributing a bean!
Then to top it all, speaking to you like rubbish and expecting you to pick up after them.
Completely understand this is a really difficult situation for you and you’re worried about confrontation, one way, could be, write a letter to them, saying it’s not working out, there’s too many arguments and it’s getting you down, they need to start looking for somewhere else to live.You will help as much as you can with this, by going to the Citzens advice with them (who are really good at accessing help and support)I understand they’re on low incomes, this is why accessing the right advice is so important.
They would need to contact their local council, to say they’re going to be potentially homeless, if they can’t find somewhere to rent together, that they can afford (that’s the harsh reality, but they are going to have to face this)Also be realistic they would be looking at a bed sit/studio flat.
As we know social housing waiting lists are long, so alternatively, the council letting team l think it’s called, would be able to help find them a private tenancy, that they could afford, they would have to disclose their financial situation first though, they would then get financial help towards the bond.
Don’t beat yourself up, because in the long run this really is the best solution.

Hopefully she will fall out with him once she's not freeloading inside your house, she may take him with her for a while but he should see the light eventually.

OP, a relative ended up in a similar situation to you.

Son first moved his girlfriend in (now wife), made her life a misery, acted as if it was his house and she was in the way until things got so unpleasant they moved into a caravan in the land behind the house.

It didn't get much better and she pretty much lost the use of her own land as she was treated as an intruder if she so much as attempted to hang out washing on her own line.
Eventually, as she became frailer, with their kids now living in the caravan too because this has gone on for years, raised to show nothing but contempt for the home owner who they all took to referring to as 'the squatter' they started taking over the house again.

Over time, they drove away her friends by making everyone so uncomfortable they stopped visiting.
Her other kids got sick and tired of her refusal to throw her son out because then he'd be homeless and gave up because there was nothing they could do to help.

Her life now is utterly miserable, she is isolated and treated like shit in her own home.
They regularly (even her grandchildren, and the oldest of them has now left full time education) tell her to hurry up and die because she is hogging the bedroom the son and his wife want.
She spends hours sat in her room which is the only place she is let really use any more, on the phone in tears to anyone who will listen.
I think at her now advanced age (she's in her 90s), she is genuinely afraid to confront them.

Still, she won't throw him out or let anyone else do it because he is her son.
She also says he isn't so bad to her when his wife and children aren't there too.

Dream on if you think having this toxic girl and your son in a caravan in the garden is going to make anything okay.

@55goingon15
I hope you can heed the words of@HumanRightsAreHumanRights
I think the girlfriend already has you marked out as a soft touch and is biding her time until she can take over your house again.
I completely understand why you want to help your son and his girlfriend, but at the same time I think you are a soft touch in her eyes and she will exploit you.
As soon as she feels you weaken she will be in there, as soon as you relax she will tighten her grip. You're not getting any younger, she is looking to usurp you.

Can't you not cook for them and let their washing up pile up in the sink, so she will either get fed up and move out or do more housework?
Druggies are rarely stable or reliable, even with weed, in my experience.

Oh heck, OP - please don't put up with this any longer. I haven't read the whole thread, but I assume this horrible gf has got parents or relations of her own? She can go to them - she won't be homeless. It might concentrate her and your son's minds about getting a place of their own - it depends on how much they want to be together, doesn't it?

This won't end well if you just cave in.

Tell him you were glad to help out with his girlfriend moving in if she was going to be nice and respectful, but she's taking advantage and you don't like dope smoking in your house. Also say that he's an adult who's able to get his own place to live how he likes.

This is a cross border question where joint family system still prevails. But with times changing, I’d appreciate some new light on an age old family crisis please…. would appreciate some thoughts…

My parents are in their mid 70’s and have always lived a very comfortable, independent life. We are two siblings, I live here in London, married with one child. My brother lives in India with my parents and his wife. He’s been married for a decade but only just started living with my parents since last four years as they moved back to my home town after having lived in SA for the initial time. All was going well until my mum and dad started expecting some things from the daughter in law and my brother in terms of family etiquettes. My brother and sister in law would frequent her parents every weekend while my parents would just be waiting to see them or spend time together. My sister in law would also not help out in the house or look out for my parents but started using the house more like a hotel. This started disrupting the home life and my brother has left the house with a bang now living in compromised accomodation with two kids. Although, my parents have tried to apologise to them by saying that they don’t expect them to change their ways, I feel he’s pushed it too far by making them visit him to see the kids when he’s been nothing but insulting to them everytime they visit him and has not returned in two years to check on my parents or have kept in touch with them, meanwhile both my parents have deteriorated physically and my mum has now even become house bound because of her acute arthritis and bad knees. My father has had a heart attack too.
what do you all think should be the right way forward? Appease my brother (who I think is just being a spoilt brat) and beg him to return so my parents get the young support they need and they don’t loose the son either or stop visiting him and let him come to some realisations too.

55goingon15
Dear OP I understand your suffering, and how difficult it is to just chuck them out and put their belongings outside. Not sure that is legal. Could they sue for damages or the cost of things they never had?

There is another way. If you could find out more about the GF it might be that she is known to the police, or social services, and if so, then they would be the people to ask for help. If she has a police record, that could work in your favour, especially if it includes drug use. She might even have been charged at some time with physical abuse, or affray, or unlawful demonstration, or have a mental illness that makes her aggressive. It would put a different slant on things and bring in more authorities to help you.

If you have to, hire a private detective, but make sure they are members of their professional body, and don't give them money up front. They can take it all and then say they couldn't find anything out. That is another way of people obtaining money by deception. Having said that, if you can find a decent detective who finds anything that might help you get rid, then it is worth it.

Also, when she learns that you have hired a private detective, she might just up and leave if she or her relatives have a dodgy background.

take a photo of her mess and a video of her abuse, and add it to her social pages

stop cooking for them

@Hommegirl

You need to start a thread of your own.

Your question is not going to get spotted amongst the replies to the OP.

Some of this OP's already said. The couple ignored it. What is the point of people telling the OP to keep tip-toeing around them? They. Are. Users.

She needs to get them out (but she won't).

Your son is 20+, working a minimum wage job and clearly going nowhere. Kick both out or he will never change and she certainly doesn't deserve to live rent free.

My brother had a gf like this, even got him arrested. My parents wouldn't kick her out out of fear of upsetting him and worry that he would go into a further downward spiral, but that happened anyway and he had to pull himself up.

The amount of daydreams I had about going over there, grabbing that bitch by the hair and throwing her out were many, to say the least.

ZOMBIE THREAD

How to get her out of the house? Quick answer: The same way she got in, through the front door and lock it behind her

No one is making you read it.

actually I do wonder if they are still living in the caravan in the garden, or if they managed to move back into the house...

@55goingon15

or maybe they have moved out completely...

For those that asked for an update: They are still in the caravan with no access to the house. They keep to themselves and haven't caused any trouble. I still have a good relationship with my son but don't speak to the GF at all. Apparently the caravan is leaking but there is no way i will let them back into the house! They make a small financial contribution to cover electricity etc.