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Original poster

How to get son's girlfriend out of my house

358 replies

55goingon15 · 28/04/2024 14:57

I'm a single mother, long-time poster but changed names for this. My DS, in his early 20s has moved his girlfriend in with us. I didn't mind much at first but now I realise what a huge mistake it's been.

We had yet another row yesterday over their untidiness and general lack of care (e.g. forgetting to lock the front door after coming in late on Friday night) and she called me all sorts of horrible, unrepeatable names and I don't know what to do. They have been living here free of charge for several months and I have had enough of her selfish ways and her attitude. She also vapes/smokes weed and has got my son into it which I really don't like in my house.

I want her to go, but obviously I don't really want my son to go with her. They are both in minimum wage type jobs so don't earn a lot, but they don't even contribute by washing up after I have cooked a meal. What is the best way to approach this? Unfortunately she winds me up and it ends up in a shouting match, with my son supporting her and with me telling them to get out. They ignore me and are still in my house. What can do? Obviously I am not strong enough to physically throw them out and anyway I do worry about my son's state of mind as he has some history of violent outbursts.

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheets · 28/04/2024 15:01

Honestly - with your son being an adult - they leave -both of them.

The moment she spoke to you like that I would be calmly telling her it was unacceptable and she needed to leave - if he went with her that's his choice - he's 20+

They live rent free? That's daft as well - 2 adults earning and not contributing is not on.

I'd sit them down and give them a 2-3 week deadline - you would be so much happier without the stress

PussInBin20 · 28/04/2024 15:02

Just tell her it’s time to go. I mean what’s the alternative - that things stay just the same? 🤷‍♀️ you have two choices.

TheSnowyOwl · 28/04/2024 15:05

I would give her a date that she needs to be gone by. If she doesn’t, then change the locks and leave her belongings somewhere safe for her to collect (eg garage or garden shed). Call the police if she doesn’t go or is aggressive even collecting her belongings.

Personally I would also be asking my son to leave as well. It’s not doing him any favours to allow him to behave in such a way.

WarshipRocinante · 28/04/2024 15:05

Change the locks when they are out and leave their stuff outside.

Whatsitcalled38 · 28/04/2024 15:06

The best thing you could do for him is kick him out. Hie else is he going to learn his behaviour needs to change. Change the locks and tell them it her parents turn. They're treating you appallingly, they deserve more time to bully you

ItsAllMadness24 · 28/04/2024 15:07

Just tell them her staying is no longer working, she needs to pack her stuff up and go to her parents by tonight, say you are going out and will return at x time and she needs to be gone.

Eviebeans · 28/04/2024 15:07

Tell them that the girlfriend is no longer welcome and has to leave and mean it.
If he goes too it could be for the best. Be prepared to change the locks.

moderndilemma · 28/04/2024 15:07

Be clear and give them motice. Tell them it's not working for you, and they have 4 weeks to find themselves alternative accommodation. Does she have parents with a home she can return to? Where did she live before moving in with you.

You should have established some ground rules before allowing her to stay e.g. share of housework, doing their own washing, paying for food and bills, no smoking or vaping. Was your ds not doing this before she moved in? (or maybe he didn't live at home then?).

Of course your ds may well go with her, but if he stays, or returns home at some point you need to agree ground rules with him.

WhamBamThankU · 28/04/2024 15:09

You shouldn't be forced into shouting matches with anyone in your own home! How did she end up living there full time?

LittleGreenDragons · 28/04/2024 15:09

Tell her to go, she is no longer welcome in your home. If your son kicks off then tell him he needs to leave too. If both refuse then contact your local police and explain that you need help getting two abusive people out of your house. Because that is what they are, they are abusing you.

ICanFixHim · 28/04/2024 15:09

He'll almost certainly go with her and you need to hold firm and let him. Hopefully it won't last and he'll come back and sort his shit out.

FloofyBear · 28/04/2024 15:10

You need to be strong. Set out the rules and don't waiver.
Does she have a parental home she can go to, if so she needs to leave now/in x number of days. If she doesn't then spell it out to her, this isn't working, you need to find somewhere to move out to in x time. In the meantime they clear all their stuff up, do housework and contribute to food etc
See how she can live on her own!
DS - may go with her but he'll probably be back

theonlygirl · 28/04/2024 15:10

Change the locks. Under no circumstances does one of my kids' girlfriends call me names under my own roof. Honestly, I'd take her head off. He's early 20's. They both work, they can get a room in a shared house. They're taking the piss. People treat you the way you let them OP. I appreciate you don't want him to go, but he's being very disrespectful. To you, the woman who raised him as a single parent. You need to put a stop to it now. Find your anger.

Haydenn · 28/04/2024 15:10

Your son is an adult and is going to move out eventually anyway. Tell her to leave- I’d imagine her own parents have already put their foot down which is why she is at yours.

Your son will do one of two things either he will let her go and stay with you because he appreciates it’s cheaper. Or he will move out with her and a bit of financial responsibility might make them ease up on the weed

Grumpynan · 28/04/2024 15:10

Sit them both down and explain that you’re not happy and it’s obvious she isn’t either and it’s time for her to leave, you will probably find your son will too. Just make it clear it’s still his home, just that his gf isn’t happy and things need to change.

tbh with you I think you’ve made her too comfortable and she feels she can treat you how she likes and get away with it, probably believing you won’t kick them out and upset your son.

unfortunately your son leaving too is inevitable,

MFF2010 · 28/04/2024 15:12

4 weeks, she'd be getting 24 hours notice before the locks are changed and her crap was dumped on her parents doorstep, if your DA doesn't like it he can go too. You're not doing yourself any favours pandering to them 💐

cerisepanther73 · 28/04/2024 15:12

@55goingon15

You need to toughen up they are royally taking the piss out of you and treating your house like a hotel of some sort..

you should have told them straight away to have household ground rules and to obviously pay towards some rent,

They are just advantage of the situation in a selfish way..

Treelichen · 28/04/2024 15:12

I’d honestly throw them both out. Get the police involved if they refuse.

Stichintime · 28/04/2024 15:12

She has disrespected you in your own home. At this point I wouldn't sit down offering ultimatums, I doubt they will stick to anything. Inform her you're giving her 2 weeks to move, if she doesn't pack up her stuff and get the police to attend when it's time to collect. Tell the police you're afraid they will become abusive and violent.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 28/04/2024 15:13

Any son who doesn't have a problem with his GF abusing his mother needs to get out too.

"I won't be abused and disrespected in my own home, so you both need to leave. Now."

beAsensible1 · 28/04/2024 15:13

Tell them to leave, give them a months notice.

as they are living rent free and won’t contribute by treating your home or you with basic respect.

I can’t believe the audacity.

Mytholmroyd · 28/04/2024 15:13

theonlygirl · 28/04/2024 15:10

Change the locks. Under no circumstances does one of my kids' girlfriends call me names under my own roof. Honestly, I'd take her head off. He's early 20's. They both work, they can get a room in a shared house. They're taking the piss. People treat you the way you let them OP. I appreciate you don't want him to go, but he's being very disrespectful. To you, the woman who raised him as a single parent. You need to put a stop to it now. Find your anger.

This. As others have said if they won't leave when you ask you will have to change the locks.

Sweetcheesecake · 28/04/2024 15:13

I would just tell them straight it’s not working and she needs to leave. Does she have parents who she can live with?

BruFord · 28/04/2024 15:14

Yes, it’s time to ask her to leave. Perhaps give her two weeks notice and arrange to have your locks changed. I would definitely do this as a precaution.

Yes, she’ll probably kick off and so will your DS, but she’s a guest who’s outstayed her welcome. You can get the police involved if you have to.

ItsAllMadness24 · 28/04/2024 15:14

I wouldn't even give her weeks of notice after she's called you names and shouted at you in your own home. You wouldn't give an abusive partner that long to leave id tell her she needs to leave today, where she goes isn't your issue she's an adult and its her behaviour that's put her in this situation. Fuck putting up with it for weeks longer.

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