How to get son's girlfriend out of my house

[55goingon15]

I'm a single mother, long-time poster but changed names for this. My DS, in his early 20s has moved his girlfriend in with us. I didn't mind much at first but now I realise what a huge mistake it's been.

We had yet another row yesterday over their untidiness and general lack of care (e.g. forgetting to lock the front door after coming in late on Friday night) and she called me all sorts of horrible, unrepeatable names and I don't know what to do. They have been living here free of charge for several months and I have had enough of her selfish ways and her attitude. She also vapes/smokes weed and has got my son into it which I really don't like in my house.

I want her to go, but obviously I don't really want my son to go with her. They are both in minimum wage type jobs so don't earn a lot, but they don't even contribute by washing up after I have cooked a meal. What is the best way to approach this? Unfortunately she winds me up and it ends up in a shouting match, with my son supporting her and with me telling them to get out. They ignore me and are still in my house. What can do? Obviously I am not strong enough to physically throw them out and anyway I do worry about my son's state of mind as he has some history of violent outbursts.

Well said! Yes totally agree. Get them both out and she should be mindful of the way he’s treating you, she’s next to get more of that. The old phrase, “watch how a man treats their mother because that’s how you’ll be treated,” springs to mind!

Disrespect wouldn't be tolerated in my home. You got to tell her to pack and leave, go to her parents or other family member & if they won't take her she can go local council for accommodation. Your son is a big man and you need to cut the apron strings and be strong enough not to let him emotionally blackmail you or intimidate you with violent outbursts or things will only get worse. You've done your job as mother as you have raised him from babe to adult and all you need to do now is take a backseat and support where you can but that doesn't mean you're a walkover.

She should be apologising… in the very least and acknowledge it’s not working out.

This is spot on. Get some courage together OP, and get this done ASAP. Otherwise, you're going to end up falling into depression over this.

Absolutely this!!!! And if your son goes with her, let him. His complete lack of respect for you needs to be addressed and sometimes only tough love will do it! I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP. People will keep being sh*y with you if you continue to let them - be strong and stand firm - you’ve got every right to feel the way you’re feeling!! Xx

That's good your son has agreed to change his ways and taken some steps towards this. I am skeptical about whether this will last long term.

You don't need to physically be strong enough to kick them out. If they won't go you can call the police to help you and put their stuff on the lawn for 24 hours for them to collect.

It sounds like a tough situation as I'm sure you don't want your son to leave, but you don't deserve to be treated like this by his girlfriend (or him for that matter) and it's not worth the daily stress and damage to your wellbeing.

Ive not read all the posts, apologies, but i agree with the few i did read, your son will go with her, please expect it, what is the alternative, he stays and when ever they meet up he will ask her to stay over so you are back at the same point.
Id be inclined to ask if your son is prone to outbursts of temper for the police to be on stand by along with a locksmith.
This has to end it will make you ill, be strong calm and firm when issuing a deadline for them to be out by or they will take over!
Be careful please.

Sorry just seen update.

Pathetic. And I don’t mean the girlfriend. If you’ve brought your son up to believe he can behave like this, then you better live with it

Your son can’t apologise on her behalf. It is something she has to do for herself. If you can’t see that then you will never be rid of her.

Kick them both out and they’ll soon realise how good they had it.

Personally,I don’t think he will leave with her as if he did he’d have to pay rent.

She still needs to leave OP, and you need to stop being a doormat.

I am so happy your son has apologised. Another thing to consider, if you see the TINIEST repetition of this behaviour, you might even show him this thread and let him and his scaggy girlfriend know that they and their disgusting behaviour are now the "stars" of a nationally read website...

What I find works with relatives is to say to them: I would like to have three months without any contact with you. You are not good for me and you are making me depressed and unhappy. So I am asking you to move out this week and not contact me for three months. Mention that you have taken legal advice or spoken to the police (which I would seriously consider anyway, just to give you a bit of back-up and find out what your rights are). Hugs! xxx

I found your post slightly alarming . What kind of girlfriend living rent free speaks to her girlfriend’s mother like that and shows such blatant disrespect . Actually quite frightening for you to be living like this . I’d wait till there was relative calm and then sit your son down by himself and tell him it’s just not working out, and that you really think it’s best she moves out, because you will not be disrespected in your own house. It’s up to him if he leaves too, but if he does you should change the locks

It was your son that invited her to stay so it should be your son that tells her to go.
Tell your son that she can stay until the end of may or until she insults you again, whichever comes first.

Channel that inner Peggy Mitchell -get out of my gaff!

Tell your son she needs to leave - he may go with her initially but then if they struggle they may split up and he will come back. It sounds like she is not a great girlfriend so I would not feel guilty putting pressure on them.

You may not want him to leave, but at this point it looks like they are a package deal. Either she stays, or they both go. If you are serious about getting them out, you will need to do so legally through eviction. Not knowing what country you live in, I would recommend you contact a lawyer/solicitor for legal advice on how to do this.

This

This must be breaking your heart. You obviously love your son and wanted to help them, but her behaving like this in your home is unacceptable. I think if you tell her to leave your son will undoubtedly go with her, but I am certain he will be back. The reason I believe this is for several reasons. You are supporting them both and they haven't had to take on those responsibilities for themselves. However, if she is treating you that way when you are giving her a roof over her head, how will their relationship survive when that support is removed and money is tight? I would put my money on her blaming your son or even still blaming you when money becomes an issue even they're on their own. Your son will see her for her true colours, unfortunately he has to see it for himself. The only way he will do that is if there is nobody else for her to blame. Just try not to say anything to your son in anger when he leaves, so he knows he can find his way back to you. Good luck with it.

You know you should throw them both out but it's obvious you're not going to.

If you are going to let them stay, it has to be on the proviso that the horrible girlfriend apologises for her behaviour and I agree with whoever wrote that you must insist it never happens again or they're out on their arses. And that this is the time to set some ground rules, including how much they should contribute to food, fuel, maintenance etc. That's not rent, it's literally a contribution to their living costs.

This.

Also this!