To tell him I know she's there

[tailgate]

I've been seeing a guy non exclusively for a couple of years. It's not exclusive because I moved away shortly after we met. We really liked each other but didn't want long distance, but I go back a couple of times a year to see my family for a couple of months at a time and we enjoy time together then.

I've never been particularly bothered who else he sees. I date around too. But we recently had a falling out over one woman he was seeing (I'd prefer not to disclose why).

He had a big family wedding this week and was walking his niece down the aisle so it's huge for him. We'd both been messaging about how much we wished I could've been there with him.

I was pretty shocked to check Instagram yesterday and find he'd taken this particular woman as a date to the wedding! It's the other side of the U.K. too, so they've had to travel there together.

I was then even more shocked to find that a couple of hours after I saw it, he'd blocked me from his Instagram stories. I knew this instantly because he posts all the time and I knew photos from the wedding would be there, but there was nothing, We've also got heaps of mutual friends who could see his pictures and confirmed there were loads of stories uploaded of the wedding and if he and her.

Part of me thinks he's been almost considerate in blocking me from seeing them, as he knows it'd hurt my feelings. The other part of me thinks it's just gross fuckboy behaviour.

He's just sent me a lovely message to say the wedding went well and he really wished I'd been there, and asking how my week's been, etc. obviously hasn't mentioned her travelling to the wedding with him.

I'm a bit torn on how to answer, I'm not angry that he's taken another date. We aren't exclusive and he has every right. It's a bit annoying that it's the one women that we've argued about, but again, he's within his rights and I can't fault him for that.

However, am really unsure how to answer his message. It seems ridiculous to pretend I haven't seen the story. He knows I have. It's even more ridiculous to pretend I haven't noticed he'd blocked me from his stories.

I can't even work out what the right tone is here and what to say.

Some friends think ignore it and message him back as cheerful as always and not mention it. Others say be transparent and bring it up, but not angry. One friend thinks I should lose my shit!

Why don't you do neither of those options and just talk to him about how you're feeling? Non-monogamy only works with open communication.

What a batshit situationship you are in! To be fair it sounds like he has no ties so can do what he likes. Without knowing why this woman is an issue I'm not sure you have any right to say anything about it.
Maybe leave this one and find someone else? Is he really worth it?

What do you want?

Maybe work that out then you'll know what to do.

I should've added that ghosting him isn't an option (though it is tempting). I have to reply as part of his message was about something practical.

We also send voice notes rather than text messages, if that makes any difference.

Considerate?! He’s a lying creep and a massive coward for not being straightforward with you. He’s not that into you and doesn’t respect you enough to be honest about it. Sorry OP, I’d ditch this one pronto - you deserve better!

I think I just don't want to be treated like an idiot, which I feel like he's doing here.

Exactly this. It feels really disrespectful. He should've just been upfront which is why I want to be upfront myself, so I'm not stooping to his level,

It seems relevant why you have a problem with this particular woman to me.

if you are just jealous because he is attached to her and you think she will steal him away would be a different situation to him taking your sister as his date and she is unaware of your situation if you see what I mean?

wither way I suppose speak to him about it, anything else seems like it will store up resentment between you.

He’s an insidious creep. I’m all for adults defining their relationships how they see fit (legal, consenting and respectful) however, he’s playing you for a fool.

Sorry, I don't mean to be harsh but this whole thing is ridiculous. You're not in a relationship, you can both do as you please. Perhaps you need to reconsider if you do actually want to be in a relationship or step away completely so this kind of stuff doesn't upset you.

Did he ask you to go to the wedding? I don’t think you can declare he has to go dateless if you can’t go, without disclosing your problem with this woman. You are being unreasonable. Basically it reads as he can see other people as long as he doesn’t like them quite so much as you so he is unlikely to bin you off

It sounds like you are emotionally involved/attached and he isn’t. Perhaps he blocked you because he didn’t want you to make any comments on the pictures that would be seen by her or her friends/family.

I’d just reply and say you are glad the wedding went well and it’s a shame not to have seen the pictures but you understand if he doesn’t want you on his Instagram.

Eww I couldn't be sloppy seconds. Nah bin him

Does she know about you? Or does she think he's exclusive with her?

I have absolutely no idea.

Sounds like your FWB has a girlfriend so I'd be walking away.

You have absolutely no right to tell him which date he can't or can't take though.

That's the sort of weird relationship you have 🤷‍♂️

I don't really think he's done anything wrong tbh.

I think I'm just looking for a way to say "let's just be honest with each other for once and for all. I've seen your IG story. You know I've seen it. You know I can see I'm now blocked from your stories. Can we have an adult conversation about it?"

That's what I want to say...I think....

I'd just ask him straight up why he tried to hide this from you.

Could the woman believe she is exclusive, found out he is messaging you and asked him to block you on insta. You know pecan do what he likes with who he likes but maybe you're more emotionally attached than you'd like, you don't owe each other anything, is he really worth the grief it's causing.

I could never have gone as I'm a teacher and it's term time.

I didn't expect him to go dateless. I didn't really even think about it,

It's the fact he's messaged to say he wished I been there and he missed me, and then the subsequent blocking me from his stories,

I just feel an absolute idiot if I reply pretending that I've got no clue that she's there or that he blocked me.

I think the question is what do you want to happen going forward. Are you planning to continue in the same way? Are you wanting an actual relationship with him? Are you thinking you want to keep doing what you are doing but now tell each other the details of who else you are seeing? I can’t quite get what you want so it would be helpful to clarify so we can advise you. Otherwise, it just looks like you are completely unreasonable to discuss/get annoyed by what he is doing with other women.

I'm not blocked on IG. I'm only blocked from seeing his stories.

I think im not sure myself, which is why im struggling.

Realistically I dont want to know and we've always had a don't ask, don't tell policy. Ignorance is bliss, etc.

But I don't really want to respond to him just pretending I've no idea what's going on, when he knows full well that ibhsve. That seems mad.

I'd also like to take the opportunity to ask if that relationship is more serious than I'd realised.

The first sentence of your posts says it all...

I've been seeing a guy non exclusively for a couple of years.

You're not exclusive so so long as you're having safe sex, it's not your business and you consented to that.

Equally though he is clearly trying to sustain the sexual relationship he has with you alongside anyone new.

I'd just end it. What's the point? It's not going to go anywhere seems to be taking too much emotional energy from you to also find a proper relationship.

You knew it was going to end at some point.... right?